Bob Sutton: How to Outwit Workplace Jerks [Entire Talk]

Even as adults, we still have to deal with bullies, at work and otherwise. Stanford Professor Bob Sutton has devoted his career to studying organizational behavior and dysfunction, and lately, figuring out how we can avoid or deal with people who demean, disrespect and drain those around them. The professor of management science and engineering draws on academic research and anecdotes included in his new book, “The Asshole Survival Guide: How to Deal with People Who Treat You Like Dirt.”

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[ideovidiot]

My parents told me school was temporary and the kids were just going through a phase, but in truth... it just moves into the corporate world at large.

[joniheisenberg]

Bullying jerks are supported by cowardly coworkers. If you stand up to them you are isolated and punished.

[kirstenspencer]

My husband was a super success in his field. His revenge was to retire early. The entire department just fell apart after he left. Workers from other departments texted him begging him to come back. Nope, the bullies lost their jobs, and the Company spent a ton of extra to run the department. The little quiet helpful old man had the last laugh. You don't know the worth of the water till the well walks out the door.

[jen]

So right!! HR exists to protect the company NOT bullied employees! That is the hardest lesson I've ever learned.

[annekerr]

In 1982 at 21 years of age, I left a profession I had fought the odds to enter, only to find a toxic workplace, I left it and opted to focus on a good marriage, raising two accomplished children, and an occupation where I was surrounded by genuinely kind people, I am now turning 60, have a marriage I’m proud of, children I’m proud of, and my friendships with genuinely kind, clever and creative people, leaves these toxic superficial, manipulate and selfish people for dead, I too have coped because I have learned to feel sorry for these people, I have less financially than my peers, but what a rich life I have lived, NEVER be afraid to leave a toxic situation, you are better than that and deserve better!

[jonathanisaac]

The only problem I've found with "killing them with kindness" is that some see it as more of a justification to continue their behavior. Almost like giving a dog a treat everytime it tries to bite you.

[tomdixon]

I had a chance to get out right away and I took it. My despair lifted within 5 days.

[jakesully]

Mon-Fri your in a relationship with an employer and employees for 8+ hours a day.
Work place abuse can be as equally damaging as Domestic Violence.

[BoloBouncer]

I've worked at a job where people were expected to be miserable and take it out on each other. Their notion was: "This is how the world works." Nah guys, this is how your terrible business works. There are plenty of places where people are happy and productive.

[danpatterson]

In my experience, people who are jerks to you at work avoid censure in two ways: one is to get you to lose your cool, which then becomes the problem, and whatever the jerk did gets a free pass. The other is to get to management first with a story about how you're the bad guy, because management will believe the first story they hear. Been done to me many times.

[Shalyn]

In my experience, bullies get promoted and those who stand up to them or go to HR about them get fired, or at least can't get a promotion.

[jameystone]

People like to unsettle others; it makes them feel powerful. For this reason, the meaner someone is to you, just become extremely calm and look them straight in the eyes when conversing with them and don't look away or blink until they look away. Be pleasant and matter of fact (not fake snarky pleasant) so they realize they aren't upsetting you one single bit. Makes them extremely uncomfortable and they tend to avoid you after that.

[nuriaarmengol]

05:56 Tweet: "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes." Lol. Now that I am old enough to recognize when is just the case the only solution is just to leave, to let them enjoy their own company.

[jammin]

Once in a large corporate tax office a coworker asked me if I ever filed returns late. I sensed a set up so I falsely told her yes, many of my returns were filed late. She reappeared a few minutes later with the tax manager and CFO who said they heard my returns were filed late. I just pulled out my files and calmly showed that every single return had been filed on time. The coworker turned beat red and the two bosses went back to their offices. She later asked why I lied to her but all I could do is smile. 😂😂

[d.a.crossatnoc]

I ended up quitting my teaching job and took an IT job. People were being awarded for being an a.hole because the department head was the lead a.hole. I ended up with diabetes, high blood pressure, and depression from it. After taking the IT job things are getting better. I wish I could claim workmen's comp on that.

[ahyaok]

If you're going to work for money, you're going to have to deal with jerks. A strategy that's worked for me is simple assertiveness. If your nature is to be nice all the time, it will be perceived that you need people's approval whether you like it or not. To bullies, it's blood in the water. I think it's important to immediately ice someone out that's not treating you right and most times they will change their behavior. This goes for bosses too.

[Christmas-dgxc]

"I feel unsafe in your presence." Now, all that matters is which side will be less expensive for the employer to deal with. Truth is immaterial.

[erunstoppable]

My favorite put down to a jerk co worker at work is, “DO NOT talk to me unless it is work related.”

[mosipd]

Be aggressive and dominating with bullies, it's the only language they understand. You absolutely must give back more than you get and watch how fast they want to be your friend.

[limespider]

There's also subtle, covert abuse -- supervisors who find ways to nit-pick, put you down, claim a duty is "easy", gaslighting and never have your back etc... Sometimes these supervisors are nice to the workers who are either overly confident or just worship their bosses. it can be very hard to reveal the toxic behavior for all to see because the rest of the co-workers have such positive experiences. Those of you who are being bullied are in the minority and often just quit. This was my experience as a full-time teacher. Those that quit never confronted their boss or complained -- just vented to friends. So, nothing ever changes.