How to ACTUALLY Get Siblings to Stop Fighting |12 Tips

Help Your Little Kids To Actually Get Along | SIbling Relationships

We are finally to the phase of life where or our kids (2 and 4) are starting to play and argue with one another. I think there are a lot of factors when it comes to sibling relationships like personality, age gap, and how old they are.
My girls personalities are totally different, the age gap is 2 years and they are 2 and 4 like I already mentioned. But I would have to say that they get along pretty well!

I say this with some pride because it didn't just happen. I have put a fair amount of effort into reading and learning some ways to help them have a good relationship with one another, not pitting them against each other and helping them work on their relationships and conflicts amongst themselves.

SO I wanted to share some of the things that I think have worked really well... so far!

I hope this is helpful for you and your family :)

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Let’s be social:

00:00 When you're going to have a new baby you start to freak out
00:20 Hey Shayla Intro
00:53 Sibling Relationships!
01:27 Siblings without Rivalry
01:43 silbings are very different from one another
02:00 A few factors with sibling relationships
03:00 Bring each other things
03:13 The BEST multivitamin for kids
04:44 I don't make them share
05:21 ultimatums... are icky
06:40 Ask each other for help
06:57 Ask each other for the item
07:15 Ask them to give space
07:37 Play "baby" with the toddler
08:11 Never blame the baby
08:48 Talk to the baby about the toddler
09:36 Trade don't take
10:33 Baby wearing is life
11:25 "sounds like they don't like that"
11:45 the summary of helping sibling relationships

[shmarie]

I loved Siblings Without Rivalry too! I think my favorite tip for really small sibs (it’s in the afterword) was to narrate their positive relationship for them - tell them “you’re a good team” or, if they get upset “you were having so much fun together and you didn’t expect this to happen.” It gives them an understanding that their relationship is basically good to return to when they are struggling.

[mommybreakdown]

Oh, I love this topic! I think having more than one child gives a parent an opportunity to teach skills that are fabulous for development. You have your own mini classroom! (I'm such a teacher lol)

Your tip about giving them space is a great one for my kids too. We have separate quiet time each day, even though my oldest is 10 years old. She deserves some quiet time away from her 6-year-old brother.  

My personal biggest tip for parents of multiples is to use what is called "positive intent." For example, I say "you wanted your sister's attention, so you kept poking her. Instead, stand near her and say 'excuse me'." This allows them to learn the skill to get what they want. Once they learn the skill, you have to interfere less and less.

[milo_thatch_incarnate]

The most lightbulb-moment tips for me were not sharing and having them help each other! My mom never did that with me and my siblings, and I remember SO many ENDLESS fights over sharing or not sharing. And she never encouraged us to help each other. I want to do that!

[emilystrukoff]

We follow these tips are things are going really well for the first 3 months! I definitely let the baby know that I’m going to put him down to help the toddler so the toddler knows they’re a priority too. I also leave the baby unsupervised with the toddler (2 3/4) when I go do something small which I believe conveys the message of “I trust you” and I tell baby that the toddler is taking care of them while I’m gone. I believe it also helps the toddler feel more ownership of the baby and that baby is the family baby, not just mine.

[bstormy]

Thanks to your ending I now have "She Will Be Loved" stuck in my head lol "It's not always rainbows and butterflies, it's compromise that moves us along." LOL! 😂

[brenna]

Ty for being a mommy blogger who adds value to the conversation and keeps her kids safe/out of it!

[estherseyffarth]

I like to encourage my toddler to show the baby how to do things (like raising your head, grabbing a toy, whatever). The toddler plays along every time! I think it really helps them get settled in their new "big sibling" role.

[_pandacecelya_]

Adding another book to my TBR list! I get so many good book recommendations from you!! We already do the trading toys thing when the older wants what the baby is holding. Works great!

[jesicaP]

We do all these things! We also try to keep most/all of the toys as shared toys, not necessarily Kid A’s toy and this one is Kid B’s toy - they are all toys that we share. Basically we don’t emphasize that this toy is owned by this child and this toy is owned by the other child. Even if they got it for their birthday. I also remind the kids that we are a family and we love each other and it’s important that we are kind and gentle with each other. Usually that simmers things down and they hug after hearing that reminder. It helps a lot to just say things out loud to the kids that you want them to know is true or right - how else will they learn all these social normals within the family?

[imperfectly_megan]

"Talk to the baby about the toddler" 🤯

And the tip about asking the baby before taking the toy is very helpful too.

[sunny-peuo]

I just wanna say you have the best intro. Truly. I watch so much YouTube but you have the best concise intro to your channel🎉

[ashleyirizarry-diaz]

I have a 4 and a 3 year old. We do lots of games, activities, baking together to give them experiences of playing and working together. Praising the kids every time they do something kind, compliment them or helpful for the siblings, I’ll make a “gift” or card with one, and let them think of something nice to give to the other sibling and they feel like they did a nice thing for them after they give them the gift, and of course the one receding is stoked too!

[LucyBorn]

Thank you! Baby number 2 on the way. This is very helpful

[autumningram]

This was an excellent video…thank you!

[ceciliapistorius]

I needed this! My girls have the same age gap as yours (their birthdays are 2 weeks apart) and we've really struggled with the older hitting the younger one. Constantly. Whether she's bored, excited, antsy, needs attention, whatever she just walks up amd hits her sister. Definitely going to try some of these strategies. I was literally just crying to my husband wondering HOW to foster a good relationship between the two. Thank yoy!

[chelseazuppan]

Someone with 3 girls said that they buy the same outfit for all 3 so they don't fight. Kids were on average 2 years apart from eachother. It was super cute - they were all in the same baiting suit at the beach.

[Jessieish]

I think sticking up for your kids is huge. I feel like it was lacking or at least unsuccessful when I was growing up with an older sister. I felt pushed around or talked over often and it would have been nice if my older sister had actual consequences for what was, frankly, disrespecting another person. I just wanted it made unacceptable, and plan to do that for my second born if it kills me lol

I think fostering the ability to stick up for yourself is key. These tips address that.

[rachaelkumarasena]

I’ve definitely tried some of these.. personality is a BIG factor and boys are an even bigger factor… boys are from a different planet.
The exchanging for one for something else is a big one not just for siblings but for friendship development at playgroups/kinder etc. however it’s a work in progress with my son as he still will sometimes snatch but it’s a process and constant guidance.
I have a 16 year old stepson and my son who has just turned 3 and I still have to manage their sibling relationship, especially ensuring the 16 year old doesn’t feel like his younger brother has come in and stolen his thunder after used to being the youngest and only boy in a Sri Lankan family (I’m Italian/Australian my husband is Sri Lankan)
The concept of also getting one child to give thing to other is a huge help too! I get my younger one to give things to his older brother (especially as in Sri Lankan culture it’s a big thing for the elder to be respected) so ensure my son looks after and gives respect to his older brother (e.g. you get a strawberry and go give one to your brother please) can be a game changer and makes that other sibling feel included and valued.

[Almira]

Thanks for these! Definitely needed this video.

[ginapurcell]

My oldest is 19 months old and starting to test boundaries, whine to communicate, and have bigger feelings anout things and I'm trying not to be a typical parent who threatens, bribes, etc. I also think thats icky. My second is almost 2 months old. It should get interesting