10 Signs Your Ex Is Testing You

Is your ex testing you? If so, why would an ex test you and how can you know you're being tested by an ex?

Dating/relationship expert Lucia explains why an ex would test you, signs your ex is testing you and how to respond appropriately for each test.

Lucia is an internationally known dating/relationship expert, author of "Lucia's Lessons of Love", former host of "The Art of Love" TV and radio shows, a syndicated columnist and keynote speaker.

She has over 100 major national and international TV and radio credits including Dr. Phil, The Tyra Banks Show, E! Entertainment, 60 Minutes Australia, The CBS Early Show, ABC 7 News, Good Day L.A and the KTLA News.

Lucia has been interviewed by numerous publications including Details, Business Week, Allure, Elle and media from Italy, France, Germany, Canada, Japan, the UK, Australia, Azerbaijan, Chile and Denmark.

Say hi on social:

[Bitealiltoppables]

Luccia… I never leave comments on any YouTube videos (or in general) but you were right about everything and I’m in complete disbelief. A guy I was talking to a month ago ended up friendzoning me and I accepted it and immediately went no contact. All of a sudden he contacts me, and he tells me that he didn’t like the way things had ended and how he wants to try again. Mind you, this is one of the most stubborn men I’ve ever met, and I did not expect this at all!!! Now he’s setting up dates and is making time for me. This is absolutely unreal, thank you luccia… no contact WORKS. I had no faith until just NOW. Thank you!!

[wutabeta]

She has commented on my insta story, liked one of my posts, and hit me while walking by in the hall at work to say hi. All while I’ve heard about her rebound being rocky! Stay strong army it works!💪🏾

[Ceddyfrezh]

I recently walked away from a young lady I've dated for 3 years. Told her I can't be her friend and if she ever would like to reconsider a romantic relationship then she knows how to reach me. Next thing you know she blocked me on everything.

[Jtr-ttpp]

I passed 60 days of no contact before Christmas. Christmas Eve. My ex who doesn’t follow me watched and liked my story. Just last night she liked my post on instagram.

[ianmccaughan]

Thank you Lucia .Your videos have helped me to stay calm and not try to contact my girlfriend .It's hard she cheated and lied and then was gone from my life without a proper goodbye or explanation .It's killing me inside, but with your videos are a big help from her blocking me and now I have not blocked her but am doing as you say, No contact.

[dongueddimi]

Well technically anyone went through the no contact rule and endured all that pain within it must be considered as an elite soldier 😎 not little soldier my lady 😆 greetings to you and thank you for your helpful tips they were wonderful 😊

[jessicazhang]

Lucia, I've been trying to distract myself watching your videos to stay strong during no contact with my person. This is still a first week of NC and it's so hard feel like I'm dying lol. I saw your old video about a girl who did NC to due to disagreement/fight with her bf, she was being the last to text and her bf disappeared and she started no contact. so they hadn't really officially broken up, only in her mind. This is exactly what I am dealing rn. Well, I am anxious attachment style and we had a lot of argument last month. Tbh I usually did pleading due to my anxiety of uncertainty. And he is typically guy who pulls away when there's conflict although we did have times where we tried to communicate and make it up... but I must say our communication level definitely wasn't best yet, we both still have shadow work, we still put up walls at certain point that hinder us or let's say it's challenge for us to grow as couple. But this time I really tell myself I gotta stop doing that, working on what triggers me, improving myself, focus on my life and also curious what gonna happen when I no longer plead when he withdraw. I don't want to hand over the power anymore and make him think he can always be cocky and disappear for days or 2 weeks everytime there's uncomfortable situation going between us. I got to turn the table! But I must say it's driving me insane I immediately binge watch your videos whenever there some voices inside my head telling me to text him. I mean, I had ever done NC to my other exes and yes they always came back but bcs I never wanted them anymore cause they cheated. It's different case with my current person and I still want us to have fresh start with healthier patterns in relationship. If there is significant progress / result, I'd definitely tell you. I know I have to overcome this anxiety with or without him in my life. Thanks for helping me stay strong 💛

[marcdemarco]

50 days no contact, nye she posted a pic of us at a concert with caption “fav moment 2022”. I also gzve her that ticket for her bday 💀 i guess no contact is starting to work (didnt like the post, should i?)

[Coupy-pie]

I had to tell my ex that if she wants to get back together shes to let me know in a brief amount of time because its keeping me from moving on. I told her the things I've changed that were a problem in the relationship. she responded with saying she understands and promised she will give me an answer after she's back from being with her family for new years as she needs time to think. I respected that and only message when she messages me which I think are tests cause its sporadic. I do need to learn to be less available though. trying to keep myself busy with some activities. I'm feeling good about us though.

[aless]

He is in no contact too.
I don't believe he will ever come back to me because he doesn't love me anymore.
Ciao Lucia grazie per i tuoi video 😍😍😍❤️❤️❤️

[MMKnight_]

Feels like a girl who pulled away from me twice is testing me. She often talks about guys with her friends when being close to me (we're in the same class).

[cybercomputerized]

I was dating this girl for a short while, about a month... but it was really fun and really hot. It's been a month since we talked as I detached from her by deleting her number... and she hasn't called.

She is losing her opportunity with me as I am tired of waiting and actively looking around for other opportunities.

Thanks for your help Lucia... With my luck with women it won't be the last time I come here for a little therapy.

I am getting super fierce with my health and life in general so I know it won't be long until another woman is interested... I just hope I attract a good one because it seems I only attract the wrong ones for me

[SahilKhan-cwzs]

Thanks for giving us such knowledgeable information about the ex`s behavior.

[peacereinhardt]

What if he reaches out about my stuff and if I want it? He reached out on day 24 and asked if I wanted a cup I left at his place. I haven’t responded and not sure if I should?

[Justintime]

My ex dumped me 5 months ago for someone else. A month ago she emailed me and said she was going through her phone and deleting all of my pictures if I wanted any then she said I hope you’re having a fantastic holiday season. I wasn’t going to reply but finally after a week I replied I said no that’s ok thank you. That was a month ago I have not received anything else since

[remylabeau]

This is scary because out of nowhere, my ex sent me a picture of him on the beach the other day. One of the pictures I noticed there was a guy with a hand on his butt. Honestly, don’t know why he wanted to send those pictures to me specifically, but I waited a day to reply, and simply said “looking good💪🏾” apart of me wishes I never even responded, but I’m hoping that at least me waiting a day later and giving a polite and vague response was good enough.

[buildingbettercommunicatio]

My ex of nine years and now two years after leaving and no contact, she liked and followed, then a few days later unfollowed. I had not reached out other than visiting her home page thricely after receiving notifications she liked a few of my stories, did not view or like anything on her page.

[boxcar]

Hi Lucia, my Q is about anger. I felt taken for granted &got annoyed as I was doing all the house chores & we have a racist neighbour (we were an interracial couple) and I didn't feel I had support from her and wanted to talk about it (but I did it in an annoyed angry way). My now ex got triggered& didn't want to talk& surprisingly moved out (I think she thought she was going to get rejected and maybe felt shame for not supporting me with the neighbour as she's scared of him I think).

After 45 days I contacted her to collect her mail, I also asked to meet up for a coffee to talk &was understanding that her feelings were hurt by how I spoke. She didn't want to meet up but said she'd come for her mail in 2 weeks. I replied saying ok & took that chance to communicate by putting in the email my side (bad move?). She instead took 5 weeks to respond. She asked me to forward her mail to her. She also wrote she did all she could with helping in the home and it wasn't enough & she sounded a bit angry and said she moved out because I thought she didn't care about the racism from the neighbour. She also was a bit insensitive to the racial issue so I wasn't going to reply at all, as why should I do more unappreciated labour by readdressing all her post without a please or thank you?

One night I got drunk on a night out and started looking at my text messages and accidentally video called her at 3am! Luckily she didn't answer. I immediately apologised and explained it was an accident. She didn't respond.

As I did that i thought it looks weird I didn't reply to the email. So I replied (in total 1 month after getting the email). My previous emails were nice and wanting to make up. This reply was mixed. It was half nice and half calling her out. I told her she can collect her own post and if she doesn't by a certain date I'll throw them in the bin as I'm not going to spend time readdressing them. If she doesn't want to knock on the door I can put a bag outside and she can collect them. I also clarified that she didn't help much in the home and she didn't do much to help with the racism I faced. I understand she's probably scared but ignoring it to me in private was hurtful. I signed off nicely in the same way as always.

She replied quickly this time asking if I was free the next day and signing it off coldly. I said yes, and we started to arrange a time for her to come over. I asked if she wanted me to put them in a bag and leave them outside the door? She didn't reply to that, so it looks like she wants to knock on the door to collect them. We ended on a jokey note so I thought things looked ok.

The next day she came over, I invited her in. She was moody and said she just wants her letters. As I was giving her the bag she snatched it and stomped off. I remained polite this time and said bye.

I don't understand why she's angry when I've made the most effort, and if she didn't want to see me why not take me up on my offer of putting the bag outside the door for her to collect? Why knock on the door and act dramatic?

I didn't call out after her and haven't messaged her since, it's nearly 30 days NC. I think she thinks she did a lot, but she didn't in my view...and she won't stick around to talk about it

[aniediumoekam]

I have been contacting her since for 5 months now and now I am going for no contact and she is dating someone else can I still get her back

[donmeyers]

I like the live video. The sound is much clearer as well