Do You Navigate People? 4 Examples - Codependency and Trauma

Do you navigate people? 4 Examples - Codependency and Trauma

Monthly Healing Community

In this video we cover: codependency, shame, mental boundaries, confirming, attachment, highly sensitive person, triggers, survival strategy, therapy, childhood trauma, toxic family systems, boundaries, inner child, , c-ptsd, ptsd, toxic parents, narcissistic abuse, healing, abusive parents, emotional abuse, childhood ptsd, repressed memories, hsp, hypervigilance, narcissistic parents, emotionally abusive parents, child abuse, narcissistic father, childhood emotional neglect, abuse, narcissistic mother, alcoholism, scapegoat, genogram, siblings, dissociation, trauma

Chapters:
0:00 Intro
2:40 Connect With Me
4:57 About Codependent Navigating
6:30 #1: Kill 'em With Kindness
8:01 #1: Kill 'em With Kindness | How It's From Childhood
9:32 #1: Kill 'em With Kindness | How to Work on It
10:41 #2: Head Them Off at the Pass
12:29 #2: Head Them Off at the Pass | How It's From Childhood
14:44 #2: Head Them Off at the Pass | How to Work on It
15:41 #3: Check it Out (x5) - Not Trusting
18:41 #3: Check it Out (x5) - Not Trusting | How It's From Childhood
19:24 #3: Check it Out (x5) - Not Trusting | How to Work on It
20:15 #4: Sneaky Questions
22:28 #4: Sneaky Questions | How It's From Childhood
23:41 #4: Sneaky Questions | How to Work on It
24:30 Final Thoughts
26:36 Outro

Learn more about Patrick Teahan,
Childhood Trauma Resources and Offerings

MUSIC IS BY - Chris Haugen - Ibiza Dream

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⚠️ Disclaimer

My videos are for educational purposes only. Information provided on this channel is not intended to be a substitute for in person professional medical advice. It is not intended to replace the services of a therapist, physician, or other qualified professional, nor does it constitute a therapist-client or physician or quasi-physician relationship.

If you are, or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go immediately to the nearest emergency room.

If you are having emotional distress, please utilize 911 or the National Suicide Hotline
1-800-273-8255

[patrickteahanofficial]

Try to spot one of my kittens trying to get into my office towards the end
😂😎

[MadameDesu]

I caught myself asking a slightly sneaky question yesterday to my partner. “Are you warm, do you want me to turn on the AC?” They said no and I felt weirdly disappointed. Then I realized that *I* was the one who was feeling warm and wanted the AC on. I didn’t even realize it in the moment, my default was to defer to my partner.

[sandraskj]

What made it easy for me to move away from this behavior was to realize that they would push healthy people away while keeping toxic people around. Healthy people sense the manipulation in your eggshell-walking around them and feel automatically uncomfortable around someone who is terrified of taking up space and being authentic. It subtly communicates the message to them that you see them as a treat and that's not exactly a compliment. Healthy people WANT others to have boundaries because people with boundaries and preferences are inherently easier to be around and allow others to be themselves too.

[hoddtoward]

“Allow others to experience you, not what you provide for them” is hitting me hard because my first impulse is, what I provide for others IS who/what I am. If I’m not providing for them, then what is there to experience? Not sure how to process that one, but definitely need to process it. I think I don’t have a sense of self or identity, I only see myself as what I can contribute. And at this stage in my life of chronic illness, I receive far more than I am able to give, and it’s been a huge point of self loathing that I have nothing to give or can’t reciprocate.

[kt]

“Killing them with kindness is beneath you”- I really needed to hear this one. Now I need to put it in practice

[zentient]

"People pleasing is enjoyed by those who take advantage." Now I know that I need MUCH stronger boundaries!

[euchiron]

"Allow people to experience you, not what you provide." Well, that hit very deeply - exactly where it should.

[isobeltotten]

i'm currently living with a woman who got out of an abusive home recently and the roleplay at the beginning was EXACTLY how she talks. i thanked her for cleaning the sink recently and she responded by apologizing that she hadn't cleaned the rest of the bathroom. hope she becomes more comfortable as things go on because she deserves to be.

[annatheres]

“Navigating the world without an adult behind you” was terrifying growing up. I feel like I lack a lot of things now on top of battling CPTSD.

[julesfalcone]

9:45 "Give 80% instead of the 120% you're used to." - That's what I've been doing lately. It makes life a lot easier.

[andianderson]

Even that question “do you navigate people?” causes me so much discomfort and shame. Because the very fact that it’s a question means NOT doing it is an option which blows my mind while simultaneously causing me to realize it probably shouldn’t blow my mind.

[inathi]

I woke up one day in the past few weeks to my inner child being gone. That energy body within me that formed in my childhood, that used to run my life is integrated into the rest of me. I'm no longer reactive to every day situations, I don't get triggered and I can communicate to others much more effectively. My inner child has dissolved through doing a lot of this work consistently. I caught myself the other day instinctively enacting my boundaries with someone who was breadcrumbing me and trying to get me to self-abandon to meet their needs. Thats the same behaviour I would have accepted a year ago and responded to by codependently trying to please. I was so surprised with myself. I didn't recognize this new version of me. It made me so proud. My body is markedly more relaxed. I don't get adrenalized and the constant tightness in my belly and my stomach problems have all but disappeared. I no longer have crippling social anxiety on a daily basis. I can talk to strangers without feeling like crawling into myself. I feel so at ease. I feel so in control of my inner world and so at peace. This is why life felt so miserable and difficult before, because my inner world was so chaotic and reactive. I never imagined I could live in this state. This work is so rewarding❤

[JuniperLynn]

I did this to my therapist once when she asked when to schedule our next meeting. I gave her the whole song and dance, like “does this work for you? If not I understand, it was my fault we missed a week, blah blah”. She said “Gennifer, I’m not an ogre 😏Next time, just tell me what works and it will be way faster for us both”. Totally put it into perspective for me! I am safe now, I don’t have to walk on eggshells with everyone in my life like I did as a child.

[BekSep]

That moment when he said "I'm proud of you" by validating my childhood survival traits slammed me so fast and so hard, I started crying out of nowhere and had to stop the video for nearly 30 minutes. How POWERFUL that childhood validation is. My nerves are already shot. I will come back to this later...

[astrawby]

The part about fulfilling others' needs without knowing our own hits so close to home...

[shaunbarrios]

What i love about this guy is that he knows what he's talking about from experience, not just based on books read.

I've been in therapy a number of times and have only had one good therapist. I felt with other therapists that they think they have you all figured out because they've talked with you a couple times and would tell me why i do certain things and they couldn't have been farther from the truth.

Thanks for your videos!!!

[AJ-]

I think a very large part of the grief in healing from parental narc abuse, codependency and people pleasing is the realization of the extraordinary amount of time, effort, energy, talent and sacrifice was so misdirected & wasted. I was conditioned to believe my life was to serve. And I did, exceptionally well.

But instead of getting to take pride in a job well done, achievement or praise or accolades or rewards for all of that time, effort, creativity and sacrafice, to find that it was really misdirected, maladaptive and literally a waste of much of my life makes the enormous grief at the realization that much more painful.

[deborahd]

I'm tearing up a little bit listening to this. My childhood and now my marriage. Please pray for our healing. 😢

[mooncarrotarts]

“Head em off at the pass” is basically my entire personality in a nutshell. I will perfectly position myself, make sure all the dominos are lined up with 10 contingencies, before I express myself. I always feel like I’m not “allowed” to be upset with someone else if I myself am not absolutely perfect. I make sure I have a prepared answer for everything and anticipate how I believe the other person will react to best keep the peace while making sure eyes aren’t on me. If I air a grievance I make sure to ask over and over if it isn’t actually MY fault they messed up (a huge problem at work). I would never “bother” my husband with anything because I didn’t want him to feel “obligated” to me, so I would always make excuses for him. I would try to make things easier for others while over complicating things, then have an absolute meltdown if anything messed up or someone got annoyed. Its the hardest codependent habit to break and I don’t know if I’m ready to yet, tbh. It feels safe.

[botdushka]

Race can also play a huge role in this. As a BW I feel so unsafe most of the time that I end up having to do damage control to people who don’t even realize they’re displaying animosity towards me. It can be through my dehumanization (r*cist jokes that don’t make me laugh, stereotyping my people and myself by asking me if some stereotypes are real and act clueless, refusing confrontation when I decide to question outwardly their motives). Often times, our very valid reactions to agression are turned against us by the group we are facing so there are times where we feel too tired to even advocate for ourselves. That’s when autopilot mode comes into play and we simply navigate situations without really attaching ourselves to them or their outcomes.