5 Habits to Stop Shopping for Your Fantasy Self

On this channel, I share #slowfashion​​​​​ and #sustainablefashion​​​​​ tips that center around how to #shopyourcloset, and restyling pieces you already own. I also spotlight brands that I believe in every now and then. I believe in #creativityoverconsumption​​​​​, and that we all have the power to be conscious consumers.

Slow fashion looks different for everyone, and I'm so grateful you share this space with me!

Alyssa
xx

[melaniemcneil]

Recently I spent a few minutes thinking about how I actually spend my time. I wrote down activities in order of time used, such as home things, exercise (gym and walking/hiking), errands, casual social, dressy social, and special occasion. (No work as I'm retired, and group or committee things would be in casual social.) Then I wrote what types of pieces I like to wear for each of those activities. For instance, for running errands, I like to wear jeans or joggers or shorts with a casual top, or in summer I often wear a casual dress. I did a bit more analysis, including how I want to feel, and what vibe I want to convey, and what colors I want to wear, what proportions do I like... Then I could look at what I actually own and whether or not I have what I need/want to cover those activities. Where not, I could identify specific pieces to buy to fill the gaps. It helped a lot in understanding my frustrations and how to solve them.

[Teverell]

I have always wanted to be comfortable in my clothes, and for me, that's more of a casual look, although over the past few years with your help and that of other YouTubers who talk about style, I have reached and attained a more polished casual wardrobe, with more natural fibres and more luxury materials - I bought a cashmere jumper on eBay as a try-out to see whether it was a fantasy piece or an aspirational piece. It turned out to be an aspirational piece and I have several cashmere jumpers now, so I can wear one almost every day when it's cold. I also found that I like wearing silk scarves, and brooches (having metal in direct contact wit my skin for a length of time causes an eczema flare-up).

And someone complimented me this morning, saying that I always look nice and colour coordinated. I'm literally wearing clothing one or two steps above the jeans and T-shirt/sweatshirt look I have had all my life, finding that I now prefer chinos and polo shirts in summer and corduroys and cashmere in winter. So my advice is: Work out what you're wearing now, and if what you want to wear is one or two steps up from that, it's more likely to be aspirational. Going from jeans and T-shirt every day to wearing smart trousers and silk blouses is more likely to be a fantasy (although look at your lifestyle and what you do every day).

Also, don't buy black, white, grey, blue and camel just because that seems to be the colours that comprise the majority of capsule wardrobes. I prefer olive and sage greens, beiges, browns, yellow, ivory/cream, tans, camel and rusty orange shades, and focussed on those colours from the very beginning of my style journey.

[melissaschloneger]

In having a job change, I have a big wardrobe change. My old clothes from more “professional” times does not fit me and even looks too young. I have been using your videos to try and figure out how I want to present myself to the world. You make me want to enjoy the process more and have fun with it. I appreciate your new and your old videos. The ones where you shop in thrift stores are the best, and reminds me of when I enjoyed finding great stuff in the thrift stores that are staples in my closet. Thank you so much for your videos.

[pattyloubryant]

Nailed it. My life has changed dramatically in the past 10 years. Corporate trainer with stilettos and fab suits. College instructor in Northern Canada with zero need for suits. Currently a church community worker. I still have my 3 words—fitted, bold and functional. My fantasy/old needs are hard to leave behind. Totally impractical to be in stilettos. But I miss dressing up. Solution? Fabulous lingerie. I know. Just me enjoying it. Thanks Alyssa. Always great insight.

[JudithBurgess-jr]

I am 84 years old, my health is good, I love fashion, and I definitely have a fantasy life that I shop for. I really appreciated this video and I’m going to ruminate on it.

[tereclemmer]

I think a lot of us find shopping takes away our boredom and gives us a rewarding rush. I guess it is an addiction. We have to make the effort to find the root causes to face the issue head on to begin working on solutions. Your proposed suggestions are a good beginning. Thank you!

[SylviaKift]

Such good questions to ask myself, Alyssa! I just love shopping at thrift shops. But I’ve ended up with with an overflowing closet of beautiful but way too many clothes! I feel that I need to ask myself some of those questions and then keep them uppermost in my mind when I go back to my favourite charity shops. I need to go through my closet, eliminating those items that don’t answer the questions well. I have often been told, “If you haven’t worn this in a year, discard it.” But this doesn’t work for me because I often go for a year or more without wearing an item and then begin wearing it on regular rotation again. I love clothes and love styling them in all kinds of unexpected ways. Consequently, I find it very difficult to get rid of clothes. If they are well made and of good quality and fabric, my tendency is to keep them now since I have lived to regret giving away so many beautiful pieces in the past.

[teresamccrone]

My problem is that I know the sort of things I want to buy, but they're not available. I hang on to old shabby items because I have difficulty replacing them. There are so many clothes for sale and none of them work for me.

[sparklie]

I think a huge key to all of this is to develop as much confidence as possible in one's personal aesthetic/style - and acceptance of one's height, silhouette and colouring. Doing so makes it a lot easier to resist the onslaught of messages that say You Must Update Your Wardrobe Right Now. If I'd listened to those messages my closet would be filled with pieces that I wouldn't wear because they just. don't. suit. me. Thank you so much Alyssa for encouraging us to reset our thinking, to focus on self-acceptance and to forge our own style paths!

[donnaalpert]

Brilliant presentation and so needed. How refreshing to hear a style content creator speak to reality and practicality. The pie chart is such an effective tool in that it’s a visual representation that is eye-opening and harder to ignore than those unacknowledged fantasies swirling around in one’s head. Well done.

[BeWriteThere]

Love your channel! Not only do I find myself learning a ton, I'm always so relaxed at the end of each video. It feels like a little "ahhhh exhale" - Thank you so much!

[lindatyler]

I love that as you have grown and changed through the years your message as stayed the same!

[philosophymom]

O.M.G.- Probably the best advice I’ve ever received. I’ve been shopping for my fantasy self my whole life, the thinner me, the exotic traveler me, etc. Thank you so much. Recently found you as I was planning my trip for Italy this Sept. Love your videos!

[pauline]

I love watching your channel, such great tips as always. I no longer own fantasy items they've all been donated over the last few years. I'm older (57) and a different bodyshape/height (5'2" slight pear shape) to you but I get inspiration from your videos and create my own looks from the ones I like.

[cathymeyer]

Loved this video. I just spent 30 minutes filling a cart online with items for my fantasy self. I will be going back to delete. So many of your points really applied to me. I have been practicing "retail therapy" for years. However, I am trying to pull myself out of that mind-set with the help of vlogs like yours. Wish me luck and thanks so much for your content. 😊❤

[jodithecheeselady]

I’m just here to say that I love and appreciate everyone’s comments and tips in this style community! How refreshing to be here instead of scrolling on instagram 😅😂❤

[anetthobok]

I have a blazer bought years ago for my fantasy self at work - cause everyone should have a blazer, right? And this video made me realize, that I actually hate it. 😄 It's not me, I never wear it, it's not an item of self expression, it's an item of compliance.
The signature style tip was very useful for me too, cause now I can be more aware of my go-to looks, and what makes me love them.
Thanks for the video!😊

[nikkisue]

This was amazing. I need to take some of these tips to ease up on my shopping habits. I am going to go to my closet right now and take a thorough audit. Thanks, Alyssa.

[Laurenofearth]

Wow, it’s not so often I get to soak in something new and enriching on this subject. Yay for the ‘deep’ self reflection talk! The space before and after the purchase is golden. Nice sponsorship transition and content. Connecting the dopamine rush with the CREATIVITY exercise of ‘shop your closet’ activity… emotional durability of 3D objects 🤯 wow.

I am such a wardrobe nerd 🤓 and I truly strive for the value found in life’s processes, rather than the alluring destination. I am so happy to have found your channel. Namaste babe 🙌🏻 keep kicking all of the ass!!!! 😍

[jbar]

I really like the value vs. desire idea, definitely something I will hang onto. We are planning to move to another house soon so I will be thinking of this as I go through all my stuff, not just clothing, as I decide what is coming with me and what is not and can be a blessing for someone else. Thank you for all your content, it really is helpful! ❤