The law of mirrors in narcissistic relationships

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[adriennedouke]

I didn't recognize any of it until I got educated on the subject. I went through 28 years of hell thinking if only I could do the right thing, if only I could do better, if only I wasn't a failure as a wife and mother. It wasn't until I started watching videos about narcissism that it all made sense and I could heal. I recognize these things now only because I was fortunate to learn what these characteristics were, and now I can protect myself.

[pallavishankar]

1. Me before I knew about narcissism.... Something doesn't seem right with this situation

2. Me being manipulated for years... maybe something is not right with me.

3. Me now being educated about I just walked into a place that I wasn't prepared for, forgive myself for the years I spent in it. Never go back and never ignore your first instincts.

[heyla]

I agree with you Dr. Ramani. Law of mirrors is definitely dangerous, gaslighting.

[stevenfales]

“You spot it you got it!” was taught to me in 12-Step rooms. Not everything I recognize is a projection of my own pathology. I can call a spade a spade without being a spade. I won’t be manipulated or gaslit or shamed by the “Law of Mirrors.” Thanks for this video.

[Bornintoclusterb]

Law of mirrors = if you spot it, you’ve got it. Dangerous beliefs like this cause tremendous harm. F no! Thank you Dr Ramani, no one talks about these things!! You’re a life saver. Learning this brings me peace. ❤️

[donnellallan]

At Alanon I learned “you should only look at your own flaws.” At church I learned “what you dislike in others is a rejected aspect of yourself.” From the narcissists in my life I learned “you are the one here who is defective.” Without ever hearing of The Law of Mirrors, I was damaged by it for years.
Thank you, Dr Ramani, for your passion in saying NO to these harmful teachings. You help me to have the strength to keep fighting the old thought patterns that almost took me down. Much love and gratitude to you. 💜

[sunandstorm]

“If you feel guilty then there must be a reason and it isn’t me making you feel that way.” My ex husband was notorious for that

[k.m.]

The "you manifested your own misfortune" idea in New Age thinking is so extremely detrimental, not only to people who've suffered narcissistic abuse, but also people who've suffered a plethora of other difficult circumstances like disease, war, other forms of physical and emotional abuse... the list is endless. Thank you for helping to push back against victim blaming!

[prachiheda]

In a weird way the "law of mirrors" does apply to narcissists.. whenever they accuse you of doing something nefarious, it's almost always THEY who are actually doing it... (projection).

[yukio_saito]

07:52 When a narcissistic person is doing their narcissistic thing, they're going to encounter one of three kinds of people:

1. Other narcissists
2. Enablers
3. People that they narcissistically abuse

[ginasideris]

I think it’s a twist on projection. My ex would denigrate my friends - making comments on their being manipulative, conceited, mendacious, etc. All the while I couldn’t see that he was projecting his traits onto them.
If you have any doubt about your being kind, empathetic, ethical, etc. that’s an indicator of your self-awareness and your desire to embody those positive traits. A narcissist would address those qualities only superficially to bolster their self image.

[harleylucian]

An old saying I grew up with was "it takes one to know one"... Thanks Dr R! Acknowledging bad behavior doesn't mean you also do it :)

[timothygenaw]

When I first learned of narcissism to understand my ex-wife, I kept saying, "Maybe I'm the narcissist." Being gas lighted for years makes you gas light yourself for many more.

[yamlwoz]

Yes, YES! A thousand times yes. I don't know how much time I've wasted in my life, trying to find the vindictive, malicious traits deep in my mind that I'd been convinced *had* to be there. They're not. And it explains why these people always caught me so off-guard. I couldn't dream up their thoughts, actions or words if my life depended on it. Thank you so much for dispelling that utter nonsense. May your message spread far and wide and become accepted truth.

[mobilemindsofnewjersey]

That makes me think of toxic positivity. Like we are responsible for how we are treated as if we caused the person to treat us badly.

[Askalott]

Completely agree. I sort of hesitate to say that I'm spiritual because I'm afraid people are going to think I'm talking about New Age spirituality. It really flips the meaning on its head. Real spirituality involves developing enough trust in yourself to identify when someone is toxic. It is about honoring your emotions, not questioning them.

[Kraftforchrist]

So true!
One of my narc friends was always saying “look in the mirror” “god shows me the mirror of myself and you should too”. She was always saying how she looks at herself in the mirror all the time and works on her flaws…. It was all a lie! All words—-her actions were completely different🤪
Whenever I tried to talk to her about something she did that hurt me she would rage and turn it all back on me…
I’m grateful my eyes were finally opened to her manipulative ways and cut contact. Thank you god!

[artsnkookies]

When I told my therapist that my dad used to control and manipulate me when I was a kid and I am observing a similar pattern in my current relationship, she suggested me to take a look at my own unconscious self. She followed Jungian concepts and suggested maybe I have that shadow and I am the one who is projecting it. I believed it is probably me and I felt scared every time I interacted with another person, believing I might manipulate them unconsciously. This video was much needed for me. Thank you Dr. Ramani for calling out Crap as Crap <3

[tiddlesa.]

I agree with YOU Doc. I recognise narcissistic traits because I was in a 10 year marriage and only when I escaped I saw through the clarity of hindsight. To really appreciate calm is to have experienced turmoil.

[sherryripepi]

Knowledge is power, understanding is wisdom. I am getting my morning coffee ready to spend time watching this Doctor Ramani educational video. I am so grateful that I am being taught by a great mentor, I can not believe my good fortune, just to be able to learn lessons from these heartfelt and compassionate videos that are saving lives in every country in the world. Doctor Ramani you are going global on the information highway. Learning dysregulated, toxic, dysfunctional people come from all levels of economic resources and social classes. Learning that there are red flags to spot and certain patterns to look for and recognize. Thank you for these educational videos. Thank you for Being. You are Enough. We all are on a soul alchemy journey.