The Secret To Living A Good Life - How To Heal Trauma, Overwhelm & Declutter Your Life | Fred Luskin

What does the word forgiveness mean to you? If the very idea of letting go of a past hurt makes you feel indignant or upset, then listening to this podcast could be one of the best gifts you give yourself.

Today’s guest wants us all to understand why forgiveness matters for both our mental and physical health. Dr Frederic Luskin is a clinical psychologist, researcher and speaker who has been teaching at Stanford University for the past 30 years. And as Director of the Stanford University Forgiveness Projects, he has taught tens of thousands of people to live happier and more fulfilled lives through the practice of forgiveness, gratitude and meditation.

Although 20 years old, his book Forgive for Good: A Proven Prescription for Health and Happiness, is as relevant today as it ever was. Based on groundbreaking scientific research, it provides practical strategies for letting go of grudges and resentments. And it offers startling insight into the healing powers and medical benefits of forgiveness, and its profound impact on our lives.

Fred explains how our past hurts are stored in our bodies. People who are able to forgive are physically more relaxed. Their blood pressure and central nervous system normalise, their perception of pain lowers, their risk of depression and anxiety goes down. Crucially, their relationships are more open and trusting, so they feel less alone.

This is such powerful knowledge to have. Most of us can probably think of an example where we’ve allowed something that’s happened in the past to sabotage our present. Not letting go of old hurts can be a way of trying to protect ourselves and control the future. But Fred points out this is a coping mechanism to stop us acknowledging when we are vulnerable. True resilience means sitting with that discomfort and learning that it will pass.

Of course this doesn’t mean we don’t have a right to be devastated if our partner has an affair or our boss treats us badly, for example. It’s vital to feel the hurt and process your feelings, says Fred. But if you’re still living in the negative emotions months or years later, it’s time to move on.

If that sounds easier said than done, rest assured that Fred has plenty of inspiring examples and practical suggestions to help you forgive. He is adamant that forgiveness is a choice and a skill anyone can learn. And you start by giving yourself permission to enjoy your present and future, unbound by the past.

I really enjoyed my conversation with Fred and completely agree with him that forgiveness is an undervalued human skill. It may feel hard to access, but it is a brave choice and one that in any given situation will trigger a cascade of rewards. I hope this conversation prompts you to reconsider some of your past hurts and move forwards with self-compassion and freedom.

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DISCLAIMER: The content in the podcast and on this webpage is not intended to constitute or be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on the podcast or on my website.

[DrChatterjeeRangan]

Looking for shorter clips or content? Check out my @DrChatterjeeClips channel

[mingnim]

“We sabotage the present because of what happened in the past.” I felt that.

[heatherh]

Forgiving your younger self for not knowing better ❤ processing your grief, healing and making space for kindness to others that are worthy of your love and respect.

[gamesmusic]

Let go the grief, not easy, but possible.
It took 4 years to get out from depression, deception to learn to find myself again and make peace with life.
Thanks!

[Wookeyehandtechihhila]

I wasted decades of my life with a victim mentality. This conversation helped me so much and sealed the new path that I am on. I meditate on loving kindness now and am able to send my love and compassion to all beings, even those who I feel are doing the most damage to us all. I picture them as children who must have been taught anything but kindness and my heart goes out to them. It is so empowering!

[Mootziesmusings-qidg]

Fred Luskin is an incredible teacher, professor, human, and friend. I feel fortunate to count him among the latter. Highly recommend many of his talks on YT. Thank you for an insightful an meaningful interview.

[FiberFairy]

Dr. Chatterjee, you are an angel! Thank you for being you, for choosing the guests you do and for raising awareness about so many aspects of life that affect our well-being!

[debbiesmith]

All of this makes complete sense to me. I'm not a person who ruminates over the past Beyond a reasonably short grieving peroid. However, there are a few people in my past I have chosen to leave their. It is not that I haven't forgiven them. I think it is important to learn from the past. I don't accept that I'm not letting them back in because I'm unable to cope with their abuse, gaslightin, cheating... They're not getting back in because they don't deserve another chance and I deserve to be treated better

[SavannahL]

After 2-3 years of LOTS of YouTube watching, this is the first video where I've taken notes. Excellent conversation!

[voiceworks]

These approaches are so rich and valuable. I’ve been in therapy for years, was able to let go of any anger against my ex-husband who not only left me for another girl half his age but left me with no money in the bank. I worked through that but I still am trying to work through my father beating me mercilessly with a board for things I knew nothing about from the time I was 5 years old. He was explosive and unpredictable and I felt unwanted and unloved. Dad has been gone since 1979 and I’m 72 and just want the anger and betrayal to stop. I brought it up several times to him but he never apologized. If I had been in his life, body, experiences, even then I would never have beaten a baby no matter what.

[theresameade]

It’s not compulsory to reconcile but to accept the person for who they are and move on

[dorothybailey]

I adopted the same attitude as you Rangan a few years back, considering that everyone is doing the best they can with what they have. I'd like to add that this attitude is very liberating. We are not responsible for other people's reactions🙂

[TropicalTokey]

The guests is saying such powerful things every second that I feel I have to watch this episode 100 times

[debymandelbaum]

Fred was my teacher at ITP. He is excellent

[margaretmironowicz]

The best conversation I have heard on forgiveness. Thank you.

[joannaRB]

Dr. Rangan. Great podcast. I want to zero on what you said about people doing best under the circumstances as basis for your forgiveness. I agree with you. I too for many years followed that approach. But 20 years ago I met I met my almost ex husband who inflicted and continues inflict injuries of apocalyptic proportions to me. Psychopathic proportions. I am willing to forgive but he continues to try to destroy me, financially. Not all people are trying to do the best under the circumstances. Evil exists. And it needs to be acknowledged.

[lindarissell]

I discovered the Hawaiian practice of Hoponopono online this year. I don't really know very much about it, but I tried it with my daughter and it helped a breakthrough in our relationship. To practice a shortened version of this you repeat I'm sorry, Please forgive me, Thank you, I love you. This can be put to music and musical versions can be found online. We listened together and hugged. It brought tears. People are apologizing to God, the Spirit, the Divine, etc as well as to each other for not being appreciative enough of life and living with full joy and love. Very restorative as a daily mantra for many. I like it.

[MshAhmxiO]

Experts on the subject like Judith Herman & Peter Levine make sense of PTSD & CTSD, without the ivory tower "playing victim" baloney. Holding perpetrators to account in the criminal justice system is sometimes a necessary move when it comes to resolving the damage done. "My partner cheated" is one thing to "get over & move on from", but transgressions that deny basic human rights can require an approach with appropriate, informed resources. Helpful points made in this podcast are not at all denied, just for some there are a multitude of angles appropriate to the unique individual circumstances.

[Nina-wmq]

If you are in a toxic relationship, leave. No amount of meditation is going to help. If you have relatives who are toxic, go no contact or limit your exposure. Childhood trauma shapes your reactions and decisions in adulthood.

[theresameade]

Most times people who hurt others are hurting themselves. That itself can prompt the person who has been hurt to have compassion for the other person