Introverted Guys Need To Know THIS About Dating

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[PRdude]

"A wise man speaks because he has something to say. A fool speaks because he has to say something." - Plato

[mysticstarhf]

As an introvert, I did not get to go on my first date until I was 26; struck out every time before that. I'm a quiet homebody, in bed by 7:30pm even on the weekends and love my quiet time. I asked out a girl who I thought was "completely out of my league pretty" (I call her my modern-day Marilyn Monroe) because I just decided to take the risk one day one more time. No cheesy pick up lines and no cheesy macho approach. I probably came off as a 1950s nerd asking her out politely and simply. Amazingly she said Yes. By shear luck, we had similar personalities and likes/dislikes and similar ambitions for later in life. Three years of dating later we were married and 19 years later we are still married. How did I use my introverted personality? I really have no idea. I often wonder how I got so lucky. I once asked her why she said yes to a date when I'd heard there were other guys at work wanting to court her. She simply said nobody else ever asked her out; which amazed me, I guess it's true that girls who are too pretty sometimes never get asked. And, that I asked her nicely...she emphasized the "I asked her nicely" part. The rest I think was luck that we were well matched. I never put on a show that I was something more or did anything to try to impress her. I just talked to her, respected her (just be polite and friendly to not only her but everyone...she can tell if you are sincere or not) and took her out to do things I liked to do and that I normally did (again, no flashy dates that were outside of my daily routine/life of things I normally did)....and....I didn't focus on or hit on her prettiness or on sex (months of dating before getting around to the intimate part, hey, the getting to know each other by talking was working well). And well, she liked that. Money was not an issue. Back then she was making $27, 000/yr and I was making $18, 000/yr, so she didn't date me for my money....we worked at the same employer. But she knew that I had ambition and drive to do better in the future and so she stayed with me and I eventually did substantially better. An interesting note, I proposed to her after 2 years of dating. And when I proposed, she said Yes and said that it was about time as she was ready to say Yes six months earlier and was getting close to giving up on me. I never saw the signs that she was ready earlier. Of course you are probably wondering if I'm still married why am I watching this? Because I like to learn about different things on self-improvement and YouTube makes that easy; I don't need or adopt all the advise, but it's interesting none the less. My advice as an introvert who isn't good at conversation to start (I'm not a quick thinker on my feet and need time to absorb and analyze details before going further), think of basic probing questions to ask on the first date. Then go home, and write some notes down. On later dates, think about what she said and look at your notes on the previous dates and then pre-write/remember deeper follow up questions. For example, if on the first date you find out she likes to snowboard, after asking about how long and where she likes to go, you start asking much deeper questions about why she likes it, what's that deep drive inside of her that makes that fun and interesting and you ask the right, sincere, meaningful questions you get her thinking introspectively about herself. My wife found that attractive as by the second date other guys she had dated were more focused on her boobs at that point.

[laobaba]

1. listening to others, curiosity
2. Always consider the matter carefully
3. Independent, Know yourself, this also makes it easier for you to understand the other person
4. know how to use body language

[josephstevens]

I have found being an introvert has taught me to better understand people, their struggles and motivations. I also developed a strong sense of empathy towards others as well.

[brokecsstudent]

Being an introvert could be a blessing under disguise

[kidrenzo]

As an Introvert it is difficult, I've been told my "tiredness" after a day out is just an excuse to leave/escape and go home, to which some think that means I don't care or I'm not interested. I guess the key is to find someone who understands how introverts work cause they can be massively misunderstood.

[Courtney-Alice-Gargani]

I’m an introvert. I only talk to a person one on one or a small group. I can get shy around a large group of people. I am selective who I bring into my life. I think introverts are more genuine and extroverts just want attention.

[Mr_Fairdale]

When I found out what an introvert was I remember thinking” 🤔 oh that’s why I find myself yawning at 7pm at dinners with huge groups of friends or just wanting to get back to reading my book when I was at parties lol”

[Introvertedalpha]

Love these points, especially how introverts don't rush. This leads to well thought-out conversations and dates. Thanks for this video!

[leoonwuzu]

I am an introvert by nature and I don't regret it. It helps me to package myself very well, being kind, sincere and truthful in all my dealings with people. Although some insincere, untrustworthy and negative minded people see it as a weakness and take undue advantage of it. However, posterity eventually makes me a winner all the time.

[mav]

Good points. I was pretty introverted in high school and part of college. Being an introvert as a guy is a major issue with dating. However, I did push myself to become more social and now I'm more of an ambivert. In the end, you can use some of your listening skills to enhance your dating experiences, but you still need to do more than usual compared to someone who is a natural extrovert

[ShamanMcLamie]

I definitely felt that reading the room moment the other night. I joined some coworkers to a Karaoke Bar. I really like singing, but I've never sung at Karaoke. Never liked the bar scene. Also most of the songs I know are show tunes, joke songs, or old songs ranging from drunken sailor, battle hymn of the republic, or 1950s big band songs. Most of the songs being sung were more modern and I thought it would be weird if I sang something really old. Well I noticed non of my coworkers were brave enough to go do Karaoke themselves and I figured since I like singing I should go up there and do it, but what really inspired me was seeing all the couples in the bar. Particularly one couple a table over who seemed really into each other. I had one song that would really fit with what I was seeing. So I overcame any anxiety I asked the DJ to play the song when I came up. When it finally was my turn I started singing "That's Amore" by Dean Martin and the bar just lit up. People cheered some got up and started dancing. When I was finished I got a lot of compliments, the DJ had a big smile and looked really impressed and the lady from that couple a table over complimented and gave me a thumbs up. Have to admit it was a real ego boost for me that night.

Looking back I think a mix of being a really unexpected, but well known and a very fun song along with the fact I knew how to sing the song well is why it was such a hit with the crowd. I don't think I would have picked that song if it wasn't for being able to look around and read the room.

[rubenvilla]

As an introvert, this video made me feel understood and validated. In an extrovert-centric society, we are often overlooked and oftentimes think we are wrong for being the way we are when that is not the case. We have many strengths that extroverts do not, especially when it comes to dating. If you are an introvert, be true to your introversion and do not try to be more extroverted. You are the way you are for a reason. Just be yourself; you will find someone who will enjoy being with you because of who you are.

[royalprince]

i like how so many people here claim to be an introvert then they said i practiced and now im an extrovert !! dude u cant become an extrovert with any practice, you can only become more social !

[hervemaguilera]

I love going out to the park. But sometimes I prefer not to because everytime I do it, all I see is couples. And I think to myself: I would like so much to have a girl in my life who wants to spend moments like that with me as much as I want to. Walk together, lay down on the grass and talk for hours, eat ice-cream... It just makes me sad. Not angry, not resentful. Just sad. Why can't I have something like that ? Why does it seems like everyone can, but I can't ? I know it's not a matter of physycal attractiveness because a lot of those guys are average, just like me. I hate sitting on a bench and eat my ice-cream alone every week, but I just don't know what to do. Everytime I think I have met a girl who may be interested in me, it turns out at the end that she wasn't. Or she didn't want anything serious. I just don't know what to do. I fear one day I will wake up having 30yo feeling as lonely as I feel today.

[undrd_kid]

From one introvert to another, preciate you Court! Focusing on my career and other priorities as I’m 24 and 3 months out of college, is important to me long before I think about putting a woman in my life.

[Bigtank]

It also helps for the person dating a Introvert to speak up too. What I mean by that is to maybe talk about a topic you like too. A lot of the time, I'm the one having to carry a conversation, I'll speak on things, but I hate carrying it. Like you said at the start, it's mostly due to social anxiety and a lot of people don't ever give any time to to talk. The reason why things turn into small talk.

[ralphsainvilus]

Great video! The “do not rush” part definitely resonates with me more than the others. Sometimes I feel like silence in conversations is likely to kill the mood. The longer or more frequent it becomes, the less interesting the convo. But after watching your video, it’s a great reminder to not feel rushed to make a conversation as exciting as possible compared to those of extroverts with little to no pauses. It will flow naturally; all it takes is confidence and practice. Thanks!

[johngonzalez]

Happy Friday, Courtney! I would consider myself both an extrovert and introvert as I'm outgoing with people but I definitely embrace my privacy. When I don't know someone well, I'm definitely going to be more introverted but as I get to know them, I will feel more comfortable to see if they're worth trusting or keep at distance. My girlfriend and I are totally different from each other but it evens out as it's a good balance between her and I

[mr.goodwrench]

Thank you for doing a video on this subject. As an introvert myself, and single, I haven't been out on the dating scene lately. Yet, I remain in that constant state of self-improvement, and I do hope that I meet a high-quality lady someday that is also in a self-improvement mode as well. Because after all, if you want high quality, you have to be high quality.