Ex-JW: 'I can't get over losing my soul mate'

(Lloyd's Voicemails #24) Danny is tormented by the idea that he turned down the love of his life for his religion as a Jehovah's Witness youth and he will be forced to settle for second best now that he is free from the group.

Though I am deeply touched by the considerable interest in my work, I kindly ask that viewers do NOT try to contact me using Facebook. I very rarely use Facebook as a means of communicating with people and I have unfortunately received hostility from people whose Facebook messages have gone unanswered. If you send a voicemail or JWsurvey email, and your request is urgent, either myself or one of the team of JWsurvey volunteers will attempt to respond. Otherwise, please understand that my time is stretched between my work as an activist and my private life, including my responsibilities as a father and husband. As much as I would like to make myself available to each and every person who reaches out to me, this will only occasionally be possible. I appreciate your understanding.

#relationships #voicemail

[prettyboyboo]

This poor guy needs closure. His "soulmate" who probably has been happily married for decades needs to tell him to move on. I swear this cult ruins us in more than one way.

[losingperfection]

It's not only sexual repression. It's loosing out on dating while young to learn how relationships and the opposite sex really work. We missed out on real growing experiences.

[janellegonzalez]

Danny what if you would have gotten together and the organization would have caused such division that you would be stuck in a divided household? Don't get stuck on what ifs. You are in such a place to find the love of your life. Without the restrictions of the mind bending cult. May love and happiness be yours.

[liplockednomore]

The more I learn about the many and varied ways in which the Watchtower has hurt and damaged beautiful people the more disgusted I become. 😢❤

[sarahlee]

This is so true we idealized what we don’t have

[maryannlockwood]

We do tend to idolize our relationships in our past when we were young. We use them to compare to anyone else who comes along. We’re different people now then we were at 18. Being raised as we were has stifled our personal growth to a certain extent. I hope Danny continues with therapy & keeps an open mind to others. 🤞🏻

[frozentspark]

My grandma whose been married for 55 years gave me to best advice..."You have to find someone who can deal with your brand of crazy"

[davidbrownguitarvocalist]

We’ve loads of ‘soul mates’ Danny, Lloyd is right, we’re different people now, I think that’s one reason why relationships can fizzle out over time

[ever]

Well said Lloyd. This is a real thing. I find myself idealising someone from years ago too. I think I’ll never meet someone like them. But the truth is, I never had to live with this person. Never had to pay bills or do their laundry. Life is no fairytale. It just hurts to know that we have been so limited romantically. I think sometimes we are so scared to say “I’m looking for my match” coz it will be replied with “you’re desperate” “just wait patiently on Jehovah” “it will happen”. Replies that are toxic and so invalidating. Would love to hear more on this topic coz it affects a lot of us

[CeceKruchkoSmith]

Yes, rid yourself of assumptions. I'm with my best friend. I was 59. I'm 68 now. 💖💞

[hustonmices]

I called Bethel to ask for their help or at least say a prayer when the ex wife left me. The guy in the other side of the line said to me “you have the literature there’s nothing we can do for you. That was part of my waking up process.

[naterobinson]

I remember when I fell deeply in love with someone in my late teens and early 20s I learned a lot about relationships. She didn’t go to the Hall but I felt deeply for her. The question I asked myself was if I see her beautifully why wouldn’t Jehovah why would he then destroy her? I remember when I put that question in the open and it never got an answer. That experience started to speed up leaving the religion over time.

[johnnyballbag]

The mind is like a room with millions of doors. Behind every door is an experience, an option, a choice. It can be whatever you want it to be

Don’t shut all the doors because 1 of them didn’t work out at the time you went through it

Your confining yourself. There are infinite possibilities to explore. It can be petrifying and exhilarating all at the same time. Embrace it

The most amazing things can be behind those doors if you let yourself be free and open them

Open the doors Danny, open the doors

[Ballykeith]

The fact that you still care so deeply about this person shows how much love you have to give. The cure for a broken heart is to love another person - certainly when you are still young. As Lloyd says, you must put yourself out there and have an open mind with regard to new people. No one is likely to be special right away, but if you give people time, they may become special and so your focus will move away from the past love and settle on the present one.

[scribbledoncemore]

darn, this is very sad. Hope he finds happiness .

[SaffronHammer]

Definitely a young person's response. As you go through life, one begins to clearly see loss is inevitable and some things can never be replaced (unlike what the JWs & the Bible teach), and yet one moves on and finds meaning and joy where and when we can.
Also, he never married or lived with her, so he can't really ever know what their relationship would have been like, how he would have felt about her years or decades later. Unrequited love always seems ideal for the very reason of being unrequited. People lose the Loves of Their Lives and happily remarry, while others never remarry. There are endless possibilities in life. I think it's important to know we can't know.

[Soycowgirl]

I found myself in a similar position too as I was engaged to be married to my first love but woke up before the wedding. What helped me to move on is realizing that we weren't in the same place mentally and emotionally to leave the cult together, so there is no way we were right for each other at that time. It simply was not worth it to stick in a cult for his sake. It's easy to idealize a first love, but there will be others, I promise.

[hembry]

I was one of those girls, madly in love with a jw guy who was obviously living a double life and I didn’t know what it really meant to live a life like that. Eventually came the time when he had to choose between me and the org, or rather his family, and he dumped me overnight. It’s not fair to play with someone’s feelings! You can choose to be with a “worldly” person If you are truly willing to fight for them, Otherwise, leave these poor people alone or else you will just hurt and humiliate them, sometimes beyond reparation

[princessag]

Do not waste anymore time focusing on “what could have been”. You no longer have the restrictions of the past placed upon you. Onwards and upwards !

[jeannec]

I married in the organisation... Didn't end well... Lasted 5 years then Divorced.... And married outside although it was frowned upon my attitude was 🖕🖕 I am still married 20 years later and out of the cult thank goodness.