Men's Rights Advocates don't care about male victims

If they truly cared and advocated for male victims they wouldn't be talking over, dismissing and invalidating a male victim just because he doesn't fit the narrative they want.

So on behalf of male victims. Please stop using our stories, our pain. as weapons to justify your own misogyny.

[alankent]

I am a male victim. All of my family (including extended family) insists that I am lying. They do not want to admit that anyone in my family (particularly brother) is an abuser. But they also refuse to admit that he beat his wife who was in a wheel chair. Apparently it is more important to present to the world that they are wholesome, spiritual, god fearing, evangelical christians.

[kikijewell]

Ug. I'm so sorry. Even male victims are victimized twice by uncaring men. That really sucks dude. I'm so sorry.

[godswillm]

An honest, open minded and not- self-serving man. One who is genuinely one who is not looking to manipulate the reality to his own advantage. Refreshing, and respectable. We need to protect this man. God bless you Sir!

[jrr]

As a male survivor, yes. I’ve never had a single woman invalidate me. Men though..

[JessiD-]

This is so true. Those "men" use male victims to rage against women. The damage they do to both sides is so horrible. And it's all for their little egos. Sick.

[vitisvinifera]

I just got to your channel, and I didn't know what happened to you. I'm sorry it did. I'm glad you've found healing and hope you find more

[zacharybosley]

I think that the whole "you don't care about male victims" is a really flimsy psychic defense mechanism. In order to make the world look safe, normal, just, or predictable enough to not require any change, deflecting from the problem helps to justify inaction.
They get to convince themselves there's nothing to be done, because nobody's doing the right thing their way.
Its the same strategy used when people talk about doing shit about racism, only to get stonewalled by the "but why do we have to focus on Those People?" Argument

[higurashikai]

Yes!! My cousin was physically injured by his crazy ex partner who even tried to argue that he couldn't have any custody of their child because he has a pace maker. As soon as their kid was allowed to have his own lawyer and refuted her claims that my cousin beat their child, she didn't want the child any longer! She pays child support and doesn't want him at all.

Yeah, men can be victims of domestic violence and other crimes as well at the hands of women, but talking about female victims doesn't erase that at all.

[phastinemoon]

“I’m not doing ‘being a male victim’ right”

Oof. That hit the truth right in the guts.

[chey]

And when a man who is also a victim of abuse or SA speaks up, those men who use them as an example quickly try and shut them up. Almost like they don't care about other men or anyone but themselves... So they can't come in with that high ground contrairianism and attack someones experience without being completely in the wrong.
When I explain my experience and state the truth that it's bad no matter who it happens to and how often. I will get other men looking for cracks to get chance at blaming anything other than the perpetrator. Or themselves for defending the indefensible.

[lilyinthewater]

Thank you for your compassionate, intelligent and articulate discourse. Internet needs this so badly. 🙏

[FullShade]

I’m so sorry for your experience. Thank you for doing what you can to make the world a better place. I hope your kindness and insight catches on 💜

[beardlyinteresting]

Hmm I have a sneaking suspicion you wanted to say something a little more spicy and short then that final statement.

Every time I see anyone talking about female victims regardless of the perpetrators sex or gender identity, without question some guy comes along with "wElL wHaT aBoUt MaLe ViCtImS!". Well if you're so concerned about male victims why aren't you looking up stats/research/survivor stories from men and just here complaining about research/stats focusing on women instead?

I'm so sorry you not only have your own stories but that your story gets downplayed and dismissed by these people who seem so hellbent on claiming they care about you. Stay strong friend and thank you for your education in this space, the more positive male role models we have the easier it will be to show how and why toxic masculinity is terrible and not that masculinity itself is toxic.

[WhichDoctor]

Back in 2018 I got out of an abusive relationship with a woman, and at the time I was still presenting as a man. I felt soo stuck, because the only advocacy I could find for “male” abuse victims was soo vial. And I didn’t what to be associated with people like that. So yeah I did feel shame and a sense of failure for “letting it happen to me”. But I couldn’t find any community to help me through that because the only people who looked like me at the time and were talking about it were not people I wanted to be associated with. Its soo hard to come to terms with things like this if you don’t have the language to articulate it, don’t have roll models of people who’ve been through it and come out the other side as someone you look up to.

But anyway I went through a lot of therapy, and Ive had two more relationships with women since then that have both been wonderful and healing. I’m still with my girlfriend of 2 years now and our relationship is still incredible. And now I identify as a woman too. But it still upsets me how many men victims of dv must remain silent like I did because they couldn’t find any communities they felt comfortable joining and the only rhetoric they ever heard around this issue was vial and hateful. You can’t heal from trauma with anger and hate. It’s always going to be a part of the process, but you have to let go of it eventually to fully heal and live your life beyond then

I’m soo glad to find men out there now talking about their experiences with dv with compassion and empathy and a genuine desire to help men victims.

[helgaioannidis]

I'm so sorry for what you went through. I hope you feel safe now ❤

[ogjinx]

No. YOU don’t care about male victims!

Signed, a male survivor.

[ak]

How interesting. Every male victim of DV I've ever encountered has reported zero support and sometimes worse.

[rickmel-qm]

and those people are the same ones who say "i wish that were me" when a teenage boy is SAd by a conventionally attractive woman

[Kootenay]

The National Social Survey has a module on victimization, that includes questions on domestic violence. One of the questions asks why domestic violence victims don't go to the police. Male victims are far more likely than female victims to report that they believed their story would not be believed or that they would even be blamed for the abuse they suffered, so men who say "what about men" are not being unreasonable. We should ask "what about men" and keep asking it until men get treated equally to women.

[kittyroxs]

I can not believe how youve gone about being a victim. Did you not get the handbook? 🙄🙃