How SMART PEOPLE get stuck in narcissistic relationships

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[sushmayen]

They target smart people and get a high in manipulating them..they feel a sense of achievement.

[Niles-Guy]

I have Masters degree along with other multiple degrees and licenses in my field . But it did me no good when going up against a narcissist. I played by the rules, whereas narcissist broke them . I was sold a lie of a wonderful future, whereas in reality it was a tragic nightmare. The gaslighting, projecting, cognitive dissonance all messed with my radar and got me to lower my wall and as a result was taken full advantage of. No sense grieving over a person who wasn’t real. Sadly the narcissist left a mark on my life known as the devils touch

[KathieMihindukulasuriya]

I think smart people can also be trapped by an over-reliance on logic. Narcissistic behavior isn't logical and if you keep trying to analyze it through a lens of logic, you cannot understand it, so you rationalize to make it logical. Unfortunately, by failing to realize that people can behave illogically, you trap yourself into making excuses for them, rather than focusing on patterns of behavior and whether or not these patterns are acceptable.

This is especially true if you have empathy, because you start from an assumption of good intentions, add an assumption of logical decisions and you end up trying to reason with the unreasonable. It is very like trying to have a calm discussion with a toddler, mid-tantrum.

[youngblood]

No matter how smart you are, when you're in love all of a sudden you start wearing "rose colored glasses" and you don't see the red flags, until you take them off and by then it's too late.

[brendaplunkett]

I saw a Rumi quote that said something about what do you do when a relationship costs more than you have...let go.. some relationships will cause you to be emotionally bankrupt if you don't let them go.

[TheKrispyfort]

Smart person here: I believed the lies because those assholes were convincing and they said things they knew I wanted to hear. They did their homework.
And I don't assume everyone is out to get me, nor rip me off, nor out to harm me, nor all full of BS.

[lasphynge]

When you're somewhat smart, sometimes you can't believe the simplest explanation is just it. Manipulative people can use your overthinking and your aversion to trusting subjective intuitions to wrap you around their little finger, and look like evil geniuses or perplexing enigmas with minimal effort. With their incoherent behavior, they pose you a riddle that actually has no answer and watch you lose your sanity trying to solve it. They make you play impossible games where they change rules as they please and keep you trying to figure out how to win (or at least not lose it all). And it's hard, after enough of their random intermittent reinforcement and so much time and effort theorizing and trying to make sense of it all, to believe the simple truth is that they are, quite plainly, *just messing with you.*

[carsonlogan]

I am still working on leaving a 21 year narcissistic marriage. I think to myself I will NEVER have an intimate relationship again because at this point, I fear my own discernment. It would be a nightmare come true to open up and trust again only to find I had made the same mistake! Life is too short to spend any more time with those types anymore!

[grtbobo]

I thought I was smart enough to avoid getting myself into a narcissistic relationship again, but I only realized that getting stuck in these types of relationships only show the futility of seeking meaning or safety in human connections.

[robertjohnston]

“ til death do us part” I said
Within three months I realized had married a narcissist
On the day I planned a dvorce she found she was pregnant
I hung in for years trying to make it work then got discarded.
I should never have stayed
The lesson: if married to a narcissist get out now. No point in delaying.
They only get worse

[duromusabc]

Smart people weren’t educated on narcissism in junior high school that’s why - knowledge is power

I truly believe narcissism must be taught at public schools at the junior high /middle school level (starting at 5th grade ) and end at 12th grade

What a better society we would have because of it !

[gayleklein]

Wow! I feel so validated and relieved! My choice was to stay and raise my children or be plunged into financial ruin and never see them because I would be working night and day to support them. Fortunately my children, as adults came to me and said, I see you, I know how hard it was, but I believe you did the right thing for us. Today, 4 of my 5 children are married happily with healthy people and all have jobs! I am so incredibly proud of how awesome they all are! I am so relieved to put down the shame of having stayed! Thank you Dr.

[crystalcole]

This is one of the best videos that Dr Ramani has ever released.

Being intelligent didn't help me at all. Not at all. I had a gross misunderstanding about what was happening in those relationships. Essentially, I just believed some things that were absolutely not true. I didn't understand the concept of supply. I didn't understand that some people could be addicted to attention, even if they hated the person. I didn't understand The level of health of the average person, and how low it really is.

I was destroyed many times in intimate relationships. I attracted, and accepted, men who treated me with contempt and disdain because I thought I was doing something wrong. If I could just figure out how to stop doing whatever it was that I was doing that made them act that way, then everything would work out. I couldn't have been more wrong.

I thought that if those men constantly sought my attention, and were jealous when I spoke to other men, that it was concrete proof that they liked me. I was again, completely wrong. Those men just wanted attention and validation, and they wanted it so badly that they almost couldn't stay away from me, unless I pushed for intimacy. Then, I was treated with contempt and disdain. I would leave them alone, and they would race back to me. It was disgusting and completely confusing for years. I didn't get it. I do now.

I've always been book smart, and I consider myself pretty mentally proficient. And it meant nothing. We actually have to learn about narcissistic personality disorder to be able to understand it. It's so counterintuitive that you could deal with narcissistic people your entire life, and fail to understand what the hell is going on. And also fail to understand the depth of their mental illness, and how far they are willing to go, how much damage they are willing to do, and how much they are willing to destroy the people around them.

I woke up to the reality that members of my family were actual monsters. Lived an entire life with them and had no idea. It's not that I didn't see the signs, I just thought that the signs meant different things than what they actually meant. And that's where a lot of other people are too.

[lovelyrainflowerfarm]

‘They are the ones that are the most resistant to the ideas of unfixability that we see in narcissistic relationships’ - YEP.
I’ve seen some very smart people, who have never experienced a narcissist, label this research-based observation as a ‘judgment’. To which I say: go get in a relationship with one.

[WildflowerAnn]

Sandra Brown’s book, “Women Who Love Psychopaths” has found that they will actually target intelligent wonen, many with college degrees. It can happen to anyone. I grew up with a brutal Narcissist mother and my innate trusting, loyal, kind, empathetic nature has been a light beacon for these effers my whole life.

[justtest]

Being smart alone does not protect you from what narcissist do. Because narcissists doesn't plot, or plan their attack. They just use subtle feedback from you to know what hurts you the most and what endangers their position.
So they are one step ahead no matter how smart you are and how much you analyze.

[zainerebeiro]

All scapegoats… a reminder… please believe in yourself. If you ever think you’re a nobody in front of your parents….. you are wrong…. Get a job.. lay your own foundations of life….

[csfiskus]

I nearly fell hard for narcissists and believed them. Even when there were signs that I ignored because I wanted to give everyone a chance. Plus I wasn't educated about narcissism. I knew when I was treated badly and disrespected but thought that it was my fault or that I was being too sensitive. The last time I called a narcissist out on their horrible behavior, I was smeared. Many of them are convincing and cunning. This is one of the many reasons why I follow this channel and I am hopeful that more people will push back against narcissists and not let them blend in with the rest of us.

[NovaPrincess]

I already knew this was about how smart people will see the nuance and over analyze to find a justification for bad behavior based on the title alone. And yes also the belief that all things can change. 😢

[moonstrukk]

Academics, teachers, doctors, medical professionals all seem to believe they are MUCH more intelligent than they are. I've noticed emotional intelligence seems to be stunted as well as an attitude of "I'm too smart to fall for such manipulations"

I was emotionally vulnerable and had been severely damaged by repeated betrayals during my formative years. Unknowingly I had a bullseye on my back. Never ever overestimate your own intellectual capacity, remain open and receptive to the idea that you don't know ANYTHING. Never underestimate the ability of a narcissist to be able to sniff out weaknesses in your character that you don't know you have.
So keep unraveling your idea of who you are and seek a really good therapist, even if you feel good or think you're fine.