Miscellaneous Myths: Ares' Abduction

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Well, they may have wounded Ares' body and spirit, but at least he still has his pride. Oh wait
Alternate title: Ares And The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

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[not_solstaartz_ne]

“So if Aphrodite asks, can we say I rescued you?”

*Thats-That’s actually really adorable*

[arandomcomment]

Zeus: I love all my children! Athena, Artemis, Hercules...
*(glances at smudged palm)*
Arse!

[nyxshadowhawk]

"You can't have a war without the ugly parts."

YOU CAN'T HAVE A W A R WITHOUT *W A R*

[v.v]

I just realized what a fun trio Ares, Hermes, and Artemis make, it’s the overreacting bulky warrior, the sly and witty trickster, and the no-nonsense tough and versatile huntress, and I kinda want to see more interactions between characters like that

[artemiswolf]

Ares: I’m the worst treated member of this family
Hephaestus: * quietly sips Ambrosia in the corner because everyone forgot his birthday *

[ButterflyScarlet]

Artemis trying to flirt like "uh, hello boys, do you wanna uhhhh **frantically checks smudged palm** slap cheeks? _That can't be right_ "

[Legion]

My personal theory is Ares gets the guff constantly because Athenians were the ones writing all this stuff down. They had huge incentive to paint their Patron Goddess Athena as Zeus's golden child. Meanwhile, the Spartans didn't write stuff down so who knows what their take on Ares actually was like!

[tatefranklin]

You've gotta give Ares credit for having the lung capacity to scream bloody murder for a year without stopping.

[snight]

Huh poor Ares, he’s like the middle child

[Just_Some_Guy_with_a_Mustache]

*Hermes:* "Alright, so does everyone understand the plan."
*Artemis:* "Yes. No problems except one problem. How does one flirt?"
*Hermes:* ARE YOU-?! _sigh_ Just do what Aphrodite does."
*Artemis:* Gotcha." _makes two people spear each other to death; looks at Hermes, smiles, and gives a thumbs up_

[herodotus]

Here is a fun fact about Ares : not a single myth mentions him raping woman unlike his father and other gods. That is an unfortunate part of wars but Ares himself never did it. Ares being respectful to woman makes sense if you remember how he was a big deal in Sparta, and Spartans treated their woman better from other Greeks.

[Deadpoolzilla]

Ares: My father will rescue me!
*meanwhile*
Zeus: I feel like I'm forgetting something....ah, I'm sure it's not important

[alexielshadowangel]

There's also the myth of Ares killing his cousin, a son of Poseidon, because he raped his daughter! This led to the first court trial, supposedly taking place on the Areopagus (named after Ares of course). Ares would be acquitted in the trial. Also...he actually seemed to care about his kids; iirc he had to be PRIED OFF the dead body of one his sons, killed by Heracles, as he was crying over him. And again if i remember correctly, he's like one of the VERY FEW gods who NEVER took an unwilling lover....unlike his dad or uncle... ....Also that Ares pin is fucking adorable and hilarious...

[robbt.]

I feel like the Olypians are a D&D party, and Ares is the Barbarian who just wants to RAGE every time something happens.

[artemiswolf]

*Athena and Artemis* : Those gods wish they were us
*Apolo and Hermes* : Okay okay but at least we’re not that god
*Ares* : Well at least I’m not “you know who”
*Hephaestus* : ....Words can hurt you guys

[midnight_rose]

Zeus: I love all my children equally.
Apollo: Sure. By the way, we were attacked while you were gone.
Zeus: IS ATHENA OKAY?

[WarMonger_the-One-and-Only]

Ares in this myth: "NO PATHETIC BOX WILL HOLD ME LIKE THI- oh hey Hermes."

[ChasoGod]

One fact I find interesting about Ares is that despite being an infamous war god he's actually a very pretty guy. I'm not kidding, he has a young, handsome, beardless, face that wouldn't be considered appropriate for a masculine warrior. This is why he normally always wears his helmet, to hide his face.

[vicenzostella]

I also like Rick Riordan's take on the myth:

Hermes: Hey guys, Ares was captured
Athena: (dryest tone possible) Oh what do we do now?
Zeus: I guess we him?
Dionysus: could do that. Who wants to go?
Everyone: Well, you see I got this thing to

[nicholasjackl]

Ares: *gets kidnapped*

Literally every other Olympian: "Oh no!

Anyway-"