Lab Results - Cyanide & Happiness Shorts

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Well, Mr. Watson, we have your lab results back. And, well...

Credits:
Created By: Rob DenBleyker, Kris Wilson, Dave McElfatrick
Featuring Kevin Murphy
Directed By: Rob DenBleyker, Joel Watson
Screenplay By: Rob DenBleyker, Dave McElfatrick
Story By: Rob DenBleyker, Dave McElfatrick, Kris Wilson, Joel Watson, Michael Rousselet, Heather DenBleyker
Voice Actors:
Kevin Murphy - Doctor
Animation Director: Bill Jones
Animation: Bill Jones
Character Design: Jerald Lewis
Background Art: Shawn Coss
Animatic: Chelsea Kubesh
Editor: Thaddeus Grant Fenton
Assistant Editor: Taylor Ransom
Sound FX: Ben Governale
Assistant Sound Design: Samm Barrett
Music Arranged By: Steve Lehmann
Supervising Producer: Derek Miller, Greg Slagel
Produced By: Adam Nusrallah
Production Managers: Lowbrow Studios - Mike Parker
Production Assistants: Lorraine Bett, Autumn Netherton

Lyrics:
DOCTOR
Well, Mr. Watson, we have your
lab results back. And, well...

You’ve got...
Norovirus, hepatitis, tendinitis,
syphilis,
And salmonella, sickle cell,
a rash we don’t know what it is,
And toxoplasma, super asthma,
better go call Make-A-Wish.
You haven’t got much longer and I
haven’t finished half my list!

Your brain’s arthritic, blood’s
acidic, dick hole trickles pickle juice,
Your pancreas is gangrenous, my God
please never reproduce!
You’re seizure prone and every bone
inside your body’s cancerous.
Your joints go backwards, and I
lack words to explain how bad this is!

(spoken)
Except for these words!

Your taint’s inflamed, your anus
sprained, your every vein is
clogged with plaque,
Your spine’s a wreck, your throat’s
infected from your neck down to
your crack!
And all your poop is filled with lupus,
All your shit is out of whack!

Your heart’s diseased and full of
bees a single breeze could end your
measly-
Life and also measles, weevils,
fecal beetles, fetal alcoholic
syndrome, chronic symptoms common
to medieval people,

Your nose is blown, your back is
thrown, your cells have unknown chromosomes,
And kidney stones and loads of
Crohns and toenail cheese and pubic
fleas and leaky knees, and
athlete’s feet, and trucker’s butt,
one twisted nut, your liver sucks,
with any luck you’ll kick the
bucket soon enooooough,

Also you’re deaf.

Рекомендации по теме

Комментарии

Him not seeing the deaf part shows that the doctor didn't practice the list and did it first try what a legend

dumbarcus

Captain America: Why can’t I join the Army?

The Recruiter:

dinoguy

I love how the “deaf” is circled. They knew he’d try to do this so they wanted to make sure he knew before he delivered the news. Apparently he didn’t read all the way through.

Paper_Brain

This dude is literally the most resistant man alive, like he has every fatal plague known to man and every bone in his body is cancerous yet he still looks perfectly fine

cephalonbob

- Nurse, where are you taking me?
- To the morgue.
- But I'm alive!
- Well, we're not there yet!

AlexBesogonov

This is the best fucking Cyanide and Happiness short ever made

MilesKubicki

"Shit is outta wack"

Professional medical terms.

ShoeNerd

*sneezes*
*goes to yahoo answers*
0:06

Hellogamingnlolll

When your head hurts just a little bit so you decide to google what's up with you

happysedits

Nobody:

Medicine commercial: Side effects may include...

yaboylou

I like how the doctor even shows him some of the diseases in the beginning and the dude still doesn't think somethings wrong

shadyomo

Nobody can rap faster than Eminem
Doctor: give me his lab results

jeremiahthongchai

"How long do i have?"
"10"
"10 what?"
"9, 8, 7, ..."

thatrooper

so I decided to look at what this guy has, along with a brief summary of everything:

Norovirus - Intense Vomiting (depends on what is eating and drank, courtesy of Tobben Jees)

hepatitis (doesn't specify what kind so assuming all of them) - Liver infections, inflammations out teh ass

tendinitis - tissue connecting muscle to bone becomes inflamed

syphilis - ulcers, sores (genital), gummas

salmonella - diarrhea, fever, chills, abdominal pain

sickle cell - prone to infections, bodily pain and fatigue

rash

toxoplasma - muscle pain, fever, and headache

super asthma - difficulty breathing, chest pain, cough, and wheezing

brain's arthritic - clouded consciousness

blood's acidic - Acidosis causes some of the others symptoms, coma possible, weakness, arrhythmia, shortness of breath, headache, coughing (courtesy of Nguyen)

dick hole trickles pickle juice - loss of control with bladder

the pancreas is gangrenous - upper abdominal pain, nausea, vomiting

seizure prone - difficult to control body at times

every bone cancerous - dull aching pain (possible)

joints go backward - very difficult to move

taint's inflamed - perineum inflamed

anus sprained - pain, swelling, muscle spasms, limited ability to move
every vein is clogged with plaque

spine is a wreck - scoliosis?

your throat's infected from the neck down to your crack - that's not your throat anymore, that's your digestive system. Stomach, intestines

poop is filled with lupus - probably has lupus then - fatigue, joint pain, rash, fever
heart's diseased and full of bees - lots of blood clots

measles - cough, runny nose, inflamed eyes, sore throat, fever, and a red, blotchy skin rash

weevils - grain pest, why the hell they in this guy

fecal beetles - why the hell this guy got beetles in his ass

fetal Alcoholic syndrome - learning disabilities, bone and joint deformities, heart defects, and hyperactivity

chronic symptoms (doesn't specify so assuming all of them) - none of this is going away

nose is blown - HE CAN BREATHE THROUGH HIS NOSE MAYBE

back is thrown - scoliosis then

cells have unknown chromosomes - down syndrome and/or Klinefelter (some variant of them)

kidney stones - hurts to piss

loads of Crohns - abdominal pain, diarrhea, weight loss, anemia, and fatigue

toenail cheese - his feet smell really bad

pubic fleas - extremely itchy legs and arms, red swollen lumps which can develop into blisters or wounds, can cause infections

leaky knees - baker's cyst - Symptoms can include pain, swelling and tightness behind the knee can lead to DVT (Deep Vein Thrombosis)

athlete's foot - rash that usually causes itching, stinging, and burning

trucker's butt - the flattest ass

one twisted nut - a LOT of pain

liver sucks - Yellowed skin and eyes (jaundice) along with belly pain and swelling

deaf - can't hear anything

plantdaddy