A Very Odd Way Of Finding Control Over A Narcissist

Since narcissists are relentless in their efforts to control you, it's easy to fall into bad habits in reverse. Dr. Les Carter highlights some of the common pitfalls, then offers a spot-on, proven way to stay out of their clutches. Once you learn it, you (not the narcissist) are the one in control.

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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. For 40+ years he maintained a counseling practice in Dallas, conducting more than 65,000 therapy sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder. Since creating his YouTube channel, his videos have received more than 110 million views.

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Dr. Carter has three other courses that you may find to be useful:

[puremaledark]

Yep, trying to prove yourself or argue is just a waste of time and energy.
Just walk away.

[brucefriedman]

Being under a narcissist's control is like being incarcerated. You intuitively understand that you must count the days until your sentence has been served and you are set free.

[randomcertainty]

They see themselves as life's cross examiner, with you on the witness stand having to defend your choices.

[douaa]

Taking the focus back on yourself
Accepting the narcissist as they are
Distant limited or no contact

[tenningale]

My principles for dealing with narcs:

1) Don't give them any personal information (they just collect data to weaponize everything against you)
2) No reactions or emotions around them (because they'll use it to smugly gossip that there's something wrong with you)
3) Accept that it's ingrained in their personality and don't personalize their behavior

[eire]

a narcissist gets pleasure from inflicting pain on another human being . just shows how twisted a narcissist is .

[aaronkwolfe]

My “control” was backing away. I had more control over myself, and her inability to control me drove her further away.

[kimhumiston]

Dealing with a narcissist is so totally exhausting! Nothing but mind games. Best thing to do is to run in the opposite direction.

[WaterBug]

I found my strength in not taking the bait and as a fixer at heart that was hard. But when I discovered this super power? Not getting caught up? Just smiling and walking away? Rocket fuel for my peaceful way of going

[lisawells]

Watching this reminded me of a saying " I am taking my shovel and pail and go play in another sandbox"

[fawn]

Tty this. When a narcissist is talking, give him/her an expressionless and totally blank stare. It will disarm them and watch them fidget.

[jeankipper]

They won't like it. They will be unhappy. I finally noticed that they were going to be unhappy anyway, no matter what. Even, if necessary, about something else. I'm ALWAYS going to be wrong. Sigh. So I finally figured, hey, I might as well be mad at for something I want.

This turned out to be a good step towards not caring about their opinion and approval.

[amandaliverpool]

We can't control them. We can only control ourselves.

[patricksicard_psy]

First, there's no point in arguing with a narcissist or trying to plead your case. It falls on deaf ears. As regards control, you can only control your reactions. Always remain calm and disengage if the narcissist insists on chaos and drama, conflict. Remember, you don't need the narcissist but the narc certainly needs you. Do what you do best. Be you, with your principles, boundaries and assertiveness. Ignore attempts at manipulation and control. Be consistent. Trust yourself and embrace all of the positive personality traits that you possess.
In this way you're not playing by their playbook.
Walk away with your dignity intact. Be kind and gentle.
What differentiates you from the narcissist is empathy.

[fred.k]

Mind over matter, if we don’t mind they don’t matter!

[sharonjones]

I’ll tell you what they do-still blame you, still play the victim, still lie about you to anyone who will listen. But you continue to ignore them and everything they do. Ignore, ignore. Take the high road and never acknowledge what they do. They are insignificant in your life. You don’t even know they exist.

[michelepascoe]

We can't control anyone else honestly (only by deceit as narcissist do). But we can control our own behaviour and emotions.

[rwdchannel]

My time is too important to waste on trying to control a narcissist. Even if a narcissist could change it would take at least 5 years of weekly behavioral therapy. I don't have 5 years of my life to wait and see if a narcissist might change enough to not be toxic to be around. I'm in my 40's and want to enjoy the rest of my life.

[carolynrichards]

I noticed with my narcissistic ex that his opinion was always opposite mine, so if I said the opposite of what I thought, we were in agreement. 😂 Thankfully, he's my ex, so I can be myself, now.

[crystal.knightrwe]

I love Surviving Narcissism. Even after years of being free from covert narcissistic mother, I come back occasionally for this valuable info.