'Things Were Going Well... Then He Ended it Suddenly'

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[joyejohnsonauthor]

The last time I tried with someone, I had some epiphanies about relationships. The main one was no matter how great someone might be for us, go the distance, commit and show up, they can go to work one morning and never come home. An accident, a heart attack, an act of violence--we can lose our person at literally any moment. And if someone chooses to back out, we need to love ourselves enough to know our life will go on. It's important to grieve, and definitely vital to be honest with your investments. Don't pretend intimacy is casual for you if it isn't!
I've decided to spend some time not trying to meet anyone, to just see who I am and what I like without hoping for a partner. I happen to be a creative person, and it's true that finding your purpose is just as important as finding your partner (maybe even more?). But it's sobering to realize that you can get exactly what you want and still lose it. So you always need to look within for validation. And if you recognize and cultivate your own value, it's much easier to invest in another person without it 'needing' to work.

[oneliamar]

2 rules. 1) Actions over time: the only thing that matters at the beginning of a romantic relationship. 2) Don't sleep with a guy before commitment. Hard rules to apply but it saves you from so many disappointments.

[tasrajwani]

"So much of dating is energy management"- I love that

[CarpeDiem]

That’s so true- how invested are so many “friends”. A real friend is there through thick and thin, the good, bad and ugly! A friend is someone who cares / really cares about you and others - someone who is capable of being empathetic and someone who has your best interests at heart and doesn’t want you to suffer and enjoys your company - is the basis of a healthy friendship!

[diananatsch]

The important thing is continuity of the person, not intensity. Stop thinking that the one who triggers the most intense feelings of all is the right one. I felt that ❤

[litty]

My boyfriend took me on vacation and talked marriage and family and then two days later broke up with me by text … makes me feel better to know I’m not the only one going through this😢….

[victoriagalceran]

I am probably not the age you are targetting to but this episode resonated so much to me, i dared to react.
Because unfortunately, this happens at any age and hurts as much as when i was young.
I, m 63 been in a great relantionship for 18 months, we were both very happy to have found each other and made plans for the future, including buying a house abroad to retire together.
There were no signs at all something was off.
Yet, one day, out of the blue and with no reasonable explanation, he said he could not go on. He is 65 . And just like that, and astonishing to everyone that knew us ( family, children, grandchildren and friends) it all ended.
I still have a good life without him and i have moved on . But sometimes I stil wonder what happened, what on earth happened. Regards V.

[npkrn]

If they are ghosting intentionally, they're a**hole. If they are ghosting because they are scared or realized they were lying and moving too fast, they're an idiot with very low emotional maturity. Either way, who wants someone like that?? Therefore, for my own sake, I've adopted a zero 2nd chance policy on this. As Matthew has said before...don't focus on how much YOU like THEM, focus on how THEY treat YOU. And this is the perfect time to live by this. If they are treating you like they don't care - then they truly don't care. Its really just that simple.

[nander]

This happened to me and after a year and a half I’m still not totally over it. It can be traumatic to feel like you could have met the one and then they just discard you and you never hear from them again.

[sshuteandrew]

Five words: time is the best test. You could write this on my tombstone! I learned the hard way.

[cookWithYuyu]

"You have to believe love is possible, otherwise love can't find you" Thanks for saying this Audrey!!!❤ Made me 💯 sure that I shouldn't go on a date yet. Cuz I don't believe it atm.

[flutist]

This happened to me a few months ago. In my situation, I found out that the man I was dating was a dismissive avoidant. I wasn't aware what attachment styles were all about, but I (of course) know now. It was a very painful experience that caused me to spiral into depression. I'm taking as much time to heal as possible before I put myself out there in the dating world again, but I feel that this time, this incident hurt me so much that I may not fully recover. I'm just so tired of dating apps and the whole dating scene in general. 😢

[teishar]

I was seeing a guy that I was feeling may be long term. We were creeping up on the 3 month mark and hadn’t defined what we were yet. On the Friday before our Sunday date he was telling me how much he was looking forward to seeing me. That Sunday 2 hours before we were supposed to meet for our date I get a text saying his “heart just isn’t in it anymore.” Of course my friends were all saying that he must’ve been seeing someone else and chose them, or the thought of that 3 month mark terrified him. I was disappointed, but cut off communication after that text. Even though I gave a cold response of “have a nice life, ” I was crying on the phone to my best friend after it happened. I was hurt. It’s been a couple months since, and I still don’t feel like trying to date. I too feel so burned out with dating for a very similar reason.

[Myglowtips]

I so love, , how Aubrey brought it back to Charlotte. So much wisdom in Matthew’s words, however, one can get a bit lost in it all and Aubrey bringing it back to Charlotte, frames things.

[KA-uxqb]

Dismissive Avoidant Attachment?.... feelings freak them out. Maybe....The man wasn't able to manage his emotions so he had to pull away to feel safe? Emotionally unavailable. 😢

[oponomo]

as a guy, that's the most common experience i had of ladies overselling how they felt about me to suddenly pull away from a serious relationship and i felt used for some quick attraction, conquest and sex.

[victoriaporsiempre]

A therapist once told me: low selfsteem and trauma can blur or mess up with our intuition so is important to be careful cause is like “going to the supermarket while starving” you will end up eating anything
change the narrative and make dating a funny thing without much expectations

[elenagrossi]

I find that one thing that is not mentioned very often is that not everyone has the same degree of curiosity towards others. In the early stages of a relationship, having fun brings people together, but the degree of curiosity that people have towards others can be a crucial factor in who is out of it first. Someone may want to know you for a week and then lose interest just because they are not people who get interested in things IN GENERAL. If we are the curious type it's impossible for us to see how someone may want to stop the process of knowing each other and end up feeling like 'we are not interesting enough', just because we cannot figure that other people may just not be capable of the same degree of curiosity we have. But that's on them

[Catelaaa]

At first i was not sure about Audrey but now that i have gotten to know her advice, i find she really lends a dose of reality that was a little needed. Have always loved Matthew’s content of course, just think she is a great addition to it

[MissBluebirddays]

Focus on your healing. If you keep attracting the wrong partners, you may have an attachment wound that needs addressing. My dating life has become alot healthier from doing alot of inner work with old trauma wounds and building more self love, trust and respect.