2018 Kia Carnival (Kia Sedona in the USA) review | Auto Expert John Cadogan

If you’re been an over-enthusiastic breeder, and now it’s time to pay, I’ve got some good news for you: You don’t have to live in a kind of automotive Guantanamo Bay.

The reasons not to buy a Carnival are dropping like flies. This might be inconvenient - if you’re fishing for reasons to buy an SUV instead.
Here’s a few more: Kia is seriously committed to customer support at the senior executive management level. Individual dealers can be dicks, occasionally, of course, but at the top, the company is one of the best customer support operators in the market.

There’s a long seven-year factory warranty - unlimited kilometres, seven years of capped price servicing, and seven years of roadside assistance - all transferrable to the next owner.

This time around they’ve added the new eight-speed gearbox, which we first saw in the Stinger and which was also recently added to Sorento.

Also standard on Carnival for 2018 is auto emergency braking, adaptive cruise control, lane departure warning, and an electronic parking brake. That’s across the entire range, which is pretty impressive.

As you step up through the range you get bigger wheels, LED lamps, bigger touchscreen, and tri-zone climate air conditioning.

Carnival Platinum adds stuff like eight-way power adjustable front seats - his and hers - with heating and air-con in the seats, of course, and a 360-degree camera system for those of you who remain unconvinced that the vehicle’s not really as big as is seems at first glance.

You’ve probably never thought about it like this but comfort levels are high in Carnival because the wheelbase is so long, and that means that in particular for passengers in rows one and two it’s just like sitting in between the wheels in the middle of a big Greyhound bus. The ride is thus less affected by inputs at the front and the rear.
But if you’ve got kids and they’re susceptible to motion sickness, spare a thought for them if they’re stuck here up the back, and literally impacted by every defect in the road. So if you want to avoid that whole ‘technicolor yawn’ scenario on the big trip (and who doesn’t?) then I’d be dialling back my driving enthusiasm by about 30 per cent.

In the context of what you expect from an eight-seat glorified minibus - in terms of dynamic performance, styling, equipment levels - Carnival is way ahead of the curve.

The thing that really impresses me about Carnival - and it will impress you, too, once you get over your grief because you didn’t buy a far sexier SUV, is the versatility - it’s officially an eight-seater, but if you unclip the centre seat in row two, it’s the best seven-seater money can buy.

There’s actual luggage space - even with bums on all the seats. And if you’re renovating - perhaps because you need three extra bedrooms suddenly - it’s brilliant. Easy to disappear the seats and drive your ersatz delivery van to Bunnings, or whatever.

If you’re a car-loving dad, I must warn you that you will lose the vote on this if you take your kids to the dealership. Kids love Carnivals. I was talking to a Kia insider who I won’t name - Roland Rivera - the product planning boss - and he’s telling me the kids hate it when he brings a Stinger home.

‘Dad! Dad! When can you get a Carnival?’ - That’s kinda how it plays on the domestic front.

And then there’s the price: Carnival Platinum is fully loaded, but it’s gunna cost you $65,000 on the road. For a Kia. Just for perspective, you can buy two Kia Picanto GT-Lines for $17,000 each, and get 10 seats for about half the price. So there’s that. Still, Carnival is the best ‘not an SUV’ money can buy.

It’s is certainly an expensive purchase … except when you consider the true cost of breeding enthusiastically. Feeding, clothing, housing and educating all those children you have inflicted upon the world.