The 2 essential skills you need for great conversations

Good conversation starts not with others but with YOU. You have the power to bring out the good in others with your energy and empathy. In this conversation skills video, we will talk about how to create interesting conversations using a combination of energy and empathy. I'll teach you some questions you can ask to make others get excited and interested in conversing with you. We will also talk about what to do when someone loses interest or talks down to you. Watch the lesson to improve your conversational skills and become the person everyone wants to talk with.

Watch these other videos I've done on conversation skills to take it to the next level:

How to start a conversation: What to say after hello:

How to use W5 questions for better conversations:

How to STEAL a conversation:

TRANSCRIPT

Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo-doo. Oh, hi. James from engVid. Today I wanted to talk to you about two tips on conversation. These tips I think can have you... Help you have an amazing conversation, make you really interesting... Actually, make people really interested in you so you can keep having conversation. After all, it's the practice that we need to get better, and if people don't want to talk to you, you can't improve.

So quickly we'll go to the board and you'll see Mr. E has boxing gloves, and it says: "1, 2". In boxing, the "old one-two" is a jab and a straight punch. Why? It's very effective and it gets the job quickly done so you can take out your opponent. In this case, what I want to do is teach you two things that you can use in combination to make people you speak to enjoy the conversation with you, want to practice more, or talk to you more so you get more practice. Are you ready? Let's go to the board.

So, how to knock them out with killer conversation tips, 1 and 2. For most people when they're practicing or when they want to improve conversation, they think: "I need to talk a lot because if I get to talk a lot I'll get better." That's 50% of the equation, because in any conversation there's the speaker and the listener, and both parts must be worked on, because if you have a healthy balance the person who is listening to you will want you to continue, but usually they want to speak as well.

In a lot of conversations, something that will make a conversation go well is empathy, which "empathy" means: "I understand what you're saying. I also want to know how you feel." Another part of it is energy, people want to be excited. Nobody wants to talk to a person who talks like this on the whole subject, it wants... It makes them want to stop talking to you. That energy or lack of energy can be on your part or their part. In this lesson I want to address both things, empathy and energy, to teach you how to raise the energy in a conversation if it's low; and teach you empathy, how to feel or get them to feel in the conversation so they care, because if they care, they share. Are you ready? Let's go to the board.

Let's talk about empathy. One of the biggest parts of a conversation is empathy. When a person cares about the conversation, they stay in it, they're excited about it, so it's one way to raise energy. A lot of times when we're talking we make the mistake of thinking: "Okay, well, I've got a lot to tell people", and we get excited, so we have a lot of energy, you're talking about: "I got a new car the other day. It's an amazing car. It's got, like, bucket seats. The seats warm up in the winter. Canada's cold. The steering wheel warms up. I got a really good price on it. I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I..." the magic "I". Now, it's good for me because I get to say: "I", see? Me and I, but for a listener it gets boring because they're like: "Ah, ah". They want to talk. So a way to change that around, you might say: "Well, I'll just use 'you'. I'll say: 'How about you? You, you, you'". That's okay, that's a good start, putting it on them.

But if you want to show empathy to get them interested in the conversation, what you might want to say is one of two sentences I will show you now because when you say these sentences it makes the person know you care about them, not just about you. And in inviting them to speak about something gives them the opportunity to put their opinion in, so no matter how the conversation goes, they will remember that they were part of a conversation, not a lecture where you just spoke about you. And they will also probably remember the conversation in a more positive way, which means later on they'll want to talk to you. […]

[Dogs]

James, I'm a native speaker but I watch these videos anyway because you're extremely engaging and possess a unique fashion sense. You're mannerisms and body language go far in drawing people in and keeping people watching! Cheers

[patrasculucian]

This video is not necessarily about making conversations in English, but in any language. It makes you develop your character and be generally a better person!

Superb video, I'm ravenous for more!

[EdgeOfLight]

That's actually a good lesson for any given language. I completely agree with how frustrating it is to be unable to speak because someone is constantly speaking.

[hannanice]

I've always felt hurt and worthless because at work people talk down to me as my tong get tight since I got a poor education background but I'm doing my best to change their opinion and gain the respect that I deserve. Thanks a lot for all the lifetime lessons you provide us.

[Jaims]

This man has so much energy and positivity in him to share with you people. One of the best English teacher I’ve ever had and honestly you can’t get bored around him. KEEP WATCHING HIS VIDEOS!!!

[Chomsky]

James you are one of the BEST teachers I have seen in my whole life!!!! Greetings from Madrid, Spain.

[khanlakhno]

Sir, you are so charismatic! I absolutely love you!

[gutoBR]

I am from Brazil and I’ve been here 4y now and you have helped me so much. I can’t thank you enough. You are amazing. Thank you very much. I have learned a lot with you. My vocabulary is getting better every day.

[kushalpuri]

again a fabulous video by a fabulous teacher in a fabulous way!!!
Love the way you teach. Keep it up and thanx for such a useful information.

[cesartenorio]

You're an amazing teacher, how to keep a conversation, simply a genius.

[amitkumarking]

Hello Sir ! My name is AMIT KUMAR. I'm from India.
First of all I want to thank you for your kind EFFORT to teach people English. I like the way you teach. It's quite impressive .
I want you to make videos on homonyms, homophones and root words.

[ahmedelba]

Cool lesson its not just English it's culture of the English language:D

[gurbanaarongulman]

Man, you are the best teacher ever!
I like the way you teach us. Every time I watch your videos I feel like I'm with my close friend so thank you for being friendly and such a cool English master 👍👍👍

[eccentricnima]

The joy of learning English by James ESL!

[fatimaalobeidly]

You’re the best teacher ever ! Thank you for these useful videos

[AndrezaHana]

OMG I’m so glad I found you on YouTube. I live in Ireland more then 5 years and my English is useless. I’m so glad that I found you on YouTube and I can improve now. I’m learning a lot with u. Thank u for your effort and time.

[voltronsupremeFood]

I frequently rag on James, but I have to admit he does a many things that will help you with your conversations. First notice he dresses well, So one thing to take is that you want to bring your best self forward. He is dress dapper. Two he is wearing a bow, while traditionally people-wear is a tie, a bow can be used as an ice breaker in a conversation. It helps other open up to you by acting as a conversation piece. Thirds thing is the empathy, instead of just saying aaahh you can invite them continue talking by asking them questions. The fourth thing that James does is hand gestures. The gestures are not over powering and flow with his tone of voice and hence make the conversation more lively. Five knowing how to subtlety change your voices tone. I do disagree on one point is the use of "OK" or "And" because tone of voice is crucial, if you say ok with the wrong tone it can come off as sarcastic. If you are unsure if your tone for OK is sarcastic or leading, then it better to not use OK and follow up with a positive leading question. Follow these sets and you will come off as charismatic. Remember too smile subtlety too, Like James does in his videos. Compare James to the others on engvid notice that the others are uncharismatic and one could easily argue extremely dull.

[jennysvshowtime]

I tried to watch several channels no one is like you !! You are the best ever

[shafiiahmeddahir]

Thanks teacher this is best video I ever watch because sometime people who speak English fluently they don’t want have much talk

[PamelaPalmaM]

This video is perfect! It will help me a lot with my upcoming speaking exam.
Thank you, James! By the way, nice bow tie 😊