The Essential of Understanding Transition Model of Emotional Cycles!

Once you understand Kelley/Connor's model of emotional cycles applied to gender transition, it will help you get over how you see challenges.

----
👇Transform U With Dr. Z equips you with powerful tools to combat gender dysphoria, break the cycle of imposter syndrome, and crash transition fears👇
⏤

----
🫶Follow Me for Daily Tips & Advice on How to Deal with Gender Dysphoria on Social Channels!
⏤

---
⏤

Subscribe to My Channel for a Weekly Dose of Informative & Supportive Information!

Hello Friends! I'm Dr Z, and this is a channel where I help you break free from dysphoria!

👉NOTE: I work solely with adults, and all video content is marked for adults only. As such, the information shared is based on my experience working with adults only.

DISCLAIMER: Note that as a clinical psychologist, I created this channel to share information. Therefore, I won't be providing or offering therapeutic advice. I am also not a medical doctor. When I speak on medical issues such as hormones or surgical procedures, the goal is to share information and not to provide medical advice, and you should always consult with your medical doctor. Additionally, this channel is for those seeking information and understanding and to gain awareness.

#gender #genderdysphoria #transgender #nonbinary #genderidentity #gendertransition #gendertherapist #transhealth #transgenderwomen #transmann #enby #hormones #dysphoria #selfhelp #transformation

[MrEshed]

After the euphoria of initial discovery, the "cracking egg, " I'm in the first dip. It feels like I'm not making progress, and discouragement is setting in as I look at the entire mountain before me. I'm trying to see the goal without worrying about the distance.

[AB_RetroSynth]

It took me a long time before I was comfortable enough to present as non binary out in the world. Once I discovered dressing to blend in there was no turning back. I used to think the object of the game was to dress over the top, ultra-femme sexy. That was the low point for me. Then I became informed, and now I feel I am becoming who I truly need to be as a non binary person. I probably spent nearly 2 decades in that low point before I found a way to turn this gender dysphoria into gender euphoria.

[FrozEnbyWolf]

Ever since coming out to myself, I've been in the euphoria phase, which I guess would correlate to the initial phase on the model. However, I know my life will continue to have ups and downs, and I had already tempered my expectations in knowing that transitioning isn't going to solve all my problems. The thing is, before I knew I was trans, I had lived as someone with severe clinical depression. I've already walked miles in the worst pits of despair. That was my entire life, and it dictated who I was, and what I could do. It turns out I was depressed because I didn't know I was trans, as the depression has gone into remission since coming out. No matter how long my transition takes, I'm still in a much better place than when I was depressed all the time, and that makes it easier to deal with whatever challenges life has in store.

[elsieparker]

My anthem during the Valley of Despair was "Next Right Thing" from Frozen 2.

It acknowledged the pain-- I've seen dark before, but not like this. This is cold, this is empty, this is numb.
It acknowledged the loss-- The life I knew is over, the lights are out.
It affirmed that the only way out was through-- But a tiny voice whispers in my mind, you are lost, hope is gone, but you must, go on.
It mourned the loss of relationships-- I follow you around, I always have. But you've gone to a place I cannot find.
It gave me a concrete action to take-- And do the next right thing. Take a step, step again, it is all that I can to do, the next right thing.
It kept me focused on the tiny steps, not the insurmountable mountain-- I won't look too far ahead, it's too much for to take, but break it down to this next step, this next choice, is one that I can make.
And it let a little hope into the darkess-- So I'll walk through this night, stumbling blindly towards the light, and do the next right thing.

So that's what I did. Over and over and over. I listened to that song, and I took a tiny step. I filled out a form. I did some research. I made a phone call. I reached out for help. And slowly those tiny steps built up into an avalanche of change that carried me out.

I'm literally sobbing with pride and accomplishment as I write this. I am just so incredibly proud of the strength and endurance I found inside myself during that time.

And now, just 1.5 years later, I'm sitting somewhere around stages 4-5. I love my life, I'm mentoring others, and I'm building up success in my career and relationships. I also totally resonate with what you said about social transition-- my biggest journey now is learning how to navigate this world as a woman. It's so much easier than living as a man, but at the same time there's a huge learning curve. It's one that I'm excited about though! Unlike learning the nonsensical scripts for how to be a man, this is just learning how I authentically fit into society.

[donaldhollingsworth]

This is a great graph. I find myself at the Valley of Despair. You explain this in a terrific simple & easy to understand.

[damwalsh]

As usual DrZ you have a wonderful way of words that can shed some light on our struggles. I’m 6 months on HRT and feel that Mount Everest is unobtainable and even harder that I now believe I also have ADHD. The good news for myself is that I have a very loving and supportive wife. Most of her friends and family know I’m transgender and are supportive but none of my own family know. This is the biggest obstacle I must endure. Not there yet but like you said, baby steps. Thanks again for your wonderful channel and insight.

[jimjones]

Wow, your words help, so much, it is a struggle, your explanation takes away the sting! I am older (78), I am only, now, understanding the root of my Depression and 5 failed marriages, Gender Disphoria explains a lot Thank you!

[jameshollen]

Dr. Z is talking about me ! Emotions up and down like an old roller coaster. Its getting much worse now that I am at 75 !

[paranoidrodent]

Very interesting. I feel like I went through a cycle like this during the 5 year period of questioning I experienced (with the "oh shit, I'm not cis" moment starting it and accepting I was a trans woman being the success/fulfillment moment in that cycle). Of course, that self-acceptable led to a whole new cycle of changes... and I am tempted to say multiple simultaneous cycles.

Since I was facing a long wait for HRT, I have aggressively been pursuing progress in other facets of transition (e.g. facial electrolysis, upcoming voice coaching, ongoing gender therapy, coming out socially and beginning the process of social transition). It feels like I have multiple cyclical wave patterns going on at once, which helps average things out a bit. I might be having a "valley of despair" moment regarding HRT at one point but then I go to another electrolysis session (and see the slow progress in the mirror), have a therapy session or just hear my loved ones calling me by new name and it helps.

I feel like my emotions and thoughts relating to transition and how it is progressing are spread out among multiple streams rather than just one clear overall pattern, like interacting ripples in a pond rather than a single clear waveform. I can feel like one facet is hopeless but other facets show progress and help keep the despair in check. Some days are definitely rougher than others and my initial euphoria has passed but it just feels like a very complicated set of interactions, at least within me. I'm sure I'll have some day in the future when my negative feelings on all fronts overlap and that will be a very rough period indeed but I suspect it won't last overly long as my cycles regarding various forms of progress don't seem to be very synchronous.

[gediminasmurauskas]

Thank you, Natalia! The Kelley and Connor emotional cycle model is applicable to a diverse variety of personal behavioral changes. Your application to the context(s) of gender transition sheds much light on what I have been living through in recent years.

[kennedysangiovese]

Thank you for this Dr. Z. I really need to start seeing you again. I am euphoric in the valley of despair. I am amazed at the progress I’ve made, yet I feel a certain hopelessness, but there is a glimpse of hope, I could never go back to what I was, if there is a God, I think she is showing us the way forward, slowly painfully, it is amusing, I have to remember that🤔☺️ I’ve written a book about it. It’s called the goddess of second chances, it’s on Amazon. Cathartic, for me – writing it. Cheers

[miyahollands]

I have been stuck at stage 3 for the passed 4 days and I fell off the rails today. I went out, as my female self, with a work colleague at the weekend. I was passing/blending, I was out in the general public and it felt normal surrounded by strangers who were just going about their lives, oblivious of me. It was also the first time I felt as ease with being me, it felt good to be in my skin - it was totally a massive eye opener, the high of finally being me and it was overwhelming.

This high came crashing down, when it was time to go back to being my biological self. I could feel the weight of being him slowly creeping up, pressing down on me. I started hunching over feeling down, I could feel the shell of him slowly closing around me and it put me in a negative mood for the passes 4 day until I cracked!

I have presented as female meny time before, but none of them resulted in such a low. I couldn't think at work, I was reaching out to professional advice and nobody was getting back to me. My work colleague started pulling away, on top of a less that receptive home environment - I could feel depression just around the corner, It felt like I was rudder-less and adrift.

I knew this wasn't going anywhere good, my lows are normally very, very low. And sometimes accompanied by suicidal throughs - I can fully understand why so many transgender people don't make it.

So, I decided to draw a line under this week, I have taken some time off to give myself some head space. But, when I got home I had my boss call to check on me, he goes " take as much time as you need!". I was getting messages from colleagues offering support. My mum called, she was out with my aunt and she needed a confidante, so turned to her. My aunt was 100% excepting and can't wait to meet my female self. My uncle called and we had another 2.5 hour long chat and he can't wait either. All this all helped me pull my head back out of a very dark hole enabling me to reset and regroup.

What I'm taking away from this experience is that this only serves to reinforced the fact that deciding to transition is the bast way forward for me. Unpacking years of suppressed feelings and emotions will create s#!+ days.

So, use stage 1 to build a network of support around you. So, when the s#!÷ hits the fan, you just have to hit that panic button and help is there!

[toddandrews]

Just starting to try and start transition and I have never felt optimistic about it because I see all of the obstacles and drawbacks to it, especially where I work and live. I still feel like I need to attempt it just to feel whole and at peace with myself. What will be will be.

[edjacob]

I am older in my sixties Friday will be my first visit with the doctor and I'm just starting this journey already I feel the dips

[wadewinstonwilson]

I came out to my sister in a letter and her initial response was that my counselor must have put words in my mouth and that this isn't me.
She later said that's not how she meant it but it was very clear to me.
Since then we haven't addressed it.
Nothing changed.

In my head this would've been a big breaking point, finally getting someone on my team so I wouldn't have to face this alone.
The fact that nothing happened, that I'm still waiting for a therapist and that I'm facing at least a year of appointments until I can get on HRT.. It all just made me loose all hope.
I started feeling numb again, pushing the thoughts away, filling alone time with constant screen time or retreating into a fantasy world.
And the number I feel the more I doubt myself.
I used to be able to feel it so clearly and truly and now I look back at my journal entries and wonder how I did it

[ZoeyR]

this concept happens are multiple scales, you have this feel with the over all transition as well as the smaller parts like coming out. first time shopping. starting HRT talking with your doctor. divorce court

[erikthalman]

Thanks Dr Z! 38 y/o AMAB non-binary 2 and a half months on feminizing HRT. Starting to get discouraged and honestly I'm scared that I might want surgeries. This video came just when I needed to hear this!

[davefisher]

Very interesting. So far, after 10 months on HRT I’m still doing great! Thanks for a helpful video!

[AmbulantBoxer]

This is an incredibly helpful video. Thank you. I'm probably somewhere just below the informed pessimism point!

[Aisaiah]

My biggest fear is getting all the way through transition, being content, and feeling lost….not because my transition was successful but because for so many years my focus has been on transitioning. Once it is over, I will not have anything as a goal- the struggle has become a part of my identity. How do I replace this focus now so it is easier when all is “done”? I hope this question and concern makes sense…