When people show up who they are believe them the first time. Narcissist will weaponize your empathy

[gigicooper]

My dear grandmother told me this well before this was a popular phrase…when people show you who they are BELIEVE them.

[addy]

"Access to you is earned." YES. Lee, thank you for saying exactly what gets in and gives me strength. I appreciate you so much.

[midnightpaperparty]

"Some people are praying for you, and others are preying on you." I am certain there are many in between those extremes, but this word play is a good reminder of the potential range of people's intentions towards you.

[mitzikay]

"Access to you is EARNED." Mic drop...

[tinajo]

So true. I went back so many times and nothing ever changed actually it got worse.

[grovermartin]

Good advice, as always, Lee. One difficulty for those of us who were raised by narcissists is a degree of narcissism blindness. I'm not unaware of the red flags, they just don't alarm me. My own red flag!

[AngelPyra]

Exactly! I wish I had learned this sooner.

[juliah]

OMG...I love this. I need to listen to this every single morning. Thank you, Lee. Your videos have helped me heal a lot. Hope you're healing too.

[IndorilTheGreat]

Yup. That's a hard lesson I learned. One of my first interactions with my ex was her pushing and breaking my boundaries, and then getting angry with me for being upset.

I didn't have the verbiage for it at the time, but now that I know about and how to establish boundaries, it's my first line of defense and "early warning sign" against toxic people.

[INFJ_Pisces]

access to you is EARNED. wise words, indeed and i never thought of it as straightforward as that. lee, you’ve become like my friend i can go to about my ex, saying the words i long to say, & helping me to understand all the mess. sure there’s a million channels about this, but i appreciate your take as self-aware, and the literal flags & signs you use. thanks so much for sharing on such a personal and profound subject

[aprillewis]

This!!!! Believe them the FIRST time!! 🙌🏾🙌🏾

[gracelee]

Yes!!! Access to you is earned! Thank you!

[brokenBDA]

Boundaries are a good way to keep them away. Because 9/10 times they will avoid you! Unfortunately that 1/10 narc... god they are hard to get rid of.

[trickyzenmom]

Thank you!!! Finally someone else said it! 👏🏽 Trust is EARNED. It takes TIME to discern who to trust. Watch what others DO. And believe them. 😉 This video/advice is priceless, Lee!!!

[DrikaBaby]

I just tried the gray rocking technique with my kiddos dad.. 😂 He tryna go in depth with things... Not today buddy!!

[carolfaycox]

That's my favourite quote of hers. I miss her wisdom.

[light]

Bless you for this, man! I hope you get better and better in your healing process!

[terri]

❤ I have been dealing with this for 8 years. Still in it. Thought he had bipolar until I started listening to you. It has help me to understand what I’m dealing with. Treats me like shit. Verbally and mentally abusive. Was physical. Couldn’t care less about me. Can’t talk to him. Arguing for years and then comes the love bombing. Cursed my children. I have no friends. No one to talk to. I need help

[beverlywilliams]

Omg Lee i needed to hear this today it really helps me learn the things I needed to know in the beginning, when I left the first time and then I came back he was like oh my prayers are answered

[Ellebw]

Thank you for this post…. I needed a friendly reminder !