I've never met a nice South African

Political song about Apartheid by British show "Spitting Image"

[khindlaugh]

My fellow South Africans, I feel it is time for me to tell you the facts as they really are
1. Bananas are marsupials
2. Cars run on gravy
3. Salmon live in trees and eat pencils
4. Reform in South Africa is on the way

I've travelled this old world of ours from Barnsley to Peru
I've had sunstroke in the arctic and a swim in Timbuktu
I've seen unicorns in Burma and a yeti in Nepal
And I've danced with ten foot pygmies in a Montezuma hall
I've met the king of China and the working Yorkshire miner
But I've never met a nice South African

No, he's never met a nice South African
And that's not bloody surprising, man
'Cause we're a bunch of arrogant bastards
Who hate black people

I once got served in Woolies aften less than four week's wait
I had lunch with Rowan Atkinson when he paid and wasn't late
I know a public swimming bath where they don't piss in the pool
I know a guy who got a job straight after leaving school
I've met a normal merman, and a fairly modest German
But I've never met a nice South African

No, he's never met a nice South African
And that's not bloody surprising, man
'Cause we're a bunch of talentless murderers
Who smell like baboons

I've had a close encounter of the 22nd kind
That's when an alien spaceship disappears up your behind
I got directory enquiries after less than forty rings
I've even heard a decent song by Paul McCartney's Wings
I've seen a flying pig in a quite convincing wig
But I've never met a nice South African

No, he's never met a nice South African
And that's not bloody surprising, man
'Cause we're a bunch of ignorant loudmouths
With no sense of humour

I've met the Loch Ness monster and he looks like Fred Astaire
At the BBC in London he's the chief commissionaire
I know a place in Glasgow which is rife with daffodillies
I met a man in Kathmandu who claimed to have two willies
I've had a nice pot noodle, but I've never had a poodle
And I've never met a nice South African

No, he's never met a nice South African
And that's not bloody surprising, man
Because we've never met one either
Except for Breyten Breytenbach, and he's emigrated to Paris

Yes, he's quite a nice South African
And he's hardly ever killed anyone
And he's not smelly at all
That's why we put him prison

Frankly, Mr. Welldone, I'm fed up with people from Britain attacking my country for Apartheid
We treat the blacks very well indeed!
I actually employ several kaffirs here in my own home
But Mr. Botha, I haven't seen a single black since I entered this mansion
Haven't seen one? My God, man!
What do you think you wiped your feet on when you came in?

[antorseax]

"We treat black people very well here, I even employ several here in my own home!"

[batmenace]

I love how the song implied that the biggest reason Breyten Breytenbach was imprisoned was not because of being against Apartheid but for not being smelly.

[dumbodah]

it’s really funny, because when my dad told me he’d never met a nice South African I laughed thinking he was referring to the song. He was not.

EDIT: the people I dogsit for are South African and are the cutest sweetest people I've ever met

[huntertamate]

My South African friend thought this was hilarious. He was not offended at all

[epicsomethingstore]

Ironic how a song critical of Apartheid keeps on getting taken down for "hate speech"

[xile]

If Australians are British Texans, than South Africans are British Alabamans.

[idot]

I can't believe YouTube has been completely wiped of all old spitting image content. It's not like anyone makes any money from 1980s spitting image anymore, so what's the point of removing it when all it does is advertise the show for free?

[lordbarron]

I've only ever known 2 South Africans. One was a professor who was a massive asshole to everyone for no reason, and the other was a former tech guy that is one of the nicest people I've known.

[raymondjustinread]

I'm South African... Had a few Pommies sing this to me already. I think its hilarious! I guess we good at finding the funny side of these sorts of songs and the ones that dislike it are probably all not South Africans.

[bootitup]

Im gonna tell my kids this was "Africa" by Toto

[kyleshiflet]

Ah South Africa once basically the Deep South of England

[TheGloriousLobsterEmperor]

I'd just like to clear up some points, because I spent $80 on a Spitting Image DVD set *just* to listen to this song in the complete episode and have noticed a few things technically wrong with this video and the original, now copyright stricken, upload. This song is from Season 2, Episode 5. It isn't actually proceeded by the "My fellow South Africans..." speech, but rather a skit involving the dog shooting a sheep, serving it to a hunter, adding too much paprika, and then shooting himself, and isn't followed with the "We treat the blacks very well indeed..." skit, but rather a skit involving a fly landing on a cow pat and dancing whilst scat singing.

I am an authority on this song, I paid $80 and waited three months just to get a DVD to listen to it.

[gerhard]

I'm south african, I'm laughing my ass off, I'm not offended and my last name is Botha

[nightwtchman]

Played this to a South African guy who I worked with for 6 months. He loved it.

[DaLT]

The three Afrikaners I've ever met (I live in New York State) were:
* An HR guy I had a job interview with
* A training instructor at a previous job
* And an expat who came along with her kids to watch an old bridge being demolished.

Luckily they were more Breyten Breytenbach than PW Botha.

[Hannah]

I'm south african, and my online friend showed me this song and told his brother that he finally met a nice south african. 💀💀

[GoodVideos]

Well, it would be satire. Even many South Africans would regard it as that, much like with the Lethal Weapon 2 movie. That's because South African humour is basically about laughing at ourselves.

[willforest]

song about aparthied being wrong

youtube: im not going to allow that

[kayzeaza]

I hate how they removed all the spitting image videos from YouTube. This one was a classic