I Had This Conversation Once...

I Had This Conversation Once...

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[RipRoarinRedneck]

THANK YOU for putting into words what SO SO SO many people fail to understand. There is NOTHING like finally leaving and someone telling u it was a "choice to stay", in front of the babies u refused to leave behind.

[jeanlives]

My child was 4, after careful planning, i found away to leave, i saved alittle money and my folks rented a small uhaul trailer for a few belongings, my sons bed, toys & our clothing to make a new start, my family drove me 2 states away. I stayed with my aunt for a few weeks until i could find a place to room, and quckly got a job near by. There after i inrolled in community college to finish my high school education when i was 20 yrs old.
Im so grateful for my family and my new friends who helped me. I had to go to social services and prove i wasnt steeling my own child. The baby daddy had records of assault on me, so those records were confirmed to help in my ability to hide.

[mtiyce]

So true. We're not dumb. We calculate & think about it for years. Its also more than financial entrapment. Your mind is so damaged & your thinking so compromised that its almost impossible to plan & execute the shift without a surity of safety & support from people who know the danger, horror & complexity of your situation & are prepared to stand beside you for a long time. Even when you get away its not over. The abuse goes on, especially when children are involved!!

[jnkelley]

I live in Vermont and work as a substance abuse counselor. It is freezing outside. Crappy, slum housing is out of control over a thousand a month. And the landlords are looking at credit scores. Working families are homeless. Disabled people on SSDI are homeless. The shelters and hotels are usually full. Fleeing from domestic violence is hard if one does not have friends or family to stay with.

[faraboverubies]

Of course we have done the calculations! Over and over! DUH!!

[daveshoemaker]

Unless you have money and good health it's hard! Once you've been beaten down it's really hard!

[elidelmar]

And, bail too.... once the abuser gets bail, they are more dangerous. Nobody talks about that.

[backwoodsbaby]

Ive known churches to own apartments (like a 4plex) and they will house women & children needing to escape. They keep them fully furnished.
Seems like a better use of money than an african mission trip.

[aleece]

Another part of this is that sometimes we need someone to give us “permission” to leave. For me, I’d been so mentally, emotionally, and spiritually abused and beaten down that I completely lost sight of my agency. I needed someone to say the words, “You don’t need to stay here” before it even occurred to me that leaving was an option.

[mlreed]

What a great idea for a minister to have a fund set aside for people who need to get into a new apartment. I used to belong to a church that told everyone they had to pay tithing of their gross paycheck and that if they would the church would help them if they were in financial bind. Well, we always paid our tithing, but when we needed the help of the church we were told (though they regularly took in many thousands of dollars) "We can help you with $250." We are no longer members of that church.

[BestPunkyEver]

Yep. There’s almost always a long look down that road. The people that tell that they haven’t peered forward, don’t tell you that they have because they assume that a look down the road is a “positive look”. All abused people have done calculations. They’re just usually quite bleak.

[Marcycat]

That's usually the problem in many abusive relationships. The person doesn't have anywhere to go or any finances to leave. The abuser uses that to trap the person for more abuse. I suggest a woman go to a shelter for women and children only. I see that churches don't do a damn thing to help anybody. They will take your offerings, though.

[strangers-j]

it's hard but not to mention it's dangerous too! that's the most dangerous time during an abusive relationship

[ForrestWeldon]

Im signed in on a friend's account. This IS SO VERY TRUE. IM CAPABLE. IM ABLE. HOWEVER SO IMMENSELY IN THE NEGATIVE HOLE THERES NO STABLE GROUND, SAFE GROUND, TO EVEN GET A FOOTHOLD. I've not experienced everything. I know that. I've experienced enough due to his poor decision making to know I can't do that again especially alone and that things can and will get worse without detailed planning and absolute certainty of financial support.

[Vampire]

I did the same thing…
We may live with my parents but we are safe.
10 years later and I still live with my parents but I haven’t been hospitalized, ER visits and happy kids. Your kids figure it out and they will understand.

[aracelymorenogodsdaughter]

This is so true I can’t leave my narcissistic husband because where I can go with three kids

[AryanBlitzkrieg-cv]

Yep. If you have nowhere to go, you ARE trapped.

[rexwaly]

It good to be with someone that wants you not needs you.

[Sarah-bxxr]

That makes so much sense. I was that women too

[jeanlaubenthal]

Money is easier to come by than dealing with the abuser…who you don’t trust and who knows what he will do to punish you for leaving to gain control.