Why We Run From Love

Why do we sabotage good relationships? This film dissects the psychology of avoidance and the impact of childhood trauma on adult love. Learn to break free from fear and embrace intimacy. #Relationships #Trauma #Psychology #Love #Intimacy #avoidance

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FURTHER READING

“One of the most perplexing of all our behaviours is our tendency – in relationships – to flee from the warmth and affection it is so natural for us to want. In the face of someone who seems to like us very much, who smiles tenderly at us whenever we walk in the room and is interested in the details of our lives, some of us may respond in an extremely counterintuitive way: by feeling nauseous and (in time, probably) running away…”

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CREDITS

Produced in collaboration with:

Leon Moh Cah

Title animation produced in collaboration with

Graeme Probert

[Craigbn]

The lifelong impact of our parents and upbringing is mind blowing.

[Destassan]

Patience seems to be an ultimate love language

[SuccessJourney-hu]

The idea of 'love in small doses' is so relatable for those of us who grew up with emotional scarcity. It's a reminder that healing and growth take time

[Najir_sayyed]

Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against Suicidal, depression and anxiety. Saved my life.

[jojoojo]

I loved a girl who was avoidant and I didn’t know about it; It breaks my heart but this helps me to understand why it happened like it happened.

[iznaasif]

the impoverished diet analogy and "they had no option but only to get used to the smallest meals." i immediately burst into tears at that. all my childhood i felt invisible and unseen, when all i ever wanted was to be noticed and acknowledged.

this has great timing. and i think i need therapy :(

[Hummingbirdsnest]

To all of the people who feel seen by this video: I love you, and you are deserving of love. I hope you find the courage to face these fears, and to look at them as they truly are: defense mechanisms designed to protect you. Your subconscious was doing its best given the circumstances you were dealt with as a child, but those learned patterns, while once meant to protect you, are now holding you back from the love you have always deserved. It makes me so sad to see other people in the comments reinforcing the false notion that those of us who have our defenses on high alert, and who don’t know how to accept love, are somehow bad people to be avoided at all costs. Yes, it is everyone’s own responsibility to try and overcome their inner obstacles, and no one can do the work for you, but still: kindness and empathy make all the difference. In everything.

[PhotoRubio]

"Let yourself be loved", she said to me. "How can it be that you are still single with the space you hold for others? Let them in..."
This was months ago and I still hear her voice reverberating in my mind...

This one was saved to bookmarks.

[ozandogrultan]

Maybe you should also make a video about how avoidants can heal themselves because as their partners, it is not sustainable to constantly walk on eggshells

[mindnut]

"The fear of vulnerability is often the result of past pain, but real intimacy requires the courage to be seen as we truly are."
Brene Brown

[TheKrispyfort]

I'm not avoiding happiness and love.
I'm exhausted from grief.

There's a difference.
iykyk

[harosyie]

As someone with this kind of attachment, I'm deeply sorry for everyone who's been hurt by these people. I notice that I feel like I need to flee as soon as they reciprocate or get too comfortable long ago. It's been 7 years since I tried doing so. Never have the guts to ever try again, knowing just how it'll end. I don't want to hurt anyone, rather be alone than hurt anybody else. Me myself feel like I'll be nauseous whenever I feel like my unrequited love is eventually reciprocated. I'm trying to set boundaries and fix this, though through friendship, but I don't think I'll forever be ready to face this head-on.

[tasfa]

I needed to hear this about 2 years ago. I had a very intense relationship with a woman who had been severely neglected and abused and I thought I could drown all her trauma and fear in relentless and abundant displays of love and everything she never had. It didn't turn out how I had hoped and it can be frustrating, confusing and hurtful when you go above and beyond to make sure the other person knows how much they're loved and how much they can count on you in a way they couldn't ever count on anyone else and they end up pulling away. I wish I knew this back then

[sageparis]

This really explains the underlying reason my last relationship didn't work out... I needed much more space than what I was getting because it was too inundating to have someone try to show love by "taking care" of you. Even though it was out of love, I found it very uncomfortable and grew anxious when I couldn't return the favors :(

[frugalcode]

The most polite way of talking about avoidants.

[jpanosky]

This video seems to presuppose that avoidant types are ending up with secure types and finding themselves frightened by mature, healthy & balanced love, which they must only learn to relax and let in. In reality, insecure types tend to be drawn to each other. The avoidant is confronted not with secure love, but with the fear-driven, "give in order to get" love of an anxious type who's desperate to not be alone. And it's actually a fairly healthy response to avoid closeness with someone who's using you to fill a hole in their soul. Unfortunately, it requires a lot of discernment (for both avoidant and anxious types) to determine who's a good person to stick with and allow in.

[lucarinaldi-cm]

It's crazy how much our past shapes the way we love without us even realizing it. Our past messes so much with our lives... Books on Mindbloomery opened my eyes to why we push people away and how to actually love without all the fear and overthinking. Easily, the best books I've read on this topic.

[longstockings]

At 65 I know that I have been raised on a love hunger diet. So yes, I can relate to this topic. Helas, in real life, comorbidity of all kinds of psychological malfunctions, ruled. If I "only" had to deal with the hunger diet, marriage would have been doable. But in my life, many more things went south. Sexually transgressive behavior at a young age, rape at 14 and there is more. It is this combination that took me decades to overcome. I wish The School of Life could talk about that comorbidity because it has a dynamic of its own. When I thought I had solved 1 problem of my childhood, the next one appeared and shook up the first one. The philosopher Kierkegaard said it best: Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.

[mukesh.dhimar]

It's very polite this video. I think some people that are protecting themselves can actually be very horrible to the people that are close to them.

[RockySamson]

Now make a video for the opposite: those who desperately need that abundance of love in their life cause they’ve only known crumbs.