Why Does it Feel IMPOSSIBLE to Gain Confidence?

Healthy Gamer Coaches have helped more than 10,000 people across the internet with proven outcomes.

Dr. K’s Guide to Mental Health explores Anxiety, Depression, ADHD, and Meditation

#shorts #lifeadvice #psychology

[ZarHakkar]

Either I'm awkward around people or I get confident and make an ass of myself.

[thenateyoulove]

I'm a very confident person. I found the easiest way to gain it is too repeatedly put yourself in situations where you're forced to adapt to something, something that's uncomfortable. The more comfortable you are in "uncomfortable situations" what ever that might mean for you. The more confident you will become. Good luck 😊

[angelareiswig]

I just do things for people. I help the community. People will notice you. They will want to talk to you. They will want to be your friend. You have to show interest in other people's lives. They have to feel like you like them. You have to be approachable. Smile. That's a great thing. It makes you look nice. When people like you, it builds your confidence. Then you are worth while to others and to yourself. Just a small effort on your part will help you so much in your life.

[spookyscarygraviton]

I don't lack confidence, I just don't want to talk with people, and don't really know how. They're like "are you okay? why are you so quiet?", and I'm like "can I just stand here and listen?"

[divagaciones]

What a lot of people don't seem to realize is that confidence isn't something that suddently appears on you, or something you simply decide to have, nor is it something that comes from external things like having money and good looks. It seems to me more like a type of "muscle" that you develop little by little, by exercising it every day.
Some people, due to many circumstamces such as poor parenting or bad relationships growing up never get a chance to develop this muscle. And not only is it not properly developed, but sometimes severly dwarfed.
However, it can totally be exercised and developed at any point in your life. I believe the way to do it is to go out of your comfort zone in little things, like talking to people you don't know and trying new activities, and then realizing that it's ok to fail. It's ok to come up as dumb or to be ignored or rejected. It's ok to try a new thing and fail at it, and then try againa and fail again. When you become almost immune to the prospect of failing, that's when you start to become confident, and when you become confident, you start to succeed.

[rideuponthewaves]

damn he described it so well, my lack of confidence is so bad that it affects my performance at work, combined with anxiety it makes me feel extremely hesitant/unable to communicate

[srxyggj]

It's not always about often forget that I am overweight (meaning it's not actively on my mind throughout the day) and I don't walk around with negative thoughts about myself like I don't belong or people don't like me. However I wind up feeling that way after most, not all, interactions with people. Why? They told me. They said I wasn't wanted or liked or made fun of me unprovoked. I feel bad for a bit and give myself a pep talk and the cycle repeats itself.

[hanguyenthu]

I haven’t found a solid way to get confidence yet, but I find it easier to just build little small steps. Also whisper to myself “I am not unable. I am yet to be able.”

[TheJackal]

This is exactly why I love this channel.

[mr.nobody]

Success breeds confidence, inaction breeds insecurity.

[MegaPranav]

Love the “ from a channel with Licensed Health Professional “

[georgegray]

Thanks Dr K, you’re changing my life 😊

[ropephobic]

this is so real for me… i’m grateful i have really supportive friends who hype me up, see me and value me ❤ the social anxiety still stops me from doing what i want sometimes, e.g. i’m a student and living on campus, there is a turkey dinner over the break for students who stayed on-campus, i go to it and panic silently about what people might be thinking and what i might do wrong and whether i should just leave 😅

great advice about sitting with the feeling, i’m on youtube stalling from going to the kitchen to cook food out of fear of people, so i’m gonna try to use this right now to process why i feel this way

[GoldenVulpes]

I have no idea where I learned this "lesson" I constantly tell myself no one likes me so I don't bother . I feel like it's true but I don't know what about me people don't like.

[rcursed_]

I needed this video like, 6 years ago lol. Learned this lesson the hard way, and I still sometimes forget it

[BustaLife]

hope you guys don't mind me opening up in here.. this exact thing happened to me during prom. and this did not just happen during prom, but it happens everytime I'm in an event with many people in it. something inside just tells me I'll never be good enough and that I'm just pretending to be good the longer i stay in that certain event. i was never really too fond of my looks irl

[accidentalmadness]

It’s not an imaginary inner monologue I created it’s every thing that was said to me over the years. Every insult about my appearance/interests/emotions, every “no wonder nobody wants to be your friend”, every “eww *backs away in disgust*”, every “those glasses make you look like a creep”, every chest thumping clown and popular girl that trashed me, the rejections, the adults that insulted me, society as a whole, etc.

[Wolvious]

(I want nobody to take this as advice, as I’m not a mental health professional. This is just what I do)

I have a list of mental illnesses and everyday I struggle with so many of the things you talk about.

Here is what I do in the situation I’m having social anxiety, and part of me just tells me or it feels like I’m weird.

That voice that says “you are this way and they are that way”

What I do with that is take my inner voice or mind or whatever it’s called then think “yeah maybe I am, that is what makes me interesting to the people I’m hanging out with”

Then I go challenge my thought that I’m weird, I go say something; anything I feel like saying.

Most of the time, it turns into a great conversation and that part of me saying I’m weird is confused… because I just showed that part of myself I’m not weird

[seans]

See I understand this but my main problem and what I keep asking therapists about is once I see that image, once I understand where these emotions are coming from. Then what. I can never figure out what to do next. Like ok I see and understand why I’m acting this way and I get what happened to me in the past but then what. Just because I acknowledge it and understand it wasn’t my fault or whatever then what. Just because I understand what happened and try to forgive, forget, or move on it doesn’t help. Nothing does and it’s just a cycle.

[atomic_xfire]

I believe we have a very incorrect viewpoint, socially, on what confidence looks like.

In keeping with the gaming verbage, this is a result of something you don't know enough about. That points back to what you mentioned regarding the need to pause and then engage. Because a lack of success (not specifically failure) is evidence of trying. Exercising a toelerance for the discomfort of trying and not succeeding, builds on itself and allow you the ability to build experience abd help you develop tools to tackle with success and a lack of success.