it takes a village!! let's explore communal living & intentional communities | Internet Analysis

** Care/of works hard to recommend supplements based on scientific research and your personal goals. As a friendly reminder, supplements aren’t intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. **

TIME STAMPS:
00:00 - intro
3:09 - roommates
4:52 - thank you, sponsor!
6:22 - suburbs & the nuclear family
8:32 - live closer to friends!
11:10 - defining coliving, cohousing, intentional communities, etc
14:30 - joyful coliving! (LGBTQ+ houses, platonic life partners)
17:26 - multigenerational living
19:41 - ADUs (granny flats, guest houses, etc)
21:15 - Cohousing; co-buy a duplex
24:33 - cohousing communities, eco villages
28:35 - final thoughts

RESOURCES & REFERENCES:

VIDEO B-ROLL:

Tiffany Ferguson (she/her), 28 years old. #internetanalysis #community #loneliness

This episode was co-written by Sheriden Smith!

[abbysc]

I would love to be able to offer more communal support for my neighbors. Like, let me bring you soup if you’re sick! Let me watch your kids while you go to a doctor’s appointment! But I feel like people are so distrustful that I don’t know how to say I’m available for that support without seeming creepy.

[nikkiu.]

"Many people are prepared to move for a new job, to be with a romantic partner, or even just for an adventure. Moving to be closer to buddies should be no different. Friends are not incidental to a good life; they're essential to one." I wish this was a more common mindset in our society.

[longlivebeans]

Everyday I see how this individualism shit is hurting kids the most. I grew up during a time where it was normal for parents to get together a couple times a month & let the kids run around with each other but whenever I try to recreate that for my own kid, other parents act like I just asked them for a kidney. Like oh I’m so sorry I invited y’all into to my home so I could feed & entertain you while our kids learn basic social skills my bad 🙄

[aurelia]

One thing I think was left out of this video is that unfortunately, many HOA’s block these co-housing arrangements and do not allow multiple people to sign onto the same mortgage unless they’re married or otherwise related. It sucks and it’s yet another way to prevent lower income folks from owning their own property.

[nickit]

I think part of the reason the show “Friends” was so popular was because of the characters’ closeness. The show allowed the viewer to feel like they were a part of the gang. All the characters lived near each other (except Phoebe) and they saw each other daily. I think many of us want that, and we participated in it through watching that show.

[ziggy]

i’ve cried to my therapist about this very topic 😭 i want a close community of family and friends SO BAD

[JMSayler]

I own a property that has 3 living units on it and i filled it up with friends, then more friends moved 2 houses down. It has been some of the most fun ive ever had in my life these last 2 years, i never would have imagined how social ive become!

[kuromi_pink]

I think the biggest difficulty with moving near friends is that job opportunities usually dictate where we live and when your friends have various professions, everyone finding jobs in the same area is nigh impossible, especially right now.

[NoFirstNoLastName]

I will tell you this. I currently live communally with my family.

I HATE it. You discover one thing through this: You’re loved ones are not necessarily the ones you love.

I love them in a sense of their family, but their personalities are not what I want around me, and being with them all the time made me discover this. Before you do this, PLEASE spend time with someone in their worst moments.

That’s why I always encourage couples to live together for a while before getting married. Have sex, if interested, do finances, push expectations to see what you are not willing to compromise on. See them at their worst and let them see you at your worst and yall figure out real quick if yall only worked out because of the distance of not living together.

[lmsmith]

I'm married, but I'd love a side-by-side duplex with my best friend in which we have a shared yard where we can garden and host shindigs together. It'd be so easy for us to care for each other's cats!

[Zyrada]

I'm 31 and have always had roommates. But I'm actually making enough money now that for the first time in my life, living alone is starting to look like a realistic (even sensible) option. The problem I run into with cohabitation is that people are bad at it, and I count myself as "people" here. I struggle to maintain healthy boundaries and structure, and with the added complexity of other humans in my living space where finances and resources are pooled, I end up diminishing myself. It sucks because I know that ideally, we're social and communal animals that thrive on community and close interpersonal connections.

In theory, I love the idea of living communally, but I feel like I need to figure myself out in isolation and learn what my own needs are before I can live in a situation where I'm required to voice them.

[katherinedickerson]

I live in a "planned community", Columbia, MD. It is actually pretty amazing! The place was designed for many socioeconomic backgrounds to live together and mix, but the best part is the shared facilities: multiple lakes with 100+miles of maintained paths. Many indoor and outdoor pools, and EVERYTHING is walkable. Best quality of life I have ever had.

[shadowmoon]

This is a topic I think about A LOT and have so many mixed feelings about it. I also wish I lived closer to more friends and family. That being said, I do like having my own apartment. I'm also selective about the people I associate with, because there are some very dysfunctional people out there, and you don't want to become dependent on them.

I also appreciate that you didn't over-romanticise/idealize any one living situation. As a South Asian American, I get tired of White progressives misunderstanding non-Western cultures and painting them with one brush. Something that frequently goes unmentioned is that a lot of multigenerational households/communities are dependent on unpaid female labor that takes a major toll on the women in the family. Yes, taking care of aging relatives sounds nice...but who do you think does most of it? And like was mentioned in the video, some families have very toxic and codependent personalities where the healthiest option is to leave the situation altogether.

Also, I would argue that most Asian, particularly South Asian communities, aren't "collectivist". They are still based on social class divisions, hierarchies, and strict gender roles. In the country my parents are from, many middle class multigenerational households use live-in servants and maids to take care of its members. This means the privilege of living in multigenerational households itself is limited to a few, since the working class people have to leave their own families to earn a living. It's interesting how Western progressives are all for women and workers rights until those people are nonwhite.

[Cationna]

An interesting aspect of this for me is that nowadays we're trying to kind of reverse-engineer a traditional village. "Wouldn't it be fun if our friends lived close and created a supportive community?" Well, actually, it's not a new invention, you just start the other way around: you befriend your neighbours and start giving to your local community, meeting people where they're at and creating new opportunities and initiatives you're passionate about. One of the most freeing and heartening things about this kind of community life is that you do NOT have to have the exact same mindset, path of life, situation, you don't have to have much in common at all except the physical proximity and good will. In the best scenarios, it broadens minds and develops respect for other people's choices while also teaching problem-solving and communication. In the worst scenarios, people fail under tension. In most cases, you'll have moments of both.
I think we are desperately craving community, but haven't been taught or unlearned how to create it. And yes, I'm blaming computers. (We are unable to comprehend any other way of starting things than creating a group or advertising online - which is a fine way, don't get me wrong, but people managed without it before.) It's not just that, of course, but it's definitely one of the roots of constantly increasing isolation and loneliness, on top of rejecting, deconstructing, or straight up demonisinf traditional forms of community.

[merefinl]

I was heartbroken the day my best friend told me she was moving out. We'd been living together for years (6 counting college dorms) and had a lot of shared resources between us. It had taken a lot of trust building and conflict resolution to get to that point, and I'd begun to see us as a unified household. Even our pets were closely bonded to each other. She had legitimate personal reasons for wanting to live on her own, and I've been doing the same with no issues since then. But it was jarring to realize that not everyone values the unique opportunities that come from living more communally.

I've always dreamed of living right next door to my friends, ever since I was an isolated high school student. I had a ton of friends in college and our friend group stayed close for a few years post-graduation, but gradually we've mostly grown apart. For me, close friendships have always been so rare and special that I go out of my way to prioritize them. It's always been demoralizing to realize that other people find that desire childish or unhealthy. I'm a perfectly independent adult woman, and I could be independent for the rest of my life, but that doesn't mean I'll be doing it happily.

[riverdorfsee]

My biggest flex in life is having my parents, cousins and friends all in a 10 min bike ride radius and if the weather is nice 20 min walk max! ❤️ The other day I had a hard day and my mom said “wait I’ll be there in 10 min” BLESSED

[XOmangoXO]

One of my favorite aspects of college was being walking distance from friend’s houses

[kyahgrigolon]

I’m 29 and married with a 2 year old and due to have our second child soon. We bought a house with my mum last year - much like the example in your video it meant we could afford to get into the housing market, we cover the mortgage. The property also has a studio on it, which needs renovation, and when the renovation is done my brother will move into that. Our house is semi separated into my mum’s house and our house. It’s mostly wonderful to have 3 adults split the chores/responsibilities and to have mum’s help with childcare.

[mely]

I graduated college almost two years ago and i remember how much it impacted me to lose that sense of community i had back at campus. I kid you not, it depressed the shit out of me. I spent I think the first year after graduation, MOURNING what i was used to.
I basically lived with my friends for five years, i Spent 24/7 with them. I studied architecture and me and my friends would spend day and night together in the school studio. Going from seeing your friends everyday, at any hour, to see them every couple of months was the saddest thing. I still miss it but i think i got used to the single individual life

[risxra]

Idk if it’s bc I’m autistic or what, but I it would be a dream come true for me to live alone one day. I prefer being by myself 99% of the time, and when I engage with friends/family during that 1%, I /need/ my own space to rest and recover. I also have an ED (what’s up ARFID gang) which, combined with my sensory issues, makes communal eating feel like the seventh circle of Hell. On top of that, I am an admittedly shitty roommate: I struggle to communicate, clean up after myself, keep communal spaces tidy, and pay bills on time. I try my best, but I am disabled and it can’t always be helped, at least not at this stage of my life.
All of this being said, I doubt I’ll ever be able to live by myself; I likely will never be able to afford it, and even if I did miraculously fall into that kind of money, I’m discovering as I get older that I have much higher support needs than I once thought, so living alone may not be advisable for me in the first place. I am extremely fortunate that I can rely on my family to support me financially, so I hope that one day with their help I might be able to live at least quasi-alone.