How to not care what people think

Thank you to BetterHelp for sponsoring today's episode!
With BetterHelp you get unlimited messaging and a weekly live session.

connect

starring -
Melissa Macedo
Michelle Macedo

shot by Eric Lombart

grip - Melissa Gasca, John Lee

sound - John Lee

edited by Timothy Hautekiet

gfx by Bethany Radloff

[joshuazane]

Honestly, the biggest thing for me was realizing how little other people actually thought about me at all. That might sound like a downer, but it was actually really freeing for me.

[candicefaithv]

"I don't like you because you overshare online" ..."well that's because you desperately want to put yourself out there but you're terrified" oof felt that one

[bosgotnojams]

Projecting is so true. It's annoying how when someone asks you something and you answer them and they'd proceed to not believe that you're telling the truth, like tf just because you're a liar doesn't mean I'm a liar too. ಠ_ಠ

[ElleVisTutorials]

"You desperately want to put yourself out there but you're terrified"
OHMYGOODNESS THIS WAS SO ACCURATE!?!?!!? Like for years I've developed some sort of animosity for peers who "overshare" online but the truth is, I was just envious because I could never do that as an overthinker and I'm jus too shy to function and scared of what people will think of me 😭 😫

[jaymurphy]

While I do think its important to not care what *everyone* thinks of us -- a lot of people in the modern day world aren't out of the survival mode that Anna's talking about. Community, and having folks who support you, is still extremely important to a lot of folks well-being! Being kind to others (and becoming liked by extension, at least, in my experience!) is the only reason I've been able to be still standing today. When you don't have the resources (financial or otherwise!) or ability (I personally am disabled!) to be "independent", or, as Anna says, "mostly live in isolation", having a community to fall back on can and will save your life. So yes, its absolutely important to learn to balance a need to be liked with speaking your truth -- you can't be liked by everyone, and trying to be will not help anyone's situation! But it's also not a "useless leftover evolutionary drive" for a lot of people -- community, and being liked by those in your community, is still a life saving and an important survival mechanism for those without the privileged and resources to be considered self-sufficient.

edit: a good specific example of this I have is, when I was a teenager, I would routinely take walk and take public transportation in less than ideal areas at night. By being genuine, loving, and kind to the folks I ran into in these areas (most of who were experiencing homelessness, and it was only by luck and chance that I had a place to live myself) -- they were also willing and often protected me from those who were potentially violent and predatory. On more than one occasion, folks I had run into before would step in to stop harassment before it escalated further, because they knew I would do the same for them. My kindness to others had made me liked by the community, and this probably saved my life.

tl;dr: safety in numbers is still a very important survival mechanism for a lot of people, and being able to 100% not care about being liked in your community is a privilege not everybody has.

[mollusckscramp]

Anna Akana is woke af. I'm currently going through leaving a toxic friendship and this is one of the most emotionally piercing videos of hers I have ever seen. It's the first time this week I haven't felt like blaming myself for how things unfolded, thanks you AA! ❤

[ThaMobstarr]

I am definitely that person. I apologise quickly, even when I don‘t have to and I hate sensing that other people actively dislike me. I like to live in harmony. But I notice that this leads to people taking advantage of you and that even so called „friends“ may not treat you with respect.

[Meghoowvve]

I feel that this really valid point can be used by manipulative people to say "you shouldn't feel bad about that, you're just projecting"

[flamingowilliams]

"When i see what I'm envious about, i can emobdy that trait that i want, nobody actually stopping me from doing that other than myself" ❤ GOLD!

[TheDSasterX]

Anna: *Complete package*
Also Anna: Jealous of what other people have
The rest of us: Do you want all of our bad!?

[sanchita-tufj]

Yes! I knew it! Their judgments are the projection of their ego, insecurities and a way in which they could hide their own deeds. Which also led me to realize that I'm the only one who's stopping myself from being what I want to be.

[tamag]

"i dont want to live with a couple of homo erectuses anyway"
"you know we're Neanderthals!"

I live for their big brain sarcastic i luv u ladies 😭😭😭

[canpy]

Omg needed this so badly. Anna is a mind reader...!!

[savetheoceanxyz]

“consciousness is a leftover evolutionary trait” is a take i was not prepared for this morning

[AliciaLGlenn]

Imagine if the urge to be liked wasn't the outdated evolutionary trait we often think it is. After all, we're wired to seek out communities for survival. What if it's the habit of negatively judging or criticizing others that's the real outdated survival strategy? We tend to judge things to gauge safety, and projection—blaming others for what we fear in ourselves—is a way to shield ourselves from perceived threats. What if we could recognize when we're judging someone and understand why we're doing it? It could help us uncover our own fears and defenses. Also, if we can recognize when someone else is judging, we can empathize with their need for security and safety.

Thank you for your content! I am a huge fan!

[matthewwells]

For the record keeping track of latitude and longitude is harder without a super accurate time piece.

[brendonlantz]

I feel like your channel is a hidden gem. I find it so entertaining and hillarious yet also thought provoking. I really think it helps people (including myself) grow and consider new ideas. I hope you're doing well and best of wishes Anna!

[zecare]

This is so true, most of the time people are not even thinking of you they a relating everything to themselves and projecting their own insecurities!

[authenticallytrish]

I think this is true from a friendship standpoint, but it seems that being liked definitely helps in MOST areas of life specifically relating to obtaining means for survival.

[Starr_Moya]

You’re always such an inspiration, not only in the messages but also in the execution of the content you create!