10 Uncomfortable Truths about Dating a Widower

Steel yourself as relationship coach and widower expert Abel Keogh discusses the 10 uncomfortable truths that come with dating a widower.

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[ParisianThinker]

I dated a widower 6 months after his wife died and married him within 9 months. 
He was perfect for me and I for him.
38 years later, I am now the widow.

[mammamia]

Abel is right, if you're not treated like number one in the relationship, then there is no relationship!

[alberthaug-tp]

Thank you for you talk on this subject. I been widowed for over 14 years. Dated about 5 years out and discovered i was not ready, still comparing the ladies to late wife. Been fairly happy not being in relationships past 8 years. This past summer after back surgery and a road trip with my girl crazy 16 year old grand son. It hit me like a ton of bricks how i missed women and all the great things about dating. Im now working on myself walking 3 miles every other day exercising and loosing weight. I am no more satisfied being alone and i fill i have a new and exciting time ahead of me being retired and 67. Thanks again for verifying what i need to act and behave going back to having a life.

[jacquioosthuizen]

Everything said here is 100% accurate, every excuse and every circumstance I 100% experienced. The last part about competing against a ghost hit so deep. I just want to say to anyone reading this right now: you are good enough, and you deserve so much more than crying yourself to sleep every night wondering if you will always be second best. Find yourself someone who can tell you and show you that they love you because you're worth it.

[tetianawatson]

Thanks for another great video, Abel!!! This is one of your best videos, everything is so true. I can't relate to all, as my husband doesn't have children. But of course all the " widowers " issues were there at the beginning and your videos helped me to validate everything. Since I discovered your channel 2 years ago afte dating a widower with ups and downs. This relationship wasn't perfect at the beginning, but you have helped me so much how to talk to a widower, how to react, how to bring issues or whatever made me uncomfortable. All I can say it worked out for us, we have been happily married now. 3 years together and counting!!!

[fshafly]

I'm a new minted widower, my wife of 51 years passing after a 10 month struggle with incurable cancer. I've been surfing grief and widower sites for divine guidance that will help me out of this deep pit that I find myself in... I will take #9 to heart... thanks for sharing your insights.

[markbrookman]

Number 10, mate ... it applies to Widows, as well.

I dated a widow for 6 years... gave her my ALL. My everything... she was the love of my life.

She is sexy, gorgeous, loving, gentle, caring... everything a man could want.

But, she just can't get over the passing of the father of her four children.

The final straw was when she recently said that she wanted to pitch a tent over her dead husband's grave, and sleep there for the night.

I knew then, that I would FOREVER play second fiddle, to a "canonised" ghost.

[angelachristie]

This was such an insightful video. I thought that me "holding space" for his late wife of 30 yrs and ALWAYS being super considerate of dates, unchanged profile pics, wearing of a gift ring and having all pictures still up might be for a time but my heart is heavy because I feel a) guilty for expecting too much too soon and b) sad to know that the truth is, he just isn't ready. I kind of felt like a place holder or just someone providing affection and attention...he's never done anything bad to me but I felt it in my gut.
I'm so grateful for this video and the comments 💕 Thank you 🙏🙏

[tiglenz]

I just watched this episode, my first. It is accurate. I have never heard these things before, but they describe me. A lady who broke up with me last night suggested that I watch Widower Wednesday. Thanks Abel, for providing this resource. It is helpful for us guys who are trying to find our next love.

[tetianawatson]

Who else have successful marriage/relationship with a widowers out here? Please share! Give Abel big thumbs up, as this man helped many women like me !!! Greetings from Canada

[barbarawheeler]

Thank you for validating the issues I was having with dating a widower whose wife died less than a year ago. After a fairly intense month-long relationship, I told him we needed to end it and that it would be great if he got more help with processing his grief.

[Karlakatza]

Again, thank you, thank you. You are giving me so much validation. His words and actions did not match, I felt hurt. The comparisons he would make were terrible. As a widow myself, I was totally the opposite. I felt that I had to respect my husband's memory by removing his pictures and to keep him private to myself.

[loisdecker]

I am married to a Widower. His daughter gave me nothing but grief!! I told him to straighten her out. Went out of my way to be nice. Long story short he did.!! Tell a man what you want and deserve.!! Everyone e deserves Respect!!!!

[RG-hfet]

Another uncomfortable truth: Chances are female family friends and relatives on the late wife's side will not be very welcoming if the late wife was close to them and even worse, if they live nearby, go to the same church, grocery stores, male relatives don't seem to have a problem with the widower dating & moving on. It's the female close relatives (her mother, sisters, girlfriends) that act like you are stealing the widower away & the cat claws come is what I experienced. I never met such nasty & rude women in my entire life and I didn't even see them that often over a 5 year period. The best example is when the late wife's mother planned a surprise birthday party for the widower & invited everyone but me even after being a "couple" for about 4.5 years. Needless to say, things went downhill very rapidly after if you are from NY & the spouses female family & friends live a nice distance away, this is either less of an issue or, most likely, not an issue at all.

[snapshotmarie]

I'm so thankful to have found this video. My current situation. 😢

[janewilson]

I'm terrible at articulating the issues. This helped me put into words things that I am currently experiencing while dating a widower
. Thank you

[fojanhadjiabbasi]

You are exactly rigjt! I dated one for 6 months and everything you discriibed was just right!

[marygoodsell]

Oh my goodness, you talked about the shrine... i am a new widow and i did the shrine thing and cried everytime i walked by. Then i started to smile, but never thought i could put it away. Brings me to tears again, but maybe i should. Putting the pictures away is like putting a piece of your heart away.

[npenick]

My wife of 20 years unexpectedly passed 11 days ago. I hear what you're saying about not building your life around the kids however we have a severely autistic 14 year old son. He's never going to be able to live on his own. I'm 57 years old and my wife was 52, we had Miles later in life. I come from a small family so there is no backup or long term support from that direction. My wife's family lives a 12 hour drive away and we did have one of her cousins as a backup in case we both got hit by a bus. She's is a psychologist who works with autistic kids, however she is my age and is over 300 lbs so it's a coin toss if she'll outlive me. I don't even know how to hope for anything more than building my life around our son at this point. I know that it's far too early to even think about future relationships, but how could I ever trust someone else to be kind and caring to a semi verbal kid?

I'm very lost, I can care for him as long as I'm on this planet but how do I find a safe and loving long term environment for our boy? I can't imagine letting another woman get close to him when he may not be able to speak up for himself, there are so many horror stories in the news. I can't imagine getting close to another woman no matter what at this point. I'm just lost with everything right now. It would have been so much better for our boy if my wife was the one to carry on. She was outgoing and had the social skills and circle of friends/family that I lack. She was the better parent and better person. She had the large social circle of family/friends that could support her. She was literally the head cheerleader and prom queen, I'm just a business nerd.

I'm not going to give up or give in, but I feel so inadequate as the single parent. One way or another I will make it but at the moment I can't even see land on the horizon much less plot a course.

[nicolam]

Having to compete with a ghost is very soul destroying