Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person

This video sees Alain de Botton, Creator of The School of Life and narrator on the majority of our videos, talking at a Google event in London in 2017.

SOCIAL MEDIA

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[MomochiAsagi]

I like to think of it this way: I didn't marry the wrong person, I married a real person. Instead of falling in love with an idea, fall in love with a real human being.

[thelastpilot]

I met my wife when she was 15 and I was 16. We married about 3 years latter and she died last year aged 75. We were together for 60 years and I still love her.

[danielpedro]

“Love is not just admiration for strength, it is also tolerance for weakness.”

[thatonegirl]

so basically:

- communicate your feelings to them
- don't expect a 100% amazing human
- if your partner tells you about something you do wrong it's to help you learn from it
- change how you respond to problems in the relationship (unless it gets really bad)
- do what you want to do because you'll regret all of it either way so it doesn't matter

If I missed any points please comment below

[versace.internet]

"Inside every cynical person is a disappointed idealist." - George Carlin

[dj_bae]

“Our parents aren’t gonna tell us what’s wrong with us, they love us too much.”

Asian kids:

[cTyge]

"We're not merely on a quest to be happy. We're on a quest to suffer in ways that feel familiar." Brilliant talk, thank you!

[emilianojgs]

“Demanding perfection will only lead to loneliness”

Wow, what an amazing piece of advice.

As a person who has struggled with loneliness over most of my life and feeling isolated from my loved ones, this advice makes me see things in a different light. This not only applies to marriage, but to every loving relationship we have in life, we must work with people and their flaws, and make each other better every day.

[hninimohamed]

I have heard about a man who remained unmarried his whole life, and when he was dying, ninety years old, somebody asked him, “You have remained unmarried your whole life, but you have never said what the reason was. Now you are dying, at least quench our curiosity. If there is any secret, now you can tell it, because you are dying; you will be gone. Even if the secret is known, it can’t harm you.”
The man said, “Yes, there is a secret. It is not that I am against marriage, but I was searching for a perfect woman. I searched and searched, and my whole life slipped by.”
The inquirer asked, “But upon this big earth, so many millions of people, half of them women, couldn’t you find one perfect woman?”
A tear rolled down from the eye of the dying man. He said, “Yes, I did find one.”
The inquirer was absolutely shocked. He said, “Then what happened? Why didn’t you get married?”
And the old man said, “But the woman was searching for a perfect husband.”

Osho – The Dhammapada: The Way of the Buddha

[Casandrachia]

“Love is not just the admiration for strength, it is also tolerance for weakness and recognition of ambivalence”.

[mlatrellelove]

"Sometimes we reject wonderful or nice people . . . when we meet them we say 'they aren't that exciting or they are a bit boring.' What we really mean is that we've detected in this really quite accomplished person, someone who will not be able to make us suffer in a way that we need to suffer in order to feel that love is real . . . and that's why we reject them. We are not merely on a quest to be happy, we are on a quest to suffer in ways that feel familiar. This undermines our capacity to find a good partner."

[YouTubeTeacherRemote]

I was married for 15 years to a man who thought all "education" was "nagging" and "putting him down". He was older n always told me I had to "learn" but was never willing to learn from me and my needs. I thought I was flawed and had to hide this until years later, he had passed. In my late 40s I found a man I grew fond of. Our first disagreement or misunderstanding I thought it was over. I was not going to dissapoint another man by nagging him. As I was walking out of the door I said, " You really don't know or get me do you? And this 50+ year old man said "I'm willing to learn" I also thought, well Me too!" It's been almost 8 years now that we have been together and married. Learning to love is the only way to be happy 😊 still learning him every day ❤️

[rockyp]

"To be with another person is negotiating imperfections everyday"

Absolutely brilliant, Alain de Botton

[gennaroascione]

"Addiction is basically any pattern of behaviour where you cannot stand to be with yourself": a very deep thought, indeed.

[camerakid]

I’ve read many books on relationships, I’ve listened to many hundreds of hours of audio and video on relationships, I’ve personally been in many relationships trying to understand what makes a successful lasting and happy one;
THIS is a 20 minute masterclass on relationships as good as I’ve ever read or heard!

[sineadw]

‘We are all incompatible, but it is the work of love to make us graciously accommodate each other and ourselves to each other a incompatibilities and therefore compatibility is and achievement of love’ this right there ♥️

[daisyflowers]

He is so right. Those of us who have long time marriages, have generally discovered this. We who have been married a long time have come to realize we are married to another human being, with flaws, virtues, strengths, weaknesses, just like we ourselves have. We learned that marriage takes work, and we don't always feel in love, but our marriage isn't just based on how we feel, it's based also on our dedication to making our relationship work.

[eunminwootang]

"You cannot have perfection and company. To be in company with another person is to be negotiating imperfection every day"

[loonar]

My personal advice on marriage is to stop looking for everything you want in one person and start looking for everything you NEED. This is where knowing yourself comes in because it's hard to separate the two. Relationships are about compromise. Not just loving relationships; every relationship. So find what you can compromise on and what you can't, find someone who fulfills your needs, and HOPE that you fulfill theirs.

[santerimiettinen]

Wow, as a 20-year old this speech made me really think about love in new ways.