One Question To Eliminate Social Anxiety | Dr. Aziz - Confidence Coach

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Do you suffer from social anxiety? Do you feel like your life is often held back because you are unable to function in social situations? What if I told you that social anxiety was something you could control—that it was actually an experience you were creating in your own mind?

Already, you’re probably thinking, “There’s no way I would create my own social anxiety! I’m just an anxious person; it’s in my DNA!”

The fact, however, is that anxiety is just a pattern. Just like everything else we do in life, our thoughts, actions, and intentions shape our perceptions of the world around us. Over time, these thoughts and actions become patterns—habits in the way we deal with and respond to the information we’re presented.

Today, I’m going to share a secret trick I’ve picked up over the years for helping to eliminate that pattern forming process and turn your perceptions around to work in your favor.

To start, think of a moment in which you felt social anxiety. Maybe it’s a recent moment; maybe it’s one from a few years ago. Either way, pull up that memory and begin to ask yourself, “What mental movie am I playing?”

Here’s the thing: in order to create social anxiety, you must first generate some sort of visual (or verbal) story: a movie of sorts depicting what you believe will happen if you take the next step toward the action that scares you.

If you’re going to a party, you immediately pull up the “movie” of the time you put your foot in your mouth in front of a group of people; if you’re going to approach someone attractive, you immediately pull up the “movie” of the time you struck out painfully and publicly; if you’re going to make a suggestion at work, you immediately pull up the “movie” of the time you were dismissed by your boss in front of your coworkers.

In reality, the situation you are approaching is completely new and free of negative circumstances, but in your mind, you’re just fostering bad vibes based on a subconscious pattern you’ve created to keep yourself safe:

I got hurt doing XYZ; I don’t like feeling hurt; I would like to avoid XYZ; I will give myself a reason to avoid XYZ.

Unfortunately, this action has the opposite of its intended effect: when we preserve these mental images and call them up just before the action in question, we actually put ourselves back in the very mental state we were trying to avoid. What’s worse, however, is that now we’ve also added anxiety to the mix.

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[jamesjacobs]

As someone who just got over social anxiety this is 100% true and I wish I had known this years ago. A few months ago I found out that anxiety disorders and depression are, in many cases, caused by irrational thoughts in our thought cycle. I found that examining my thoughts or mental movies, seeing how illogical they were and then discarding them as wrong really helped. Another thing that really helped me is releasing the tension in my body before or during a situation that would trigger my anxiety. I didn't know this until recently, but going into some social situations my muscles would be tense the whole time. By relaxing my muscles, especially my shoulders for some reason, it gave me an instant feeling of calm and helps that fight or flight feeling that certain social situation gave me, which made it easier to listen and come up with a response. Keep up the great work Dr. Aziz, good information like yours is hard to find.

[breakthroughmoment]

We relive our past experiences in the present when we get the first "whiff" or reminder of a bad experience we had in the past. I think those mental tapes you're referring to are our faulty belief systems and thought patterns that are based on our childhood programming. For me it used to be the fear of being excluded in social settings because in school I was singled out, bullied and socially isolated. So, fast forward to the present, if someone forgets to give me a place setting "at the table, " my automatic response is to think they did it on purpose when it could have just been an oversight or mistake. But, we accept the ills of others as our "reality" when it is not. So, to reprogram our faulty thinking, we can use self-help tools such as positive affirmations, mindfulness training, and meditation to eliminate the thoughts that cause us gratuitous and unnecessary suffering.

[curlycreative]

Yes I have a very developed imagination. As a child I wrote stories and painted and was very talented at it. you made me think maybe my whole problem is a problem I had created for myself?

[anthony]

Just wanna say that I really, really appreciate these videos. I've had social anxiety problem the last few years, and met with a few counselors/therapists and none of them really hit the nail on the head of my problems like you do. It's like every video is about my life. Wonderful stuff, thank you. Just after two videos, I had such a better experience out in public and in social situations than I was before.

[aviiinnn]

I just found your channel recently and I had to subscribe it right away it's been almost 3 or 4 days I've been going through all your videos one by one watching them. I've learned so much for the past days and thank you Dr aziz!keep posting these videos😊

[andrewpascual]

Great advice usual doc, looking great as well.

[vianangela]

Thanks for your precious help, dr Aziz you are the best!!

[mikemclean]

Outstanding! Thanks for sharing, Dr A!

[HofitKanter]

Thank you so much ! your simple methods and questions helped me so much through my life

[heroicmuffin]

Great video Aziz, will definitely give it a try. Say, do you have any knowledge about meditation regarding it's benefits with social anxiety?

[bryanh]

I like the idea, but when trying to change my mind it will go blank and feel as if it doesn't know any good movies. Any advice?

[tanviramin]

Dr how many books you wrote.Plz give me the list of your books.And where can i find your books.Love you Dr.

[curlycreative]

I wanted to ask whether self confidence and social anxiety had a direct connection? dose your plan deals with one of them or both? because i feel like creating self confidence and overcoming social anxiety is not the same thing for me. for example i develop more confidence in some situations but yet feel social anxiety on other situations.

[chuffz]

Link doesn't work for confidence university

[milestone]

hey Dr Aziz, your videos are amazing and I recently started listening to your podcasts as well and there is a ton of useful info in them. I dont know if this is the appropriate way to ask but I have a question.

In some of your videos and podcasts you mentioned that in order to change our mindset we need to become aware of our thoughts and tune in to what our inner critic is saying... I sometimes have a problem with that because often when I am in a social interaction or with strangers, I just get inhibited... and I dont have any thoughts. I know there is some negative thinking going on at a deep level but I can not access it and I just get inhibited. I can not listen to the negative thoughts but they still affect my behavior and damage my confidence while staying on a subconscious level.

My question is How can I bring these to surface so I can start dealing with them and countering them?

I know you get a lot of emails and its difficult to reply to each one but I hope you answer this one. Thanks again and please keep up the good work, your videos are literally life saving! Regards

[anjanoppinger]

I want to change my mental movie. I really wanna change it. Any advice from you how to systematically work on that and how NOT drop this commitment? What to do if thoughts like this come up constantly "This doesn't make any sense", "This is stupid", "This is a waste of time", "This doesn't help"?

[galaxywhispers]

Hi Dr Aziz, I'm going on my first date with a women in 30 years, how should I create a good first impression with her. She is a bit shy and it will be the first time meeting her face to face. What would you recommend and how should I end the date with her? Any advice would be great.

[workubiadglign]

I am new subscriber from Africa(Ethiopia). I need to develope my self confidence and need selfconfidence document or learning or prezentation ad you like. So would you help me to develope the good habit

[susanswan]

In regard to changing the movie you are playing in your head - I have an active imagination, and fantasy life. I see in my head how I want these situations to play out. Only problem is, the movie doesn't have a script. And it can't have a script, because conversations have a life of their own, and can't follow a script. My problem isn't the movie, its the script. You can have a great movie but if the actress playing the lead is wooden, can't act and can't remember her lines the movie's going to suck. Likewise, you can have a great actress cast in the lead, but if the script sucks, the movie will be a flop. In my case my movies have a lousy actress and a crappy script. I need acting lessons and better scripts.