When Cashiers Comment On Your Purchases

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Written in collaboration with Scott Roberts

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SOCIALS:

[joseville]

From Cold cuts to cold cases
From Hot pockets to hot leads

[JunKazamaFan]

"Home all alone, most of the time?" is absolutely a serial killer question.

[kitkatboard]

Me : *buying 3 boxes on dino nuggies*
Cashier : Aww, your kids are gonna be so happy tonight :)
Me : Haha... yeah... for the kids... right.

[andrewmillar]

Me, about to press play: I've seen the "talkative cashier" premise so many times, it doesn't matter what the joke is. I've heard it.
Me, four minutes later: I could not have been more wrong.

[BlazingOwnager]

Somewhere a TV executive is screaming "Write this down, write this down!"

[wesleyoldham]

Linking the pinto beans to an unsolved murder gave me Columbo vibes.
"You're right, I'll just give you your receipt and you can get on with your day. Oh, there is just one more thing..."

[whimsicalstray]

"I haven't used that myself in a while." "As soon as I install that thing it's gonna be a game changer."💀😂 Coming out of the gate strong!

[RednocNivert]

Today on “Ryan’s thinly veiled personal diary of things he is either annoyed or perplexed by”

He’s never going to run out of material.

[shrubninja]

My best one was when my roommate and I went out for groceries. We were getting typical bachelor groceries, so it was like 90% cheese and snacks. The cashier commented on it, saying "You guys really like cheese, huh?" and I managed to reply with a straight face, "I hate pooping."

I have no idea how I managed to say it so seriously, but I'm so happy I did.

[erfquake]

I had one exceptionally awesome experience with a cashier. She was at a drug store and I was leaving after my sale, but the door alarm went off so I walked back to her & said, "sorry, the door buzzed for some reason." And she stared at me with this catatonic expression, and exactly the way Samantha Morton did it in Minority Report, she screamed at the top of her lungs, I laughed and laughed. She probably got fired for it but it was terrific.

[kachelstacktus]

1:47 is my favorite. Not only does the cashier read him like a book, when directly contradicted he doesn't drop it, he simply takes a second look just to confirm that he's right.

[misseli]

Love the fact that the customer never confirms whether or not he's guilty

[-Haiku]

When he said "Not exactly in that waay!!", I felt it in my soul.

[uyxftmh]

Cashiers are literally instructed to chat with people about their purchases. It’s so awkward. We are also amazing therapists and extremely intuitive so yeah this is spot on.

[Hattori_]

The cashier took a psychology major 😭😂

[sampigg]

I used to be a cashier, and this is unrealistic. I was way too depressed to talk this much.

[Switch_Lens]

"It's company policy". As a retail worker I can confirm this is true.

[BeautifulModelBarbaraHutch-ve]

I feel sympathy for cashiers that try to make small talk, if I had to do that job in silence for hours a day I'd want to talk to people too just to break the monotony.

[silverselkie]

Prodigal Son mention! Also as a cashier, I must say, this is punishment for all customers as a result of that one asshole who complained when we didn't talk to him.

[SoZettaSlow]

This was me back in my cashier days.

Sometimes people over shared too much about what they were doing with their purchases too. Like the guy who was buying all the ingredients for brownies, and when I commented on it, he told me he was making pot brownies.