GRWM | Why We Don't Try New Things

Real chat! Talking about the fear of failure, perfectionism, people pleasing and how childhood trauma keeps us from moving forward in our lives ❤️
#realtalk #motivational #motivationalvideo #motivationalvideos #getreadywithme #makeuptutorial #makeuplook

PRODUCTS USED
Some random Mary Kay blush LOL
Jordana 'Tawny' lipliner (Essence's Satin Mauve lipliner is a dupe!)
City Beauty lipgloss in 'Pink Nude' (save 15% with code ZABRENA)
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I give Jesus all the glory for the revelation on the message in this video :)
❤️ "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." ❤️
John 16:33

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Thank YOU for watching!
XOXO!
Z

[Zabrena]

To clarify: I'm teaching my kids BALANCE. I didn't discuss how affectionate my kids are, or how helpful they are or how well they share with others. They are amazing. As individuals, we shouldn't feel pressured to share everything, or give all we have, or answer every favor asked with a "yes" because society says we should. When you do that, you are met with exhaustion and it leads to depression. There has to be a balance. We are allowed to say "no" and that is okay! If that section of the video came off as rough, or uncaring, it wasn't my intention.

[naturalPaths]

Oh, my gosh, my first memory of being frozen was in first grade. I was the caretaker, people pleasing, everybody get along child. My parents were so good at being controlling that I didn’t start to really catch on till I was in my 30s. To this day, I’m afraid to place an article in a room, also known as decorating, as I will get it ‘wrong.’ You’ve share so many helpful thoughts and, I believe, may really be helping me. Edit to add: I have just saved this video under mental health, not makeup!

[tinashort]

My sisters used to toot on my pillow when we were kids cuz they said that’s how you get pink eye😂😂. We were so mean when we were little!!! I worked as a CNA for many years and when our patients would get pink eye we did warm water mixed with baby shampoo washes on their eyes. It works well if it’s not a really bad bacterial infection! I’m sorry you’ve been feeling bad!! I really truly feel like I’m passed the point of fear of new things at this juncture of my life. I spent allot of years being scared and just decided when I hit 40 that I wouldn’t let fear rule my life. I was raised by a child molester and a very very religious mother. Too much to go into but I’m living proof that you can overcome anything!!!! Much love sweet girl❤❤❤

[r.melindar.]

FEAR OF REJECTION in any capacity is a tough one, it makes you keep protective walls up. Thank you! 💜

[laurence.d.a]

I have so many friends who are currently healing from a similar upbringing of being raised by narcissists. I would add that one additional survival instict that often develops is accepting blame for literally everything because 1. That's what you are taught - like you said, at least one child will be the de facto scapegoat and 2. by taking the blame, you get a sense of control over your own life because you can then predict what will happen, which you can't always do when trying to defy a narcissist that's trying to put the blame on you.
To anyone reading this, please know, your upbringing as a child wasn't your fault. True love is unconditional, and I can assure you that the world is full of people ready to accept you as you are and love you unconditionally. You are valuable AS YOU ARE RIGHT NOW. You deserve unconditional love. You deserve a safe, loving home. You deserve happiness. You deserve rest. You are not responsible for how people will react or feel when you decide to stand up for yourself and impose your boundaries. Let them get mad. Their anger and insecurities do not belong to you.
Take care.
Oh, and also, gorgeous makeup as always, Z!

[TheRealHappyG]

Hey Zabrena, I've been around since the early days (remember the website? Wow, I feel old!😂)

I remember when you hinted here and there about your family being a toxic cycle, and you weren't ready to fully open up about it back then. So I just wanted to tell a fellow survivor: I'm so proud of you. Speaking your truth openly and publicly is so hard, and you and your little ones will see the benefits of that work. Your bravery and resilience are truly inspiring, and I know you will continue to positively impact those around you.

Sending some love to you and yours from Australia! 💖

[brandyward]

What you said about growing up not knowing boundaries and being made to "be polite" rings a huge bell with me! I can totally relate..thank you for sharing! ❤

[spottedfawn]

I loved this so much. I don't know, maybe it's just me, but I really feel there's a cultural shift going on with people being able to finally talk about this narcissism thing and childhood trauma. I'm a young Gen Xer (1980) and I just discovered I had childhood trauma in 2021. I had no idea that what I went through was considered childhood trauma - I had normalized it in my own mind.. All I knew is I suffered with depression since middle school that I can remember. And I've always felt like there was something wrong with me since I was really, really young. I felt like I was from another planet or something. But the wonderful thing about discovering that you have childhood trauma and a narcissistic/toxic parent(s) or family is that there's nothing wrong with you! I feel normal for the 1st time in my life and I'm even starting to actually like myself!

[surfingtosaturn]

I really appreciate you talking about your struggles. I also grew up with narcissists.. (my mom and grandma) and was a scapegoat. thank goodness my dad wasn’t a narcissist and was a really good person. Even with his encouragement I still struggle a lot with people pleasing, perfectionism and just not knowing about boundaries. It’s tough because it’s so hardwired into us.

[racheldevine]

I've been watching your channel for years, and you are one of my comfort creators. You're so kind, genuine, and funny. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing because you definitely helped me and, I'm sure many others! ❤

[kylieinaustralia]

Well holy crap! You had me hanging on every word you spoke. Sheesh I could write a whole novel but I won’t instead I’ll send a virtual hug to everyone that has been thru crap, currently going thru crap or trying to heal from it. I walked away years ago & never looked back…… it’s ok to walk away 🥰🙏🏻

[laurieann]

I can totally relate! My dad is a narcissist and my mom was a people pleaser. My ex husband was an even WORSE narcissist. I Definitely felt like I needed to be perfect and I wasn't valued unless people liked me. I became anorexic as a teen and am 57 now and I feel that once I turned 50, I began to establish boundaries and eliminate toxic people from my life. It's always a process and I think my kids are stronger than I was. I am sooo glad you spoke of this. Thanks so much.

[R.L.Maverick]

I appreciate you sharing such a piece of yourself. I would also add that the older I get the more intentional I am about the people whom I allow in my life. I have distanced myself from those people that are toxic, gossipers, and generally not for me. I had a challenging upbringing so I can relate to the things stated. If people don’t treat you well, then they don’t deserve space in your life.

[dee_ewell_pierce]

So true! We are all a product of our childhoods and even into adult life. My mother was a super manuplitator, you didn't even know she was doing it. My father had no filter...if he thought it, he said it. Therapy helped me understand the truth.

[WandaStricklen]

I’m almost 69 years old and agree with every word you said. It can take years to realize you don’t have to be what you were told you were. Thank you for sharing and I’m so sorry you had to go through all that! But just know that God is truly working through you! Prayers, hugs and loves!!!

[GEDHOUV]

You are a fairy godmother Z. As someone who took up studies to be a counsellor, I commend you for sharing your story and for inspiring others to do the same.

[michelledmnds]

Thank you for opening up to us. I believe that so many of us just needs to know that we are not alone and thank you for your encouragement Zabrena. I have watched your channel since before you had your kids and have always enjoyed your content and your presentation 😊

[reneemeyer]

I love your occasional bloopers! They're real and full of warmth and humor, and make your videos fun to watch, and takes nothing away from the things you share and teach. Leave them in, they're lovely, and your viewers enjoy it because we relate. ❤❤

[auntieliz]

My fear of failure is from my childhood. I was also taught that I didn’t have choices and that I was never good enough. I also did things differently with my kids. They learned boundaries are ok and that it’s ok to say no. Thank you for sharing. It helps to know you’re not alone. I have learned a lot about acceptance and being in the moment and that living for the current moment is what’s important. Planning for the future is fine, reflecting on the past is fine. Horses live in the moment and help teach stillness and communicating without words. Ongoing choices and evolving relationships. That’s it’s ok to want to be alone and it’s ok to sometimes seek support. Thank you for this video. 🌻

[tammyw]

I can’t imagine the courage it took you to make such a candid video! Kudos to you! 👏🏼
I hope you know we’re all here for YOU. Your fantastic tips, personality, dedication all make your videos so much more personal than a lot of other channels.
I personally like when you show the oops moments, I feel like those moments make you more relatable.
Keep your head up!