Les Misérables: 11- Master Of The House

From the Original Broadway Cast

[Indego]

Its interesting that highest point in the play is a song about an unhappy marriage and ripping people off in absurd ways. :D

[xxBLacKroSeSxx]

the Thénardiers are the comedic relief that this play needed or it would just be one big cry fest since this musical is so moving

[JaneDoe-knsd]

I love this version, it's so sleazy sounding.

[spkyy]

"Yay, we're being robbed!"

[meganvanbendegon]

this role is probably really fun to act.

[TheCompleteMuppet]

Am I the only one who thinks there were loads of happy moments? The whole love story? Even Valjean's death was happy. He was content with his life to die at that point.

The whole thing showed that people could live through terrible things.

At least, that's what it said to me.

[bonitrichampscottydoesntkn]

It's funny, because they're celebrating being robbed by Thenardier.

[cecegonzalez]

"Here we strive to lighten your purse" Yeah because "Everything has got a little priiiice"

[CrazyOtaku]

Lol "thinks he's quite a lover but there's not much there " xD xD xD

[memedealer]

If you listen closely you can hear a guy say " What are they talking about?"

[IAmJohnThomas]

i love when mrs. thenardier is singing, like, it sounds much more like what i imagine she would sound like, evil and nasty, not fancy and scheming...

[JKDissection]

I remember the director at my community theatre giving me and the backup for this song a long, LONG rant before going on about how deathly important it was for us to be totally perfect because without the relief song, the audience would be so horrifically depressed. Honestly, this song is so much fun, even a half-well performance is funny as hell

[maddieadaddy]

[THENARDIER (greeting a new customer)]
Welcome, Monsieur, sit yourself down
And meet the best innkeeper in town
As for the rest, all of 'em crooks
Rooking their guests and cooking the books
Seldom do you see
Honest men like me
A gent of good intent
Who's content to be

Master of the house, doling out the charm
Ready with a handshake and an open palm
Tells a saucy tale, makes a little stir
Customers appreciate a bon-viveur

Glad to do a friend a favor, doesn't cost me to be nice
But nothing gets you nothing, everything has got a little price!

Master of the house, keeper of the zoo
Ready to relieve 'em of a sou or two
Watering the wine, making up the weight
Pickin' up their knick-knacks when they can't see straight
Everybody loves a landlord
Everybody's bosom friend
I do whatever pleases
Jesus! Won't I bleed 'em in the end!

[DRINKERS/DINERS/THENARDIER]
Master of the house, quick to catch your eye
Never wants a passerby to pass him by
Servant to the poor, butler to the great
Comforter, philosopher, and lifelong mate!
Everybody's boon companion
Everybody's chaperone

[THENARDIER]
But lock up your valises
Jesus! Won't I skin you to the bone!

[Thenardier greets another customer and takes his bag.]

Enter Monsieur, lay down your load
Unlace your boots, rest from the road
This weighs a ton, travel's a curse
But here we strive to lighten your purse
Here the goose is cooked
Here the fat is fried
And nothing's overlooked
Till I'm satisfied

Food beyond compare, food beyond belief
Mix it in a mincer and pretend it's beef
Kidney of a horse, liver of a cat
Filling up the sausages with this and that
Residents are more than welcome, bridal suite is occupied
Reasonable charges plus some little extras on the side

Charge 'em for the lice, extra for the mice
Two percent for looking in the mirror twice
Here a little slice, there a little cut
Three percent for sleeping with the window shut

When it comes to fixing prices
There are a lot of tricks he knows
How it all increases
All those bits and pieces
Jesus, It's amazing how it grows

[DRINKERS/DINERS/THENARDIER]
Master of the house, quick to catch your eye
Never wants a passerby to pass him by
Servant to the poor butler to the great
Comforter, philosopher, and lifelong mate
Everybody's boon companion
Gives 'em everything he's got

[THENARDIER]
Dirty bunch of geezers
Jesus, what a sorry little lot

[MADAME THENARDIER]
I used to dream that I would meet a prince
But God Almighty, have you seen what's happened since?

Master of the house? Isn't worth me spit!
'Comforter, philosopher, ' and lifelong shit
Cunning little brain, regular Voltaire
Thinks he's quite a lover, but there's not much there
What a cruel trick of nature
Landed me with such a louse
God knows how I've lasted
Living with this bastard in the house

[DRINKERS/DINERS/THENARDIER]
Master of the house

[MADAME THENARDIER]
Master and a half

[DRINKERS/DINERS/THENARDIER]
Comforter, philosopher

[MADAME THENARDIER]
Don't make me laugh

[DRINKERS/DINERS/THENARDIER]
Servant to the poor, butler to the great

[MADAME THENARDIER]
Hypocrite and toady and inebriate

[DRINKERS/DINERS/THENARDIER]
Everybody bless the landlord
Everybody bless his spouse

[THENARDIER]
Everybody raise a glass

[MADAME THENARDIER]
Raise it up the master's ass

[ALL]
Everybody raise a glass to the master of the house

[thenarwhalsawaken]

Mix it in a mincer and pretend it's beef- favorite line, just so blase about scamming people and possible food poisoning

[avidarois]

"EVERYBODY RAISE A GLASS-"
[Hamilton fans screeching in the background]

[LauraLanyi]

My French teacher has seen this musical 3 times live and the movie every year with his grade 10 class (me last year) and he always complains that we always clap along "they're the bad people why are we singing along?! Non non! Agh! !EVERYTIME I SEE IT LIVE IT'S THE SAME! NOT YOU TOO!!" He's my favorite teacher. He's teaching me again for the last time this year! (He's retiring this year!) I'll miss him more than any other teacher ever!

[codhappyface]

This song just puts a big smile on my face

[bonitrichampscottydoesntkn]

People seem to like this song the most because it's the only happy song in the entire musical.

[eleanorhogan]

The bit that always made my Grandma, my Mother and me wince was the bit of what he was putting in the sausages and the mice and lice, and I always thought "poor horse, poor cat and poor people that were eating it unwary"

[celsocosta]

Welcome, Monsieur, sit yourself down
And meet the best innkeeper in town
As for the rest, all of 'em crooks:
Rooking their guests and cooking the books
Seldom do you see
Honest men like me
A gent of good intent
Who's content to be

Master of the house, doling out the charm
Ready with a handshake and an open palm
Tells a saucy tale, makes a little stir
Customers appreciate a bon-viveur
Glad to do a friend a favor
Doesn't cost me to be nice
But nothing gets you nothing
Everything has got a little price!

Master of the house, keeper of the zoo
Ready to relieve 'em of a sou or two
Watering the wine, making up the weight
Pickin' up their knick-knacks when they can't see straight
Everybody loves a landlord
Everybody's bosom friend
I do whatever pleases
Jesus! Won't I bleed 'em in the end!

Master of the house, quick to catch yer eye
Never wants a passerby to pass him by
Servant to the poor, butler to the great
Comforter, philosopher, and lifelong mate!
Everybody's boon companion
Everybody's chaperone
But lock up your valises
Jesus! Won't I skin you to the bone!

Food beyond compare. Food beyond belief
Mix it in a mincer and pretend it's beef
Kidney of a horse, liver of a cat
Filling up the sausages with this and that
Residents are more than welcome
Bridal suite is occupied
Reasonable charges
Plus some little extras on the side!
(Oh Santa!)

Charge 'em for the lice, extra for the mice
Two percent for looking in the mirror twice
Here a little slice, there a little cut
Three percent for sleeping with the window shut
When it comes to fixing prices
There are a lot of tricks I knows
How it all increases, all them bits and pieces
Jesus! It's amazing how it grows!

(Oh, sorry love
Let's get something done about that)
I used to dream that I would meet a prince
But God Almighty, have you seen what's happened since?

Master of the house? Isn't worth my spit!
Comforter, philosopher' and lifelong shit!
Cunning little brain, regular Voltaire
Thinks he's quite a lover but there's not much there
What a cruel trick of nature landed me with such a louse
God knows how I've lasted living with this bastard in the house!

Master of the house!
Master and a half!
Comforter, philosopher
Don't make me laugh!
Servant to the poor, butler to the great
Hypocrite and toady and inebriate!

Everybody bless the landlord!
Everybody bless his spouse!

Everybody raise a glass
Raise it up the master's arse
Everybody raise a glass to the Master of the House!

Meu bando de embriagados, meu covil de dissolutos
Minhas piadas sujas, meus bêbados tão estúpidos
Meus filhos de prostitutas que passam a vida em minha pousada
Pombos-correios guiados para casa
Eles voam através das minhas portas
E eles rastejam nos quatro membros

Bem-vindo, Senhor, sente-se
E satisfaça o melhor hospedeiro da cidade
Quanto ao resto, todos eles trapaceiros
Roubando seus hóspedes e fraudando a contabilidade
Raramente você vê
Homens honestos como eu
Um senhor de boas intenções
Que se contenta em ser

O dono da casa, distribuindo charme
Pronto com um aperto de mão e a palma aberta
Conta um conto picante, cria um pouco de agitação
Os clientes apreciam um bon vivant
Fico feliz em fazer um favor a um amigo
Não me custa nada ser bom
Mas nada que te faz é nada
Tudo tem um pequeno preço!

O dono da casa, o guardião do zoológico
Pronto para aliviar deles um vintém ou dois
Aguando o vinho, suprimindo o peso
Pegando as suas bugigangas quando não estão olhando direito
Todo mundo adora um senhorio
Amigo do peito de todos
Eu faço o que quer que agrade
Jesus! Não vou sangrá-los, por fim!

O dono da casa, ligeiro para chamar sua atenção
Nunca quer que um transeunte passe por ele
Servo para o pobre, mordomo para o rico
Consolador, filósofo e companheiro para toda a vida!
Companheiro de todos os benefícios
Acompanhante de todos
Mas tranquem suas valises
Jesus! Não vou te esfolar até os ossos

Comida além da comparação. Comida além da crença.
Misture no triturador e finja que é carne
O rim de um cavalo, o fígado de um gato
Enchendo as salsichas com isso e aquilo
Moradores são mais do que bem-vindos
A suíte nupcial está ocupada
Taxas razoáveis
Além de alguns extras à margem
(Oh, Papai Noel!)

Um custo pelos piolhos, um extra pelos ratos
Dois por cento para se olhar duas vezes no espelho
Aqui uma pequena fatia, lá um pequeno corte
Três por cento para dormir com a janela fechada
Quando se trata de fixar preços
Há um monte de truques que eu conheço
Como tudo aumenta, todas as tralhas deles
Jesus! É incrível como isto cresce!

(Oh, desculpe amor
Vamos fazer algo a respeito)
Eu costumava sonhar que iria conhecer um príncipe.
Mas Deus Todo Poderoso, viu o que aconteceu desde então?

O dono da casa? Não vale meu cuspe!
Consolador, filósofo e um merda para toda vida!
Pequeno cérebro de astúcia, um Voltaire comum
Pensa que é um grande amante, mas não tem muita coisa lá...
Que cruel brincadeira da natureza me enterrar com este piolho
Deus sabe como é duro viver com este bastardo dentro de casa!

O dono da casa!
Dono e meio!
Consolador, filósofo
Não me faça rir!
Um servo para o pobres, um mordomo para os ricos
Hipócrita e bajulador e embriagado

Todos abençoam o senhorio!
Todos abençoam sua esposa!

Tudo mundo erga um copo
Erga para a bunda do dono
Todos ergam um copo do dono da casa