What I realized about men -- after I transitioned genders | Paula Stone Williams | TEDxMileHigh

[lw]

She's 100% correct. I own two companies, and I have a gender neutral first name.
When I communicate with people via email, it's astounding the difference in the level of respect I get when people think I'm a woman, vs when they think I'm a man.

[Entelehija]

"As a male, I was allowed to express my anger. It was a sign of passion for the subject. Now, as a female, when I express my anger, the whole room goes dead silent, and I become "that crazy woman"." - SO TRUE!

[bluedancelilly]

"Until female traits are respected as much as male traits we're never going to get anywhere near gender equity". Right on!

[politemenace]

"If in all of your interactions with women, you would assume that a woman knows what she's talking about and treat her accordingly, it would go a very long way."
YES. When a woman talks to you, don't dismiss her, don't assume she's exaggerating, don't assume she's overly emotional. Talking to other women I've always felt as if we exist in a different space, living our own reality that nobody else is aware of, and that's because most of the time we try to talk about our experiences, we're met with doubt and unwillingness to understand. And every time we try to be heard, our voices are drowned out by louder voices that feel entitled to talk on our behalf. It's harmful and it makes you question your own sanity.
So when a woman talks to you, *listen to her*, and maybe even try to see things from her point of view. It will make all the difference in the world.

[jayare]

Speaker - makes great point about promoting equality for women
Pan to audience - guys with arms crossed, straight faced

[makrauchenia]

'Lost is a place too' - I love her :D

[mizzamystar]

"The world can change for the better, but somebody has to pay the price". There it is. The mantra for our times.

[saragarofano]

She's like the science professor that loves you because you're weird and not specifically because you do good at science

[graceyang]

"But here's the thing- you started closer to the finish line than anyone else." *claps*

[sorrelk]

I’m a trans guy. The 10% of the time that I manage to be read as male to someone, I notice how wildly different they treat me. In a sense, it makes me glad I’m trans, I hope those experiences being afab help me be a better man to everyone.

[ennamorgan]

I absolutely love her succinct message, non-confrontational delivery, and that she cares enough to BE the change she want, and to not just speak about that change!...A true leader.

[aliciawei]

I work at a startup that has terrific gender equity with more than half of leadership positions filled by women. It is a completely different experience working here compared to back when I was the only female engineer on the team. Because the system I was in changed so drastically, I am able to clearly see what an empowering spot I currently occupy vs how the system held me down in my previous company. Before, I thought the problem was me. “Why couldn’t I say something? Is it because I get too nervous and my brain doesn’t function properly? Oh I could’ve said something there that’s helpful but it’s too late now and it’s too awkward to revisit the topic. This must be a me problem and all I have to do is try harder.” Oh boy was I wrong. Gender inequality exists. Systemic power imbalances disempower women.

[melizbeth]

Sad so many of the men in the audience seem to be checking out. Some are arms folded and another is shown looking down at his phone. As humans we don't see the 'other side until we are living it'. Thank you so much for your perspective, Paula Stone! You Rock for your courage and perseverance....

[achieving.excellence]

I know you run the race with integrity but you started closer to the finish line than anyone else - well said Paula!

[spinnerfidget]

I like how all the men in the comments assume that by someone talking about women's issues and problems, that's the equivalent of saying men's lives are easy and not caring about them. Like you can't talk about your experiences otherwise it's misandry and sexist and exclusionary. Women talking about women isn't erasing men. It's not saying they have it easy and it's not saying they don't have problems. It's just not being discussed at the moment. Not everything has to be about you.

[mikalahenderson]

"You know one single thing would make a huge difference guys–if in all your interactions with women you would assume that a woman knows what she's talking about and treat her accordingly, it would go a very long way."

[leah]

"Lost is a place too" is beautiful and would make a great book title

[kcse]

A few years ago, at the start of a meeting on the budget for the upcoming year, the only male bodied person in the room, but not the only dean in the room, advised me that we would not be discussing salaries because he didn’t want the discussion to get “emotional”. Having been a lawyer previously I was trained to address conflict head on. So I told him in front of all my female bodied colleagues (being one as well) that discussing salaries is an essential part of budget planning and I had not planned on beginning emotional in discussing the budget but if he had planned on detailing the discussion by choosing to make such a statement as his opening gambit then he should know he would not succeed.

I also emailed him immediate following the meeting regarding his statement. That it was absolutely insensitive and could be viewed, reasonably and legally so, as discriminatory against the people in that room based solely in their gender.

I wrote the email with a “this is a teachable moment” approach.

He responded later that night with an apology and asked to meet in person so he could apologize face to face.

We did. He did. I think he meant it.

But he did not budge on the budget. But he never said anything like that again. And so I count that as a success.

We might not win on the merits but if we can make someone with more privilege aware of the Discourse of Privilege AND they become more mindful of that discourse, then that’s a step in the right direction.

We’re not always going to agree. But we need to hear and listen to one another, respect one another, and work toward equality everyday.

Especially now.
I listened to this Ted talk when it first came out. It’s even more pertinent in light of the fallout caused by the Dobbs decision’s elimination of the privacy right of a female bodied person to make the most intimate of decisions to continue or terminate a pregnancy.

[Theroha]

I'm going to make an effort when I return to work after COVID to listen more to the women I work with. I'm in event technology which is very male dominated. As a smaller man, I'm glad I have the guys on my team that I do because they can throw around more weight than I. I've learned the most about my industry by watching the women. They are the best lighting techs I've seen. One woman is known around town for her expertise with stage decor. If the industry wasn't as full of guys as it is, I'd probably have met a femme expert for every subject matter in my field by now.

[andreaandrea]

This TEDx Talk has sparked more conversations, I have sent it to more people, it has triggered more deep thought than I can say any other TEDx Talk or other video (on numerous subject matters) has ... I am profoundly grateful to Paula Stone Williams for this illuminating and thought provoking talk. Thank you! And a HUGE Thank You to ALL THE PEOPLE BEHIND THE SCENES who make these talks possible and available to all of us out here.