A Subtle Way of Quitting During Rolling in BJJ

Today's video comes from a guy, who we will call Bob, that has been training for a little over a year and says he really enjoys BJJ, even stating that it's really helped him with some mental issues.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, Brazilian Jiu-jitsu also opened him up to aversity that he wasn't used to. For example, he found out that he is a quitter. Whenever things start getting tough in the rolls, he just gives up. By the way, these are his words, not mine.

When his coaches initially noticed the issue, they kind of gave him a pep talk. However, over some time they just stopped trying.

His question to me is if I have any advice on how to overcome the mental block that he recently discovered when he trains BJJ, and how he can grow his "fighting spirit."

So, in this video I'll answer his questions and tell you guys about how I personally had to develop my own "fighting spirit" and grit through BJJ, and even tell exactly what I had to tell myself DAILY to do it. I'll also share the rough inner dialogue I sometimes had going on in my head after training sessions.

I hope you guys can find these ideas useful.

- Chewy
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If you’d ever like to train with the team and I. Check out my gym Derby City MMA in Louisville,KY.

[hardhurt]

Wow... this guy is at least more self aware than most people. That definitely puts him ahead of a lot of folks with problems like this.

[zach]

Brown belt, 9 years of BJJ checking in. Used to quit much easier. Toughness can be learned. Competence builds confidence. Just keep training.

[qibli]

I swear this guy has gone through absolutely every problem or phase in ju-jitsu and is able to tell us exactly what to do on a personal level.

[DoggosAndJiuJitsu]

"The coaches have stopped encouraging me. I guess most people can't be helped." That says a lot about your mindset - at least from my perspective, you're looking for a cheerleader. We all need encouragement, but relying on someone else will always fail. And I'm sure they didn't give up on you. I wonder if they are just giving you space to figure it out. Do like Chewy said and push harder. That's the grit you'll create.

[robcubed]

Regarding this guy not "fighting to the bitter end" during rolls, I've done this multiple times and still do it as a blue belt.

But my reason is that I'm in my early 40's and there are rolls in which I realize that if I don't want to get injured then sometimes I need to tap early. There's a fine balance between "tap early and tap often" and ""learn to be uncomfortable" and maintaining that balance becomes more crucial with age.

[shakalaka]

Also called the downward spiral. As one of three ladies at my gym I lose a lot. But I found it's not my training partners who make me cry when it gets overwhelming. It is that voice in my head telling me I'm a loser, I'm not strong enough, I will never get my skills firm enough to work. Like you I have to push those thoughts out of my mind and purposefully concentrate on the thing I'm learning or maintaining a playful attitude. It's a painful lesson.

[tigercrush]

100% agree. Quitting is a habit, and so is persisting. I think it's worth asking yourself how much of this habit comes from taking comfort in losing "on your terms" instead of giving it your all and still losing, which can feel significantly worse. But you can't lose training. Go get your persistence reps!

[CrazyTom]

Excellent video, there is no shame dealing with this issue. Its morale, its part of sports, part of fighting, part of life. Exceptional athletes, fighters, people can have their morale broken and their resolve crumbles. For me it was never a little voice it was something verging on a panicked claustrophobia, and like chewy said 13 years of jiu jitsu it never really went away, I'm just prepared for it. And that mental training is perishable, I'm a coach now and specifically pick uncomfortable rolls and put myself in bad positions to check my mental game, to force myself to confront that feeling occasionally because it will sneak up on you if you let those skills languish.

[ramiglez]

Chew, you dont know this, but you are my second Coach. This videos are helping me a lot in my journey. This was happening to me as well... first I started to noticed it, and a couple of classes later I started to feel regret everytime I gave up. I reflected on it for a few days and then the "No!!" came... thank God! - Yesterday I was rolling with a higher belt, I couldn't follow his pace, that's fine... he got my back, eventually got the rear-neck choke and I stood there for a few long seconds fighting the grips, and the legs like my live depended on it... I didn't get out at the end but I was VERY proud of myself. Thanks for these videos! (White belt 4 stripe)

[Adam-iput]

Perfect timing. I started 3 weeks ago, and today I noticed this exact problem. I better solve it as soon as possible. Love your videos, keep up the good work!

[StrumVogel]

I’m super close at becoming a black belt. I started at 30 years old. And I’m almost 40 now. This whole entire time, I don’t have health insurance. I also have kids that rely on me. So ever since purple belt, I’ve kinda dialed it down to 70%. The only time I turned it up to 100% is for 5 second during the submission. And that’s okay. Just trying to make it to black belt without getting paralyzed.🤷🏻‍♂️

[ramennoodle]

Man this is so relatable. I played basketball my whole life and had this horrible mentality that I didn’t have to run back on the other side of the court when I got a turn over because you have a team to help out or bail you out, but in this sport it’s like it’s all up to you and you have to push through those moments. I have the problem of telling myself to just quit, it’s almost like a defense mechanism because it’s easier to say you didn’t try than trying your hardest. I really hate that about myself and try to make it a conscious effort to not do that.

[hubriswonk]

This is a great topic that is a real problem for many people and needs more discussion. Thanks Chewy for the video!

[tsa_Yama]

FINALLY! Starting BJJ and judo next week at a local gym

Been watching content like yours and other fighting related content for years as i was never able to join gyms due to low funds.

Literally so excited and just wanted to say thank you and the countless other creators that motivated me to not give up on my interest for grappling.

[richvideo]

There was a time when I felt this. I had been training 5 or 6 years and was constantly putting myself in bad positions and thought I was decent at escaping. One day an actual heavyweight black belt world champion visited our gym. A couple minutes into our roll he mounted me. We had no timer going. I tried the escapes I thought I was good at for a few minutes. I became exhausted after they all failed. 8-9 minutes into the roll I realized I probably wasn’t ever getting out. I attempted to over extend my arm to subtly quit. He knew exactly what I was doing and refused to take it. He pinned my arm back down with his chest. After several minutes of freaking out I was able to drag a foot back in, not even a full half guard. Just the foot. He then immediately took an Ezekiel choke. I started ever roll in bottom mount for months after that.

[kylechu]

My claustrophobia recently came back after three years of doing this. You just described everything’s that I’m currently dealing with Chewy.

[Scott-ynqq]

I am dealing with a situation currently that I’ve had to process and maybe it’s relevant here. I am 43 and started Jiu jitsu just over a year ago. I have no background in combat sports (or much sport experience for that matter). Almost a year to the day of my “journey” I popped my knee rolling. I was training very hard, and very often. I would also say Im not one to quit easily. But what I learnt (I think) when getting injured, was that I was rolling against a younger and faster and better opponent (which is fine) - but the mistake I made, was trying to beat him at his own game (speed, strength, skill) instead of working within the limitations of my speed, strength and skill. And what I’ve realized is, it’s ok to “lose” (and know when to “quit” / “accept the “inevitable loss” as long as you are using the best technique and attributes that you have. You can learn from every loss. Trying to be faster than someone who is faster than you is a recipe for an injury. And likewise for strength etc.

I guess what im trying to say is… I have learnt (and it’s hard to always remember) that it’s not giving up or “losing” if I just do my best to focus on perfecting the technique and skills I have and most importantly learning. There is no point injuring myself trying to win a strength battle against a guy half my age and twice as strong. And even if I did win that strength battle, I’d argue that’s some crappy Jiu jitsu when I could have used good technique instead.

Sadly my knee is most likely permanently compromised. I hope I am wrong about that. A tough lesson to learn. But maybe the silver lining (I hope) is I will pay more attention to technique vs “winning” going forward. And in fact, in the scheme of the “journey” it’s what we learn from these “losses” that will help us ultimately “win”.

I hope that makes sense.

[Spamua]

Haven't even finished the video and I can tell this guy is down bad. He is a quitter because he believes hes a quitter. Psychologically we know that our own image of ourselves becomes our reality. For example, I want to work out more because I'm out of shape. I tell myself I'm fat and out of shape so my reality becomes an unhealthy lifestyle. Instead, I can say "even though I am not as healthy as I could be, I am an active/athletic person." I acknowledge being out of shape as a temporary state rather an aspect of my character. Reframing my mindset this way makes it easier to start working out. He is the person limiting himself, it's a mindset issue. Instead of saying "I'm a quitter" he should be saying, "Even though I want to quit, I am tenacious." Carrying on when things get hard will never be easy he will always have to make the conscious decision to not stop, but as time goes on he will want to quit less and less. He may start to find joy in defying the urge to quit. Either way, he will never beat this unless he himself believes he is not a quitter. It only takes one time to prove to himself that he can continue. It's going to come down to making that conscious choice not to stop.

[andriustheviking]

I love this video. I feel like the "just give up" voice exists in all of us, and gets louder or quieter from time to time, in different scenarios.

[BelowAverageBJJ]

I mentally had a really tough competition this weekend. Conversations like this are super helpful. Thanks.