Why Do We Believe Unscientific Stories About Dating?

Being in the dating and relationship community for over a decade, I've been exposed to a large number of stories about how humans are supposed to date and interact.

Most of these attraction stories are not even unscientific but actually fly in the face of proper research studies. So why do we persist in believing these stories even though they're blatantly wrong?

When you're trying to attract a woman, and make sense of the dating world, it can be tempting to hear a great story that validates the way you see the world, and explains a lot of your dating frustrations - then you're inclined to believe it.

That makes it really hard for many men and women to work on themselves in the dating world.

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School Of Attraction

Dating And Relationship Coach

[robertmaxa]

When it comes to science, hindsight is 20/20. They delt with the information they had at that time, and made a best guess. Remember, doctors used to prescribe smoking, and prescribe vibrators for women, to cure "hysteria".

[martintheguitarist]

If you concentrated on the women who are interested in you then you don't need any of these stories.

[RocketsTalk]

Hey man, can you make another video of reviewing subscribers dating profiles?

[jbarkerhill]

Interesting vid.

One theme I got from it is science vs. anecdotal experience.
There are prob lots of valid theories about evolution of gender, sexual selection, attraction. But those are much less relatable than personal experience with dating.
I tend to enjoy science and theory, because it helps me to understand my own anecdotal experiences also.

One problem with evolutionary psychology is that it’s retrospective. You’re trying to recreate the past to explain why things are the way they are currently. So the theories about like alpha males getting lots of women, and male animals competing for breeding, etc., are only somewhat accurate.
I think some women are more attracted to introverted, smart guys, not macho alpha guys.

Health and virility are important factors for being attractive, across spectrum of animals. Humans have sex for enjoyment but evolutionary purpose is to pass on genes and have kids. And there’s def selective breeding in animals including humans: similarly good looking / healthy animals are attracted to each other.

Also, romantic relationships are social. It’s a form of friendship, with added aspect of attraction and physical intimacy. But have to enjoy talking to other person and be intellectually and personality compatible.

Plenty of guys, including myself, fantasize that a relationship would fix some of their problems. For quite a while I’ve fixated on an ex I wish I could get back with thinking things would be alright if I was with her. But really, have to be self sufficient and have own good life and habits. Dating hopefully is an addition to already self sufficient life, not filling a void

[larutmrs]

Hey Damien, I have a question, you talked in the video that, as long as you are attractive enough, personality is what matters, I could see that being true but, why do I always feel so rejected and ugly whenever using a dating app? I get a few matches the first few days and then, radio silence from the girls, while I see some of my friends having no trouble attracting girls on tinder, they don’t do anything special, they are just attractive, Im not super handsome but I am not bad looking either why do I feel like I have todo all the work to be considered attractive while others don have to do any of that?

[vincentlanglo]

I think integral spirituality is something that could deeply interest you. There is a brilliant introduction called "introduction to integral spirituality| Ken wilber" on YouTube, it would mean much to me, if you could look into it

[jcransome]

Dude. Stop your scamming. Get a real job and face reality

[Straga_Severa]

And, once again, the fact that a child will not literally instantly die the moment their parents are dead, does not mean that his life will be not miserable.
A child that has both parents and tribe support is much more likely to not die (and manage to get a partner in the end, because a person without kids cannot transfer their genes). And genes can pick on the very small differences, even around 1-2%.

I'm curious, are you familiar with an Owen Lovejoy's theory about transition from polygamy to serial monogamy in connection with transition to bipedalism and evolving the "exchanging sex for food" behaviour pattern?

[agoogleuseranonymous]

Damien I have a topic I'm really wondering about and I thought that maybe you had some thoughts on. It is that women only see men of their race as potential partners. Like I'm ethnic and on dating apps, I will never match almost with a woman who isn't of my ethnicity(I'm getting decent success with women who are the same ethnicity as me). Well it happens that I match with a white woman but very rarely(and it's the not attractive obese ravaged ones). This is what I'm seeing. Do you believe that women are that racist? Funny thing is that I live in the West and I have nothing in common with these Easterner women apart from the looks. But yes the traditional Western white woman will never right swipe me. So yeah it seems that tribes are very looks based for women. It's all in the color of the guy's skin.

I think you can still find a Caucasian partner as an ethnic guy but it's going to be a lot more work. You're going to have to do it the warm method(meet friends of friends organically and really prove that you belong to her tribe). But yeah I don't know that many people and especially during this pandemic, everything is online/restricted. Or if you're extremely extroverted and good at creating acid chemistry out of nothing, maybe you can try cold approaches IRL. But it most likely would be a huge waste of time as most women you'll meet aren't looking to be approached by a dude in the street. White guys just have it easier. Their guard will be down and they will match with them on dating apps.

Have you seen this too? Do you agree with this?

[Straga_Severa]

Another problem with your video is that you are really focused on bashing the "it's not your fault" line - this bashing automatically means that you are shaming people, telling them that it IS their fault. (I don't think that it was your message at all, I think that it is just an unfortunate choice of words.)

I think a much better alternative would be: "It's not your fault that you are short/bald/..., and you have a disadvantage, but you still can improve and get results. You should not be ashamed of your features and think it is your fault, but you can change your life and get what you want".

For example, to apply this to me: it's not my fault that I have a big hormonal problem that makes me fat, and that I have other health problems that prevent me from really working out. I should not be ashamed of this. But I still can improve in this area - maybe I will never become a not-fat muscular guy, but I can be a bit less fat and a bit more fit.

It's not a dichotomy between thinking it is your fault and not taking action. You can think it is not your fault AND still take action.