I vlogged our easter weekend at home and...it was emotional [VLOG]

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[kahlibryen]

When my son (2 next month) throws a massive tantrum like you described, its a really similar situation where dad has left for work or gym. The other week, he had a massive meltdown and i didnt know what to do. I remembered seeing a video of a dad just being present while his child worked through a tantrum. So i tried that. I told him 'mummy is here with you, i love you'. And just sat with him. Didnt touch him, didn't tell him to stop, just repeated that im there and love him. After maybe 10 minutes, he calmed down and came to me for a cuddle. I told him that his feelings are valid, its okay to miss Daddy while hes gone, that i miss him too when hes away. Ive done this a few times since that major meltdown and have to say its helped alot. Especially now that his baby brother is here (2 weeks old), hes feeling alittle left out and doesnt want to share his daddy. They are tiny humans with massive emotions and they dont know how to navigate through them alone, thats where we step in and help them realise that its okay, we're there and they are allowed to feel these feelings.

You've got this, Sarah. YOUR feelings are valid too. Its okay to feel the way you feel. Just remember that you are surrounded by people who love and adore you, have a massive following of people who love and adore you. You are an amazing mum, partner, boss babe, creator. Never forget your worth ❤

[unabegley]

I'm not a mum so I can give no advice. I do work as a paediatric Speech and Language Therapist b and I promise, based on all the families I work with, that as Fox's communication skills improve, the intensity of his responses will reduce because he'll be able to verbalise what he's feeling rather than using his behaviour to communicate. It will get better, and it's just such a tough tough age when they're discovering boundaries and really really not liking them! All you mums are absolute legends and don't give yourselves the credit you deserve for helping a whole new human navigate the world.

[ashleung]

Hey Sezzy, I'm a mum of a two year old boy, Max, (he's a month older than Fox), here is what we've done to help with tantrums: We are similar to you in talking to Max about what's going to happen to prep him, but a new thing we've started doing (and have seen success since starting daycare 2 weeks ago) is telling him what will happen during those times. Max was having huge problems with separation anxiety (which is what it sounds like Fox is dealing with) at daycare, so one of the educators started saying, "we're going to play, eat, sleep and then mummy and daddy come back" So now we do that leading up to drop off, "today we're going to daycare, you'll play, you'll eat lunch, you'll sleep, play a little more then mummy will come back." He's still crying at drop off but only for a few minutes after I leave. So maybe try adding what you'll do with Fox while Kurt is gone and have those activities ready to go for when he leaves. Keep goodbyes short, "bye Fox, daddy loves you so much, and remember I ALWAYS come back, bye!" Big hugs then leave, don't draw it out even if he starts screaming.
We also have used a clock for a while to help with the mini tantrums when not wanting to finish one thing when we need to have a bath or a nappy change. I ask Max when he says no if he like to do it now or in 5 minutes, giving him the power of the decision. I then show him our analogue clock and I say "see how the hand is at the number 3, when it's at the 4 we will go for our bath." I've used that for different situations and it seems to work well. You could try that too with Kurt leaving, so he can see it's getting closer to him coming back.
If you don't follow Big Little Feelings on insta, you need to! They have such a wealth of knowledge. You're doing really well, Fox is going thru a sleep regression and separation anxiety, it's a lot for him and it's a lot for you. I don't know how I would do it without my mummy friends, so that must be really hard. Lean into God, find your rest in Him.

[shelleyh]

I'm a preschool teacher and you should know that every single mum feels like this. I have had countless mum's come to me crying feeling like there child hates them. It's not true, as I see it children act out around the people they are most comfortable around, so for fox you are his safe person. He knows that you'll be there no matter what so he can let out all his big feelings. All you can do is be with him, try and make him as safe as possible eg give him a pillow to throw, little bean bags etc. After all of the tantrums he will go back to being your fox, and if you were the one that went away all the time the shoe would be on the other foot. Just know your not alone in any of this and fox is going to appreciate you hugely when he's older xx

[Natalieejo]

Aw Sarah, as a mother I felt this in my soul. We have all been there! Doubting if they love us. Never being the "favourite", always being "the bad guy". Deep down they do love us. They act up with us because they can be their truest self and know that we will be there for them no matter what. All this is normal and some days are bloody hard! Everything you did was right! You did what you thought was best and that's why it's right. One moment at a time. As they get older and can communicate better it gets easier to reason. I also suggest looking up the zones of regulation. I did this with my daughter at fox's age and now at 5 she is able to clearly communicate her emotions and explain why she feels the way she does.

[sarahelizabeth]

when Sez said she sometimes wishes she was the favorite it broke my heart - we love you Sezzy

[AshJackson]

Oh girl I COULD NOT relate more! You're 100% right when you say that parenting can be a pretty thankless job but you are doing amazing! Being so aware of Fox's emotions and spending the time communicating with him/ trying different strategies makes ALL the difference. It won't feel like it now because he's still so little and it can take time to find out what works, but when he's older I promise you, it'll pay off. My son is almost 8 (I do not know how, because it feels like I had him yesterday) and had huge meltdowns pretty much from the day he was born. There were times where he would seemingly melt down over nothing and I had so many days where I would break down in tears because I felt so helpless and like nothing I tried seemed to be working. Being a young mum, the majority of my friends weren't in the same position so there were so many days where I felt that loneliness and need for the company of another mum who 'understood' what I was going through. Fast forward a few years (and a LOT of time, attention, strategies and early intervention) and Archie is thriving. His teacher told me the other day that she's never met a child who is so good at managing his emotions with that level of self-control and what we've done with him has made a hugely positive impact (#humblebrag lol). Long story short though, keep doing what you're doing, don't lose faith in yourself and if you ever need a fellow local mama to chat to, or want any ideas for different strategies you can try, don't hesitate to hit me up <3

[charleycarsoncia]

When Sezzy breaks down and Kurt is loving and supporting her, I literally could not 😭🥺

[lisafarrey]

I saw a video from a pediatric psychiatrist who works in the ER and she said that a child will act the worst to the person they feel the most safe with. And that brought me comfort knowing that my son is acting out more with me because he feels safe to do so.

[cheriedonnellan]

I can 100% relate - my son is only a couple of months younger than Fox and he's also a smart, energetic kid with HUGE emotions. He throws impressive tantrums that can overwhelm us both.

When he's having an emotional day and starts a tantrum, I try to coax him to do either calming or fun activities by doing them myself so I'm role modelling.

Sometimes, I walk away from him to his room, put on his white noise that he sleeps with and start reading a book aloud. That will often get him to stop the tantrum and become curious about the book.

Another thing I find that helps is getting him in warm water. I run a bath and get in it and ask if he wants to join me. He almost always says yes and starts playing happily.

Walks are another good one. I tell him we need to help our golden retriever to get exercise. I get out her harness and ask if he wants to help me put it on (which he can't actually do, but he's curious and likes helping). I say I'm leaving the house and he usually runs after us and joins us on the walk. It's often enough to distract him and stop his tantrum.

From what I see, you're an awesome mum, Sarah. Don't doubt yourself on the hard days - we all have them but that doesn't make us bad mums.

[tinagirl]

Hi Sarah, I am not a mom but I have been a nanny for many different families and a preschool teacher at a point for over 10 years. After experiencing every age and all different emotional type of children from different backgrounds. One, let me say tantrums are healthy and a normal part of growth and development. Your sweet boy is learning to communicate and it can be frustrating when we cant use our words even as adults when we are frustrated! My advice from experience, is removing the child from environment. For example when I am with a child having a tantrum alot of times I will pick them up and take them outside if possible fresh air does wonders. The thing I always try to help parents understand that if as an adult when you are yelling and frustrated you wont listen to anyone. How can you expect a toddler to listen? It is best to talk to anyone when they are calm, then they can process and HEAR you. Sometimes its redirecting with children showing a activity that they like. Sometimes no matter what kind of tantrum its a hug because naturally a body calms. But in my experience talking to a screaming toddler hardly ever works. Redirect, Hug, new environment, or allow for self soothing and then communicate when calm. These are my go to methods and sometimes none work and sometimes one works and another works at different times. It is all part of the process in development, you and Kurt are doing amazing!!! Sometimes its hard but its important to pat yourself on the back and say im doing my best and thats enough!! Fox is so cute and sweet, smart beautiful boy! Im so proud of you guys!!

You go girl!!! 🙏🏼🙏🏼

[talisaagayev]

This was honestly the most relatable thing I have ever seen. I have three kids. I've been a sahm for six years. I don't own three businesses which I imagine is very time consuming. But... Motherhood can feel like a VERY thankless and honestly sometimes lonely job. It might feel as though no-one understands EXACTLY what you mean. Believe me, you're not alone and I don't think it's self pity at all. Not at all. Sometimes we just need to acknowledge that it is lonely and we do feel misunderstood from time to time. We don't have to unpack and stay in those emotions, but believe it or not riding that emotional wave is necessary. Let it out girl. Also, I have two girls and a two year old boy as well. I'll say that in my experience that bond is different. All kids go through "mommy only phases" and then "daddy only phases" and it's super hard when we work so hard just for them to run to daddy BUT think of it this way. Sometimes kids say things like "I don't like mommy." and our initial reaction is to feel hurt. Remember that kids don't always have the vocabulary we have. It might not mean "I don't like mommy" AT ALL. It might simply mean "I want daddy" and it just didn't come out that way. You know? You're doing SO GREAT! Keep doing what you are doing, things will start to shift. Two to three or four is where the emotional part of his brain is going to be going through growth spurts! (Which we see as tantrums.) So whenever he's going through it, just think of it as emotional growth and you are helping him through that growth by, like you said, just talking it out. ❤️

[mikaylakereluk]

I’m a nanny and one of the kids has separation anxiety and severe tantrums when his mom leaves for work, so what I do is I start to play and make whatever I’m doing look like a lot of fun (usually play dough or an obstacle house or for building) so he’ll want to participate and his curiosity will distract him from missing his mom! I only use this tactic when I’ve exhausted all other options consoling him and he’s still inconsolable. The distraction of thinking about what it is that I’m having so much fun doing is usually enough to break him from his tantrum trance. Hopefully that helps a bit! I do have a calm conversation with him after he’s having fun telling him it’s okay to be sad but what can we do next time to help you feel better that way he understands that we can deal with those feelings in a student way next time. The conversations afterwards have really helped him to figure out ways he can self soothe by thinking about ways to cope afterwards. I started this when he was 1.5 and it helped tremendously where his tantrums at the most extreme are significantly shorter than before 💗 sending positive vibes and prayers from Canada

[maddiejaneec]

Am I the only one that feels like Sarah is a SUPPORTIVE BIG SISTER, even though they have never met her? Thank you Sarah for continuing to inspire me everyday as I go through recovery. You have motivated me to start my own channel and am SO GRATEFUL for your videos. Take care!

[ggdebv]

When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like you’re planning a vacation to Italy. You’re all excited. You get a whole bunch of guidebooks, you learn a few phrases so you can get around, and then it comes time to pack your bags and head for the airport.

Only when you land, the stewardess says, “WELCOME TO HOLLAND.”

You look at one another in disbelief and shock, saying, “HOLLAND? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I SIGNED UP FOR ITALY.”

But they explain that there’s been a change of plan, that you’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay.

“BUT I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HOLLAND!” you say. ‘I DON’T WANT TO STAY!”

But stay, you do.

You go out and buy some new guidebooks, you learn some new phrases, and you meet people you never knew existed.

The important thing is that you are not in a bad place filled with despair. You’re simply in a different place than you had planned.

It’s slower paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy, but after you’ve been there a little while and you have a chance to catch your breath, you begin to discover that Holland has windmills. Holland has tulips. Holland has Rembrandts.

But everyone else you know is busy coming and going from Italy. They’re all bragging about what a great time they had there, and for the rest of your life, you’ll say, “YES, THAT’S WHAT I HAD PLANNED.”

The pain of that will never go away.

You have to accept that pain, because the loss of that dream, the loss of that plan, is a very, very significant loss.

But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to go to Italy, you will never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland.

Welcome to Holland - By Emily Perl Kingsley

[olgavasileva]

When I was too soft and didn't show my borders to my kids, they literally were getting worse and worse. But when I started to show that it's okay to show your emotions but there are limits and they can't hurt their mom, they started to understand and regulate their behavior

[wozzyandrew]

Stay calm! Honestly the biggest thing we’ve recently learnt with our 3yo when she was having literally 1-1.5hr long ‘possessed screaming meltdowns.’ We had her booked into a children’s psychologist it was that bad. They couldn’t get us in for at least 5mths... Once we learnt to stay calm, sit beside her the entire time and keep reassuring her it’s ok, I’m sorry you’re so sad, I’m here for you when you need a cuddle and it was game changer! She went from not letting us touch her to eventually asking for a cuddle and then she would calm down. They got shorter and shorter and within a couple wks no more meltdowns and hasn’t had one since. It is so so frustrating when they have these meltdowns when you can’t console them and it hurts your mumma heart but if we want them to learn how to be calm we need to stay calm ourselves and know it really is a phase that will pass. Hang in there! You are doing all the right things just stay strong and calm and he will get there. It gets so much easier once they can communicate better too. I was in your shoes only a couple months ago and it’s rough. Sending big hugs you will all get through this and be stronger and closer together afterwards too 🥰 xxx

[yudenyfernandez]

I can relate, only can say it will pass

[taylorhardy]

As a speech therapist who works with nonverbal children who sometimes have difficulty regulating their emotions, may I suggest try using the “smell the flowers, blow out the candles” technique to help them control their breathing. I use visuals of candles & flowers while modeling to the child what to do. You can also use visuals to show him different choices of things he can do to calm down (e.g. take a break, go for a walk, count to 10, need a hug). I’ve found high frequency music, the zones of regulation, and weighted blankets to also be helpful. You’re a great mom sezzy! This too shall pass xx

[heatherkerenza]

I said to a friend the other day, when you're a kid your Mum is the one who is around all the time so you kinda take her for granted, but as soon as you get older and are away from home, even for a night, who do you miss? Your Mum! Trust me, he will need you so much along the years x