These Are The 3 Types Of Perfectionism @Mizkif

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[InvertedGoblin]

I love seeing these clips where Dr K is talking to someone in person. It's a different vibe.

[haydenlee]

I suffer a lot of the 3rd perfectionism..

Society's expectation is absolutely ridiculous. Just look at entry level positions requiring Master's Degree and 5+ years of experience of EXACTLY THAT WORK YOU'RE APPLYING FOR. It's freaking ridiculous. You don't even have to get social media involved in it. All you need to do is look at the job market and job listings

[Thomas_Winters]

I’m definitely #3
It doesn’t help that we can’t afford proper housing by ourselves. If we have mental issues we can’t afford to fix then we’re screwed.

[kikijewell]

I stressed once (before FB even) that I didn't belong in my circle. And a friend pulled me aside and said, "sure, that person is making a short film, that other person is teaching rock carving, and this other person is going on outdoor adventures. And you might think everyone is doing all of those things. But those people aren't doing those things all of tge time. And lots of people aren't doing much of anything at all. You do some cool things too. You belong here."

That helped me put a perspective on it.

[Shadrio]

I feel like hustle culture and social media really affects this perceived notion that one must be effectively "perfect". Everyone's working their asses off and grinding so hard to be the best worker possible and man, I just want to rest, but social media constantly brings up everyone else's "achievements" to the point I'm just using Youtube now and avoiding talking about work like the plague.

I studied to have a job to live, I don't want to and never intended to live to work. And yet that's how the past few years have felt.

[lonefaolan]

“No one’s life is like that” (now that’s an encouraging quote)

[miehaga]

I feel all 3. I have a high standard to myself and I tend to be too harsh on myself. I try to be perfect for my boyfriend because I’m scared of losing him. I have unreasonable pressure to my myself that I have to be worthy to society.

[LiveLearnGame]

This reminds of a concept from pedagogy about the three different frames of reference to compare yourself to when learning something new: 1. your former performance (individual) 2. your peers (social), 3. a standard (factual).

Now, we neither want to have engineering graduates with various "standards" concerning safety, nor do we divide our friend group into two unequal teams when playing sports (social contract).

Of course our brain does not differentiate between academic standards vs. socetial standards/expectations. In both cases, not achieving those, could mean being "exiled" from an in-group.

Generally speaking, if there is no actual need for a standard, comparing yourself to what you learned yesterday, your past achievements etc. is the best way to go!

And nobody has to navigate life alone! Reach out and remind others about how far they came in life and reflect on yourself as well. Strive to ACT better, but you ARE good enough.

[RegisteredLobster]

The internet has exposed us what sort of near-perfection is possible in almost every skill set. Witnessing someone juggling knives, someone making perfect jokes, or just successful in any manner feels like the bar has been raised so high to an impossible standard for the average person.

But in reality we don’t witness the hundreds/thousands of hours of failure that allowed them to reach that point, and in most cases those level of perfection are way too extreme to be worth chasing. It’s hard to let go of the idea of becoming the best (or even just great) in something you dream about and instead just settling for something that makes you happy because that feels like you’re giving up.

[alansun]

I feel like I relate a lot with the third one. I always feel like I need to be highly accomplished in whatever I do. And it’s either I’m one of THE best and THE accomplished in that field or mid

[flumphflumph]

3 and/or 2. I can do something nice like donating to charity with money I've earned working night shifts but I don't emotionally accept that I've done a good thing as to avoid building an ego or a sense of pride so I just feel like whatever action I take just equates to a "meh".

[vee]

I think it has less to do with social media and more to do with how our schooling system works. If you ever struggle with anything in school and get bad grades, you’re effectively punished for it and labeled “inadequate” by that C, D or F, and will likely get in trouble with your parents at home. Support and flexibility aren’t given nearly as much as criticism and shame. So, we learn early on that we’re expected to be perfect AND that we either cannot achieve that perfection, or can only achieve it by making ourselves utterly miserable and exhausted. So we give up, and the cycle repeats itself. This is especially true if you have something like ADHD, since you can’t always “just do it”, “just pay better attention” or “just try harder” like everybody tells you to when you mess up.

[radicant]

All of our employers expect us to be perfect

[hampusgranberg]

I think Social Media is responsible for the increase of the 3rd group. Seeing all the happy and exciting lives on Instagram, all the discussions and rage on Twitter, all the happy families on Facebook, and all the job related stuff on LinkedIn, puts a lot of expectations subconsciously in us the more we engage with it.

[CompHuman]

Wow, I'm definitely in number 3.
There are a lot of things I lack, but n society would be considered normal. Also, going downhill in things you were once good at, like after transitioning from high school to college where it's 100x confusing, making you mess everything up. It makes you think you are a "failure". Well that's what I'm right now, a failure. Yet, I still didn't give up because I believe I didn't give all of my potential and ideas to fruition.


Alright now I will go back bed at 6 AM while I'm having an assignment that needs to be done by today's afternoon.

[kylestanley]

I was always more like #1. I have expectations of myself. It conflicts very strongly with my low work ethic, and that results in frequent dissatisfaction.

[hansonel]

I'm #2 and #3. Trying hard to fix this since perfectionism is leading to inaction, anxiety and depression (if I can't do it perfectly why try at all? Mixed with society expects me to be perfect in all areas of life which is unachievable completely insane)

[Langtw]

It's definitely #3 for me. I think it has nothing to do with social media, everything to do with the capitalism/the economy. The messaging from employers is always either "You aren't good enough" or "you aren't good enough, but we'll give you a chance out of the goodness of our heart"

[gideonwilliams]

It really is unachievable though, it's not just in peoples' heads. At my last job, the only people that didn't get fired worked 50+ hours/week, every week. I can barely work the minimum 40 and that burns me out after 3 months. It is a level of expected perfectionism that requires you to not have any semblance of a life.

[mateuscardoso]

I knew it, one thing that I be thinking recently is that in my young year, I was born in 92, the kids wanted to be considered strange, being the outcast group was somewhat hype, I've noticed that youngs, maybe 2000's onwards, wanted to be included and accepted as much as possible. Very interesting.