Conquering my academic demon

Quantum field theory defeated me in my masters. Can I vanquish my demon this time?

This video is about me trying to learn quantum field theory (QFT) but really it's about what I learned about learning. Over the course of three months I came to terms with a traumatic mental health experience before my PhD, developed my knowledge of physics, and came to a whole new appreciation of being a student. I even had some help direct from a graduate student in quantum field theory at the University of Oxford! This is a very personal video, and in a way one I made for me, but I still hope you enjoy it :)

QFT resources! Here are a variety of lecture notes I used:
Note that there are also some

---------- II ----------

---------- II ----------

Huge thanks to my supporters on Patreon: Ashley Wilkins, Michael Parmenter, Samuel Baumgartner, ST0RMW1NG 1, Jan Galkowski, Adrian Sand, Morten Engsvang, Josh Schiager, Farsight101, Liam Margetts, K.L, poundedjam, Alanah Mack, Felix Freiberger, Robert Connell, Jaime Stark, Kolbrandr, , Sebastain Graf, Dan Nelson, Shane O'Brien, Alex, Fujia Li, Harry Eakins, Andrew Young, Cody VanZandt, Jesper Koed, Jonathan Craske, Albrecht Striffler, hennersfl, Jon Sjöberg, Igor Francetic, Jack Troup, SexyCaveman , James Munro, Oskar Hellström, Sean Richards, Kedar , Omar Miranda, Alastair Fortune, bitreign33 , Mat Allen, Anne Smith, Colin J. Brown, Princess Andromeda, Aron Kári Ágústsson, Leighton Mackenzie, BenDent , Thusto , Andy Hartley, Lachlan Woods, Tim Boxall, Dan Hanvey, Simon Donkers, Kodzo , James Bridges, Liam , Andrea De Mezzo, Wendover Productions, Kendra Johnson.

[domainofscience]

In a way, it's a shame we have to have exams. I remember all through university this weighty pressure of the upcoming exams looming over me which is very stifling for the growth mindset because I felt I had to not just understand things, but understand them now! Thanks for sharing your journey through this Simon, can relate :)

[YourPhysicsSimulator]

The worst thing about university is that you sometimes feel like you pass the exams without understanding what's the true esence of the subjects you're studying...
The deep understanding, if It ever arrives, comes when you have time to read, investigate... by yourself.
And Simon is the living prove of it

[ParthGChannel]

Taking this as inspiration to conquer the physics topics I always struggled with

[vardhanmittal]

"My brain wasn't just accepting this information."
This is my favourite quote from now on for college learning.

[yerwol]

6:58 "_Really_ missed some very obvious signs". That's because it's not Physics. One just does not see.

[MichaelPennMath]

I was crushed by a QFT course I took in grad school as well!! Every so often I think about revisiting it, but have never made the time.

[LookingGlassUniverse]

Quantum field theory is something I have always felt guilty about not understanding well, and I’ve been wanting to go back and learn it properly for many of the same reasons you mentioned. Thanks for making that point about mindset when learning, and just being nicer to yourself about not understanding something yet.

[brianholler]

Thank you Simon, this is exactly what I needed to hear. As a current 5th year PhD student studying 2D semiconductor physics, there are so many days where I feel like I don't understand the fundamentals or wish I did better in a subject that I have learned years before. This is motivating me to give some of my challenging subjects a new shot with a more optimistic viewpoint and try to commit to a more manageable timeframe!

Great work as always!

[andrewcgs]

8:17 11:56 This hit home very hard for me.
I'm an Italian math student, finally finishing my Master degree with ABYSMAL delay. Been in and out of burnout for three years straight by now, and I really can't help but seeing myself in the same exact position as you described yourself in some of your videos.
I always wanted to pursue a PhD and an academic career, but I think the moment has come for me to finally tackle my mental health issues, maybe take a gap year, and set my priorities straight.
I think that your videos had a HUGE (positive) impact on me, and I'll be forever grateful for this. Thank you Simon, sincerely. <3

[EuskaltelEuskadi]

I love that you're still drinking Coke while studying, it reminds me of the Coke mountain that you cleaned up at the end of your PhD. You really need to get a sponsorship from them! Also, I haven't commented on one of your videos in a while, but I wanted to say that I starting watching your videos when I was applying to PhDs a few years ago and I watched all the way through your coding struggles which mirrored my own. Anyway, I'm pleased to say that also like you I came out unscathed, and as of February 2021, am a doctor in cosmology :) Thanks for everything, Simon, you have inspired me so much :)

[idjles]

I won the university medal for my studies in theoretical physics. The only time I was brought to tears was walking into my supervisor’s office and admitting I couldn’t get QFT. He graciously changed my thesis topic to Schrödinger.
28 years later my own daughter’s supervisor had that very same office.

[andrewwells]

I studied Physics and Maths at UCL and I struggled with mental health immensely for a long time (even before I started studying at university). It's a really great idea to go back and make this video and I know how it can be a really dark and awful period. One of the worst things about mental health is that you really internalize the negative filter, you funnel all of your daily life through. In my situation even after graduating with a 1st. I still felt disappointed and that should've been a red flag as to how bad it was. But, it really does get better.

[MrPhysics]

This video has really inspired me to tackle my nemisis of Functional analysis from my third year! Like you, my mental health was through the floor, I just wasn't in the right mental space to take on this sort of knowledge. Now that I have started my PhD, and looking back at old notes, I feel that I am now in a position to tackle this again! Thank you for the inspiration Simon!

[orfeasliossatos]

This is such a treasure, I have a brilliant friend in mathematics who has been feeling down in a rut and I'll point her to this!

[thegedi]

Optics was always my demon in undergrad - the only class I ever failed! I’m now halfway through a PhD in imaging optics in my effort’s to truly conquer it

[kristadzive]

I didnt understand any of the physics you talked about, but I agree, the mindset is soo important! Too many struggle with this! Thank you, I really needed this!

[sotirios-efstathiosantonou]

Man, I wish I had the time to start conquering my own Everest after University. It's totally different to study those difficult subjects at your own pace without the pressure of deadlines, projects and exams.
Great inspirational video AGAIN!

[ThatDrummerFrank]

i loled so hard at 7:00 “i missed some obvious signs”

[sanderhoefsloot]

I love this video! As an astrophysics student it happens too often that I make notes, consume knowledge, make an exam and in the end do not at all remember or understand anything I did in the course (even if I passed the exam, which I almost always do with a minimal score), even when afterwards it was fun and interesting. This is a difficult hurdle to get over but really worth the effort.

[shooty]

It is crazy how much your videos motivate me to study and learn. It's especially crazy considering the first 22 years of my life I despised school and reading, but I am glad I found a new appreciation for it. I'll definitely be tuning into those streams where you just work when my next grad school classes start. Thanks for your content!