I'm Not Fat, I'm Festively Plump - SOUTH PARK

Mrs. Broflovski feels the school Christmas play shouldn't have a nativity scene. She is outraged that her Jewish son, Kyle, is set to play Joseph.
"Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo" S01

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SMALL STAGE - DAY
All the adorable children of South Park are on risers
singing merrily.
KIDS
(Singing)
We wish you a merry Christmas, We wish
you a merry Christmas, We wish you a
merry Christmas and a happy New Year!
The SONG ENDS and little Stan steps out in front of the
group.
STAN
Lights please?
The lights dim, and a small spotlight appears on Stan.
STAN
(echoing)
And there were in the same country
shepherds abiding in the field,
keeping watch over their flock by
night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord
came upon them, and they were so
afraid. And the angel said unto them,
fear not: for, behold, I bring you
good tidings of great joy. For born
unto you is this day in the city of
David is a Savior, ‘tis Christ the
Lord. Glory to God in the highest,
and on earth peace, good will toward
men.
(Louder)
And now, SOUTH PARK ELEMENTARY
PRESENTS- THE BIRTH OF JESUS!
Stan gestures with his hand to another area of the stage,
where -
A curtain opens and we see that Wendy is dressed like
Mary. She is lying on her back, with her legs up in the
air, moaning horrifically.
Cartman, Kenny and some other children surround her in
this adorable little nativity.
WENDY
Oooh!! Oooh!!

Dressed as Joseph, Kyle stands between Wendy’s legs,
waiting for the fetus.
KYLE
Come on, Mary, PUSH!! I can see its
head!!!
WENDY
UGGHHH!!!
WENDY
AAGHAGAH!!!
Wendy pushes some more and a small, plastic blood covered
fetus pops out. Kyle holds it up by the head.
KYLE
It’s a boy!!
CARTMAN
Oooh!
The kids all go ‘Oooh!’ Kenny is dressed like an angel.
KENNY
Mph mph mph rm!!
MR. GARRISON
WAIT A MINUTE!!!! WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!!!!
Suddenly, the lights come up and we see that we are
actually in the school gymnasium.
Mr. Garrison is in front of the stage, directing. He has
a director’s megaphone and is sitting in a director’s
chair.
MR. GARRISON
Kyle, what the hell was that? You need
to hold the baby by the legs, not by
the head... What kind of sick weirdo
are you?
KYLE
Sorry.
MR. GARRISON
And Wendy, I’m STILL not believing the
labor pains.

WENDY
Okay.
Just then, Kyle’s irate mother walks up to Garrison.
KYLE’S MOTHER
Mr. Garrison, what the hell do you
think you’re doing?!
MR. GARRISON
Well, I’m TRYING to direct the school
Christmas play, but YOUR son was
holding baby Jesus fetus by the head.
KYLE’S MOTHER
How DARE you include the nativity in a
school play!! Don’t you realize my son
is JEWISH?!?!
Kyle looks embarrassed. Mr. Garrison looks confused.
MR. GARRISON
So?
KYLE’S MOTHER
So what makes you think he should play
JOSEPH of Arimathaea?!
MR. GARRISON
Because it’s Christmas.
KYLE’S MOTHER
Our family doesn’t celebrate
Christmas!
Cartman and the boys all look at each other, shocked.
Kyle just lowers his head.
MR. GARRISON
Oh, God, you’re not gonna lay that
Hanukkah crap on me are you?
KYLE’S MOTHER
WHAT, WHAT, WHAAATT?!?! You’re not
going to get away with this, Mr.
Garrison!
The children stand off to the side listening to the
argument.

CARTMAN
Oh good, Kyle’s mom is here to ruin
Christmas!
KYLE
Shut up, fat boy!
CARTMAN
I’m not fat! I’m festively plump!
STAN
Why are you Jewish on Christmas, Kyle?
Meanwhile, Garrison and Kyle’s mom have finished their
bickering.
MR. GARRISON
Oh, Okay! Kyle, is there anything you
can do for the Christmas play that
isn’t related to Jesus?
Kyle thinks.
KYLE’S MOTHER
How about the dreidel song, boobie?
KYLE
I can sing the Mr. Hankey song!
MR. GARRISON
The Mr. Hankey song? How does that
go?
MUSIC
KYLE
Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo!
He loves me, and I love you!
STAN
Christmas poo?!
CARTMAN
What the hell is Christmas poo?
KYLE
Mr. Hankey the Christmas poo, haven’t
you guys ever heard of it?

KYLE’S MOTHER
Kyle that is enough!
MR. GARRISON
See, that’s what you get when you
raise your child to be a pagan.
KYLE’S MOTHER
NOW THAT DOES IT! I AM GOING STRAIGHT
TO THE MAYOR ABOUT YOU MR. GARRISON!!!
Kyle’s mother storms out. Garrison chases after her.
MR. GARRISON
OH WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! I’m sorry. Was it
the pagan remark?!
WENDY
You guys! Look!
Wendy is standing next to the window, where big
snowflakes are falling.
WENDY
It’s snowing!
The kids all rush to the door.

[southpark]

Watch full episodes of South Park: cart.mn/episodes

[davidboniface]

"Why are you Jewish on Christmas Kyle?" One of the most innocent and funniest lines in the show's history

[DokkaChapman]

"I'm not fat, I'm festively plump".
Same Cartman, same.

[superharrisonxd-o-rama]

The first episode where Kenny didn’t die.

[vizuboygaming]

When Kyle’s mom asks what makes you think he can play Joseph...Joseph was a Jew lol

[crazyzach]

"Wendy I'm still not believing the labor pain"🤣

[ComicalRealm]

"You need to hold the baby by the legs, not the head. What kinda sick weirdo are you" - Mr. Garrison

[emdormitalang]

They sound alot like cartman when they sing lol

[ComicalRealm]

Kyle's mom would make a fitting president of the secret Karen society

[hypnoticskull]

"Why are you Jewish on Christmas, Kyle?”

Hard hitting question

[troperhghar]

"Kyle is Jewish so he can't be Joseph"
... Um Jesus and his family were Jewish

[Iamsigma]

“Well I’m trying to direct the school Christmas play but your son was holding baby Jesus fetus by the head” 😂😂😂

[atoaster]

Literally 75% of the comments are about Sheila being a Karen.

[Reeeses.pieces]

"IM NOT FAT, I'm festively plump."

[LeFromParis]

“Oh I’m sorry was it the pagan remark”
I’m deaddd 😂

[ThomasFan-vduz]

1:31 Shelia’s “WHAT WHAT WHAT!?” really sounds like a chicken in my opinion.

[anniebunny]

There’s something about Kenny as the angel that warms my heart ❤️

[MikeWildePredator]

Kyle’s Mom: WHAT, WHAT, WHAAAT?!
Always Gets Her Mother Hen Feathers In A Flap.

[Velvet_R.]

Kenny wearing a white parka for Christmas is both cute and fitting

[tworthington]

"See, that’s what you get when you raise your child to be a pagan." Lol.