I Resent Being a Stepmom (This Isn’t What I Signed Up For!)

I Resent Being a Stepmom (This Isn’t What I Signed Up For!)

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[LSSYLondon]

"Better to admit you walked through the wrong door than to spend your life in the wrong room. "

[Getz_T]

John is not listening to what this young lady is saying instead he is minimising her problem trying to sell to her how her life can be if she accept this situation. But to be honest a 24 year old with no kids experience expected 2 months after her marriage to raise a 10 year and another kid full time it's a lot.

[alicesmith]

When my husband's teenager's drama threatened to suck me in and spit me out and I was expected to just put up with it quietly, I felt the pressure to lock step and not advocate for myself for fear of being a "wicked stepmother." That's when my own mom intervened and reminded me, "You're someone's baby, too. You're my baby. And I didn't spend blood, sweat, and tears raising you just so you could be sacrificed for someone else's kid."

[salvatorecampbell]

She's 24, rushed into a relationship headfirst without thinking it through and now got basically called on it by life, she doesnt sound like a bad person, she just made a bad choice committing so early without knowing herself or thinking the situation through

[JessiDawnShelton]

Don't judge until you've lived it. Just because she thought she could handle it, doesn't mean it's not overwhelming now. She's reaching out for guidance not hateful people saying she's awful because reality was different than what you expected.

[alisonklein]

My question is how much has her husband dumped on her? She went from care free newlywed to here are 2 traumatized kids and oh you will be responsible for them 75% because their parents are trash. Husband should be doing 75% and she helps for 25%. They are his!

[bassist]

Why is nobody talking about the responsibility of her husband in this? He should have made sure he was marrying a woman who was willing to 100% accept his kids. He should have had those conversations with her to make sure they were on the same page. I guess my point is the root of this seems to be a major communication problem between the two of them.

[mirabella]

I can't help but feel incredibly sorry for these kids. Biological parents divorced, so their father is not available all the time. Stepdad overdosed. Mum got addicted and is not able to take care of them. And new stepmom resents them.
Life is unfair.

[FEVERDREAM]

Being with a vet with PTSD is already hard work. It's a lot of emotional management...yours and theirs. I can't imagine suddenly having 2 new kids on top of all that. Especially when your husband KNEW you didn't want kids. Everyone is saying she signed up for this. Well HE signed up for a wife that didn't want kids. If I were her, I would leave. This is going to ruin her life (that is subjective and she decides what ruining means for her...and she's there). Those kids deserve a good stepmom too. Kids know when you feel like she does about them. This situation sucks all around.

[natashah]

I hear this girl. 24 is so young to be a mama of school aged children, especially when you didn't expect it. You desperately need an experienced mama friend to walk through this with you. When we give birth, our entire lives change, but we get the benefit of cuddling and bonding with an adorable baby. You've been thrown into smelly feet and big attitudes and busy schedules without the years of sweet bonding. I wish you luck.

[WILDANDPEACEFUL]

Run Girl! Just admit you don’t feel like being a caretaker at the age of 24. The expert you’re talking to is not a caretaker and will never be his wife does most of the caretaking. He’s trying to talk her into it! Nobody deserves a stepmother who doesn’t truly want to be one. That is the worst situation of them all

[anjejg]

She misses her peace...her downtime. She resents the fact that their "mother" whom she probably doesn't care much for, decided to do what she wanted to do when she wants to do it "drugs & get hooked" then abandon her responsibilities as their mother and now that hubby's new responsible wife is there, it gets put on her plate. She resents it...that's the truth of it.

[girlonlaptop]

Now you are a Nanny working for free. Congratulations!

[Tristum]

Bio mom and step mom here. I agree with John — she’s done. And the kids are better off not having a resentful maternal figure. Just go.

[elaine]

There is a big difference between weekends and holidays to full time

[gessrinky]

She became insta-mom at 24. You’re not gonna win here, girl. Sounds like she didn’t think this entirely through or just didn’t account for the fact the situation could change in a heartbeat. If you don’t want these children, leave.

[LaMaiStyle]

I got the best advice from a stepmom who married my mom’s 3rd ex husband. She had helped raise my little brother and I was an adult so she was more a like a friend. She told me to run not walk from dating guys who are single dads.

[continuousself-improvement]

HE KNEW. The husband knew that he will eventually have to take full custody of his kids, because his ex's spouse already died from overdose. He knew that his ex was also using and it's gonna get worse with little likelihood of getting better. He knew and that was why he wanted someone young and childless and painted her a picture of how the kids will be with their mother. He knew that he will dump the childrearing responsibilities on her while he deals with his PTSD. HE KNEW.

This girl did not think through the consequences of her choice. She was an adult when she made that decision, and now she regrets it. Those are still her husband's kids, not hers! He should step up to be primary caregiver and if he isn't, she should walk away ASAP.

[susanfudge]

I never got into serious relationships with divorced dads.
People judged me for that but I didn't want to marry a guy with an ex -wife and children and child support and weekend and holiday visits. I wanted my children to have a traditional nuclear family where all their siblings had the same mom and dad, no steps, halves, etc.
So I'm 20 years married with 2 kids. Worked out way easier than that alternative, blended family would have.

[Netokrate]

I see two things here. First - she loved not the man but the lifestyle. Second - she faced a systemic issue of all emotional labor and work related to kids being put on females in a marriage. In her situation, she received all the problems of motherhood without its benefits. But if her husband hadn't left all the work on her, it might have worked out better.