Is It Wrong To Leave a Spouse With Mental Health Issues?

2020 Nugget Video Series

[GrayPhotograph]

So good! This was a lightbulb, “Even though your husband has been abused doesn’t give him permission to be an abuser.” Wow. So good

[rhondajo]

Sometimes we are so trapped in a metal fog caused by daily navigating an emotionally and mentally volatile environment that we need a fresh perspective and an outside voice to help us see the truth and the reality.

[timbim]

Also here is he him. My wife has severe mental issues. So much so I don't feel safe. But when you're the man in this situation no one gives a crap

[MrDriedanddone]

This is so true. This is a really great video. It's really hard to live with mental illness. My wife has NO compassion for my mental illness issues. I was diagnosed with ADHD just a few years ago and I'm still learning how to manage it properly. And I freely admit that I really struggle living with ADHD and it would be hard for my wife. But I've done so much in the way of trying to get help for myself by going to therapy, regularly seeing the doctor, regularly seeing my psychiatrist. But my wife had shown NO SUPPORT WHATSOEVER in this. NONE. ZILCH. All she does is complain about how I ruin everything. I feel so terrible and so remorseful when I do something wrong. But I keep trying to do better and I have been doing better. A lot better. But no matter what I do she will not let go of the past and nothing is ever good enough. She never encouraged me or supported me in my battle with mental illness. All she did was complain.
She constantly says "I'm not responsible for your happiness" but she doesn't even understand what this saying actually means. She thinks that this means she has a free pass to treat me like shit and say horrible things to me and if I become unhappy that she does these things to me then she thinks she's not responsible for that.

But for the past year my wife has been suffering from post natal depression but she doesn't do ANYTHING to help herself. She puts it ALL on me. I have to BEG her just to see a psychologist. I make appointments for her but she will threaten to not go to see the psychologist whenever we get into an argument just to try upset me. She was on medication for a while and she was doing so much better but she stopped taking it. I honestly think she stopped taking it just to annoy me. She says she doesn't need medication like I do because she has the "will" to overcome it. But she doesn't. Depression doesn't work like that but she doesn't listen to anything I have to say.
She's so fixated on the past and so hyper aware of when someone has done something to upset her that she's completely oblivious to the things she's doing to hurt everyone else.
I don't know what to do. I really feel compassion for her because I know what it's like to live with mental illness but she just refuses to help herself and refuses to do anything to help our relationship. She just expects everyone else to accommodate her and work around her but she doesn't want to accommodate or encourage anyone else or do any work herself. Our relationship has really been on the rocks for over a year now and I've BEGGED her to come see a marriage counselor to work on our relationship but she won't do it. I asked if she would like to go on a marriage retreat but she won't do it. She won't go on medication, she won't see a psychologist, she won't come see a marriage counselor, she won't try to solve our issues she just complains about our issues.
I'm at my wits end. Anything positive I suggest to her to help she shoots it down. All she wants to do is complain. This situation has now deteriorated my mental health to the point where I'm suffering from suicidal ideation and I feel there's just no hope for the future.

How much longer should I put up with this?

[charlenehibbs]

Thank you Leslie for all that you are teaching me. I'm growing stronger every day. I'm on my way to respecting myself while being compassionate and empathic toward my husband who is so wounded. My boundaries are being set! You are so helpful to so many. I am grateful!

[Rivkah]

thank you for validating what I have been suffering through, recent I left my husband who has bi-polar disorder, increasingly became more and more aggressive and unstable to the point of my needing to get a restraining order.He still blames me for everything, even though I was the backbone of the family, doing everything and being a faithful wife ! I am still praying for him to get help, but he refuses to get treatment and now his life is spiralling out of control, facing 10 years in jail due to his manic episodes.Please pray for his healing !

[sunshinealways]

Thank you so much for this video! Perfect timing. God is using you Leslie. I am a Christian wife who struggles with this. I have been with my mentally ill, bipolar, fly off the handle spouse since 1983. I am so tired. He needs to get into counseling with me if we are to have a healthy marriage. All of the years of solo counseling can only do so much. I am praying for him. I do believe he deals with demons. He has said so himself.

[africanqueenmo]

Absolutely agree. Especially for your own mental health

[BadBob]

I have struggled to leave my wife for many years after her abuse, even though it stems from an undiagnosed mental illness. But I finally realized I can't fix her.

[femininityfaith]

This video is amazing thankyou!! I need a professional on our team. Thankyou!! I can sit here for a year going over what to do but you wrapped it up into a 3 minute video. Thankyou!!

[amyblencowe]

Thank you so much for this validation.

[c.m.matthew]

Finally.... Some who called a spade.. A spade.
Because of her issues I'm the punching bag.
I've had enough.
She hits me.. I hear man up.
If I man up ill break bones.
Going to Divorce

[WhatsTherapy]

Great vid, thanks for sharing your experience. I'm new to youtube and making vids about mental health and similar stuff, and it's awesome to see what other people are sharing. Thanks again.

[KeriEllington-ye]

Me and the kids are living with my dad and have been for 5 months. I left due to emotional abuse, lying and a possible affair. My husband says he will do anything, even goes to therapy but the behavior continues off and on. He’s pressured and demanded that I move back home. Forcing me into conversations I don’t want to have. Threatened divorce if I don’t, so I accepted that. He got furious. He pretends to be nice but then is abusive again. I hold my boundaries and distance myself. Then I get sucked back into conversations with promises and crying and telling me I am abandoning him. He manipulates me, plays the victim and acts like I’ve wronged him by establishing boundaries that he doesn’t respect, only pretends to sometimes to get what he wants. He is threatening and scares me. He keeps sucking me back into these circular exhausting conversations. I tell him I have to go and he keeps calling over and over. He’s telling family and friends that he is doing everything he can and everything I’ve asked of him, but he hasn’t. He doesn’t have a repentant or humble heart. Now at the last hour when he finally thinks I’m done, he starts saying all the right things but if I don’t immediately want to spend time with him or have sex with him he gets angry. I don’t feel safe with him. I need to break off all contact but he isn’t going to let me do that. He showed up here and tried to rip open the back door to get inside. Since we’ve been separated the abuse has gotten worse. He professes love but it doesn’t feel like love, it feels like control. How long do I have to live this way waiting for him to “see the light?” I’ve bought him books, I’ve shared scripture, I’ve prayed, and he acts like he is open to these things, but I don’t think he really is but he is learning some better wording to manipulate me with. He is pulling out the big guns now falling on the sword so to speak but it doesn’t feel right. My inner alarms are blaring. When does it cross that threshold that I can get out and end my suffering? How many times do I have to hear that he’s going to do whatever it takes to be a better man? It feels like he is just making it look that way to suck me back in. He keeps doing this and expects me to hang my hope on that.

[Shandadenise]

Thanks for this video. I needed to hear this.

[robbell]

I had a mental breakdown and acted very unreasonable. But ive completely changed its been 7 months and she still wants nothing to do with me, do i deserve this or is she being unreasonable, advice would be appreciated, thanks

[melissasmith]

Is it ok for your husband to threaten you with divorce the day after your grandmother dies because he doesn't believe she's dead and he thinks he's an expert on death because he's an army veteran. He just sits and calls me names and criticized my speaking to my brother about funeral plans before I had to go to work. I feel like he's being very selfish and I feel alone. At this point I almost feel like I'd be better off if he'd just leave so I don't have to hear his constant threats and crazy accusations. He refuses to leave though saying I need to leave and be locked away because he thinks I'm crazy being upset with him. I work full time but can't afford all the bills alone.

[msprettykawaii]

My Husband has narcissistic personlaity disorder, I was so confuse how to help him but I have reached the brink of our marriage

[clee]

Thanks Leslie. I struggle with my wife schizophrenia. I tried counselling and seeing what we could do to get help. My wife refuse and I get emotionally abused. She now kicked me out of the marital home and I can't fix her.

Am I responsible for my wife wanting to divorce me because u can't control my wife emotion and decision?

[philipbuckley]

mental issues do not constitute a Biblical reason, for divorce, and remarriage...