History Summarized: Sparta's Finest Hour

It's not Thermopylai.

SOURCES & Further Reading:

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[shadowldrago]

Leave it to Blue to simultaneously compliment and roast Sparta in one sentence.

[storyspren]

Sparta: "If."
Philip II: "Oops, sorry. I didn't proofread that properly, I meant 'when.'"

[joshuakusuma]

Sparta: boy, it'll be really hard for you guys to fight us.

Thebes: actually, it's gonna be super easy. Barely an inconvenience.

[juliasophical]

I love that the "Alexander the ____" (fill the blank with anything other than the usual) meme continues. 🤣

[Oscar_Lasco]

Spartan society was a distopia for the 90%.
And here's a funny anecdote from Xenophon about the Battle of Lechaeum. It was a battle between Sparta and Argos. When Spartans riders saw their Sicyonian allies fleeing the battlefield they decided to join the fight. They decided to fight on foot so they took the abandoned shields of their fleeing allies. The Argives were more numerous but the Spartans thought their fame would be enough to scare them and make them flee. Unfortunately they were carrying Siconyan shields so their adversaries thought they were fighting the Siconyans and not the Spartans. And not only did the Argives stood their ground but they kicked the Spartans' asses.

[mercAltiar]

Honestly having learned more about Sparta, they truly were the paper tiger of Hellenic Greece. From a lackluster win ratio, extremely limited logistics, requiring Helot murder as an intiation rite, a social structure consisting of a super majority of slaves and an diplomatic tact verging on the idiotic, Sparta was basically the ancient Greek equivalent of North Korea. For a Polis that lacked art, literature or any other significant creative outlets they have a remarkably oversized presence in public memory. *Edit* Added even more of my Laconian gripes below.

[Nolaris]

0:46 The failed uprising was the Battle of Megalopolis where Sparta revolted. Antipater was left behind as regent in Macedonia and was busy quelling a revolt in the north, so he had to come all the way down to Sparta to deal with the mess. Sparta would end up losing to the troops that Alexander didn't think were good enough to bring on his campaign.

[twojuiceman]

"Now don't be weird about this, but I need you to mail me your mom" Oh Blue. You are so quotable

[CrayonosaurusRex]

When I was in the US Marines, the number of people who obsessed over the Spartans battle capability and would get extremely upset when they learned how pathetic they actually became kinda funny, but hearing this story of honor and nobility at the end of what I viewed as more or less a long self imposed extinction does make the later Spartans seem better than I gave them credit for

[JeremyDA]

You know, it really is telling that Sparta's most notable and praised accomplishment (Thermopylae) was a DEFEAT. Really sums them up perfectly 😅

[eustraxia]

I’m currently working on a vampire webcomic where the protagonist is an ancient spartan and I wanted to thank you for making this video and listing your sources! It makes my writing process way easier and helps me to educate myself on all the goings and events in that time of history. Sarcastic Productions gang, you are truly an indispensable gem of our community! ❤

[reach]

Telling the "If" story but missing the first question "Should I come to Sparta as a friend or foe?" Sparta: Neither.

[lord_kyjax]

Red, I think it would be cool to see a video on Agamemnon. A dive into the real world culture that surrounded him, as well as an exploration of his myths, to unpack why he was the absolute worst, not just the ways in which he proved that fact.

[psionicrain]

I have always felt that the Spartans saying "If" is always treated like this badass retort, but whenever I hear it I just think "Well you aren't disagreeing with him? Or refuting him?"

[emilyforsberg]

I love that you have been saying what everybody has been thinking. Sparta is cool but it's literally a chiuvava. All bark and no bite

[CLNCJD]

I’m well aware that most of the “positives” about Sparta are usually just heavily filtered propaganda, but dammit does that propaganda make me like the little Greek city state. Thanks for reminding me just how much of a mess Sparta was Blue.

[nirast]

"Chest thumping in the field and limpness in the sheild"

Don't mind me, just leaving a comment so I can find this gem should I need it in the future.

[grapeshot]

They said the Romans would vacation in Sparta just to observe their quaint ways.

[luigiboi]

Wow. Just… wow. My respect for Sparta has been replaced with pity.

[cjstanky]

I recently watched a video about how the "Proud Warrior Race' like the Klingons and Mandalorians are doomed to fail because they lack the flexibility to adapt and survive beyond just the rudimentary aspects of war. A lot of Sparta's downfall contains similar issues; Thebes defeats them because Sparta was so stagnant that their playbook was basically known for centuries, no one is the prevailing years since the Persian Wars had any inovations for formations or training. Contrast with Rome who had multiple times with the various reforms as time went on to continue to stay on top. Sparta won a victory against its major foreign invasion and rather than innovate and find new ways to become a military power, they stayed stagnant in the Greek Polis warfare reference pool and thus Thebes basically knew how to counter them because the same shit since the Poli became a thing. No wonder Phillip trounced Greece like it was a Sunday stroll through the park.