7 Crucial Steps to LET GO and MOVE ON From Someone

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What can you do when you’re in a situationship and know you should end things . . . but you’re too hooked to risk letting them go? When you’re with them, it’s like all your dreams are coming true . . . but when they withdraw, you feel lost and confused.

In today’s new video, I share 7 steps to finally move on and get the love you deserve. And if you need help convincing your heart as well as your head, these steps will give you the courage you need to do it.

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▼ Chapters ▼

0:00 – 1:13 – Can’t Stop Thinking About Them?
1:13 – 3:23 – How These Situations Play Out
3:23 – 4:34 – #1 Accept What You’re Really Dealing With
4:34 – 8:35 – #2 Connect With the True Cost and the True Pain
8:35 – 11:04 – #3 Connect With the Fact that Seeing Them Never Works
11:04 – 13:20 – #4 “Get the Liquor Out of the House”
13:20 – 16:58 – #5 Anticipate the Crash
16:58 – 18:18 – Finding a “Sponsor”
18:18 – 20:19 – #6 Develop a New Identity for Yourself
20:19 – 23:32 – #7 Put Evidence Behind That New Identity
23:32 – 25:29 – When Your Happiness Is at Stake

[OnjelieMarie]

I LOVE how you are calling it out as addiction because that’s exactly what it is.

[emkabrate]

The timing of this video is ON POINT with my life currently. I just found out I am 6 weeks pregnant and the man I am with (for more than 3 years) said he doesn't love me enough to have a family with me and he would never speak to me again if I give birth to this child. Made me realize he was never actually commited nor he was ever planning to be - he was just giving me enough to keep me there cause he was scared to be alone and I blindly went with it. Matthew, I needed to hear this so desperately, thank you. I'm done giving my all to leeches.

[ShopgirlNY]

Boy do I resonate with this. Trying to just cut off ties with someone who was your best friend, comfort person, support person is so bloody hard. It’s like a part of your heart & soul is just gone and you feel heartbroken, sad and lonely but I know deep down I have to feel the pain to heal it even though I still don’t want to let them go. 😢

[darkprinzeschen]

I had never thought about it that way, but it totally makes sense. We get addicted to the attention they give us, to the dopamine hit when they message, or when we see them and it's all like the honey-moon phase at the start of a relationship, as you don't see each other that much, so you only get the nice dates, intimacy etc. Not the real connection, the difficult moments, the compromise etc you get in a real relationship.

[studionr]

Thank you Matthew for this video. It's been 3 months since my relationship with my situationship ended due to my obsession coupled with my anxiety. Now that she has had a new one within 2 weeks, the person she told me not to worry about. I am learning day by day that it is important to have standards and appreciate/love yourself and never change yourself for another person. The only thing standing in the way now is that we have the same social circle and we will see each other on New Year's Eve, but even then I will just be myself and try not to intimidate myself.

[alf]

i now find beauty in the waves of pain, how beautiful it is to be alive and get to grow and learn. to know that our pain is here to teach us and show us how to love ourselves and others. life would be utterly boring and meaningless if we were always happy, we're all warriors of life. feeling the pain and loss is all part of the journey and shows that we're brave enough to continue on living and showing up despite how difficult it may be.

[cathywoo]

"Play the tape forward" ... brilliant and noted! Thank you.

[ruthhase-gutierrez]

I've watched a lot of videos about letting someone go, and this one blows the rest of them out of the water. It actually makes sense and helps, whereas the others are so generic (get a hobby, take a walk in nature, etc)

[pallawi]

I was addicted to my abusive lover, but it became too painful to be connected to him. I had to leave and let go. I had no other choice. I'm in nine months of absolute no contact now. There is calm and peace of mind. Yes, it does feel boring but it is empowering too. Last week I bumped into him and his new wife, I couldn't sleep that night. But nothing after that. It has gotten better with time. I'm focusing on myself, the new me, on improving my skills and financial stability, it has made me more confident. Cheers! Better days are coming!

[annabaty]

What really helps me is to give those guys nicknames when I think about them, which reflect the true situation. It is very effective in order to reduce the feeling of attraction and excitement. For instance, I met a guy who was not investing in me so I called him "Mister Boring" in my head. When I received a text from him for instance I told myself " Oh, Mister Boring has just texted me" or when I saw him in the streets I told myself " Oh, here comes Mister Boring". It is a funny way to help not beeing carried away by someone who does not deserve it.

[CarlaBatista]

One thing we learn from these situations and people is that once the signs are there we should say NO. No more accepting breadcrumbs even if the breadcrumbs feel amazing. 1st time we didn’t know how to act but 2nd time will be stupidity to go through the same again and we must act straightaway

[OnjelieMarie]

I did the brave thing, told him to not text me and he did! I hooked up with him again and like you said, it was the same thing all over again. The empty feeling after. I finally told him I’m cutting you off and I’m blocking you since you always text me when I say not to. Started thinking about him today after a month and half. Thought about reaching out but like Mathew said, you have to let those feelings pass and it’s very hard but we are strong and could do it!

[sihr]

Sometimes the best love life advice is just to point out what is NOT love. Thank you Matthew❤

[wira]

„…to see the situation less through the lens of romance, and much more through the lens of addiction…“

[kaworu]

it doesn’t seem to matter how many times i hear this advice, i just can’t seem to even want to take it

[rebelk]

I hate these videos. It's so on point and speaks right to me. It's exactly what I need to do and I know it. The truth hurts and it's difficult but it's absolutely what needs to happen. I'll rewatch this everyday for as long as I need to help me and become stronger.

[ylimerohl]

Hey Matthew, I just have to thank you for these valuable contributions that you continuously bring to YouTube. The last year has not been an easy one for me. My ex and I broke up this year and there were times in my life where I was very emotionally dependent on him. You picked me up so much in the time after the breakup and even now, more than half a year later, you are still helping me with your content. I am so grateful for your work! Thank you!

[SeaEagle]

I've been with my partner for 12 years and he has NEVER left me feeling anxious and NEVER left me feeling confused. Anyone who leaves you feeling internally chaotic is not the one . .

[DasCayman]

For anyone readig this who watched the video. A lot of what MH was talking about overlaps with limerance and limerant objects. It's an addiction and those with childhoold or complex PTSD are especially susceptible to it. All the best everyone. I went through what he talked about in the video and it truly was an addiciton and it took me to the lowest of lows when I had to go through "withdrawal"

[stitches]

“It feels too good when it’s good” 🙌🏻 exactly. EXACTLY