what nobody tells you about studying abroad (the hard parts)

thanks for clicking on today's video. I really want to emphasize that not everyone's exchange experience is going to be the same, but I can tell you this... it's not all perfect. I've had an especially rough time recently and although this video is negative, it's honest and it's really how I've been feeling. I hope this video can give you some insight on things to take into consideration before going on exchange. exchange is a beautiful thing that offers so many amazing life experiences but you do need to be mentally prepared for when things get tough. thanks again for watching!

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I hope you enjoyed and thanks again for watching!
- Caroline Ruby

[Himel_Debnath]

The worst part is that, it doesn’t matter how funny and friendly you are. At some point you’ll realise that you’re not included and then you stop trying to fit in.

[younggriff]

I think that's a really important topic to talk about. I've studied abroad twice in the US in college and here are some tipps for anyone reading this if you struggle with belonging:
- Most international students I know don't meet friends in their classes. At best you meet acquaintances but if you want to connect with local students you need to consider extracurriculars
- Volunteer at a local place. Even if you don't speak the language perfectly you could volunteer to work with animals or refugees or any other place. You'll meet people who are engaged and usually outgoing and friendly
- get a part-time job if your visa allows. Not only will that get you some money but co-workers can become friends.
- Take a language class, they are usually offered by schools or universities and you can improve your skills and meet people who are going through the same struggle. Also use language apps like Mango to study at home.
- learn an instrument
- ask your school to connect you with other international students. Most likely you aren't the only one
- mediate on your feelings. Recognize that your experiences, both good or bad are temporary and you will meet your friends and family again

[kristingillett]

The former exchange student in me says: Yes! I can totally relate to all those feelings! (And your German is waaaayyyy better than mine was back then!) And, strange as it might seem, you'll look back after your year is over and you will hardly remember the low points. The German teacher in me says: You are doing an amazing job, and it will get better, and it will all be worth it. Reach out if you need/ want resources or support. The mom in me just wants to give you a mug of cocoa and a hug.

[jameslewis]

Hi. I'm 74 and can totally relate to what you're experiencing and expressing in this video because I was once an exchange student at your age in a very rural part of northern Costa Rica, way back in 1964. Unlike you, I could speak the local language fluently then, so my culture shock wasn't quite like yours, but I still experienced much of the same odd disconnect you are describing. I post here because I want to encourage you to fully embrace and absorb everything that's going around you—good, bad, boring, different, fun, etc. because this wonderful experience is shaping your life going forward in ways that you cannot possibly imagine right now. I really admire your candor and self-reflection, and your appreciation of family. All of it will serve you well in the future. One day, you will look back at your FB posts with fondness and appreciation of the memories and experiences you are recording. I wish I could have done so, but back then the sweet little family who welcomed me into their home had no car, telephone or postal service. Bottom line: my high school exchange student experience totally shaped my future—one that has been exciting, rewarding and gratifying in countless ways. So, hang in there, go with the flow—and fully enjoy your time in Germany! When you're 74, you'll understand why. 🙂

[claudiakarl]

1. Even without the current Covid situation, this time of year is a time of traditions. Experiencing it do differently might add to your homesickness.
2. Your experience of being boring: we Germans are different. Smalltalk isn‘t in our genes, so in school most will stick to their close group of friends.
3. If you watch streamend stuff: watch the dubbed version with English subtitles (I learned Dutch that way 😉)
4. Read. Read. Read. In those boring classes read books you really like in German translation.
5. Swimming: Frankfurt has quite a number of swimming clubs (Schwimmvereine). And if you live in place that has a public pool there might be also a Schwimmverein which you could join. And if there isn’t, train on your own for a while.

Have a good pre-Christmas time and Christmas and (hopefully) enjoy the different traditions that we have.

[ashleyjennings]

Caroline I’m so proud of your honesty. thank you for sharing this with everyone, I think we are all definitely feeling this in some type of way so to see it being shared between all of the happy memories is extremely relieving. Love you so much

[lenam]

It's so interesting that I feel the exact same way in so many things that you. I'm from Germany and I'm doing my exchange year in the US right now. It's really frustrating to see how others just live the exchange student dream and adjusting so easy. For me it's so hard finding (good)friends and I often feel alone. Your video helped me a lot and showed me that I'm not alone with my feeling. Thank you so much for that ❤

[bricali]

Im 16 as well, and tonight is my first exchange night and I was already struggling hardly. This helped me calm down to sleep, thank you so incredibly much for bringing this to light❤️❤️

[DramaQueenMalena]

Just do what you're doing. Figuring out who you are and who you want to be. I know it's hard but you will profit from it for the rest of your life.
Part of becoming an adult is to find out what makes you happy. I'm not sure but it sounds like you always do what is expected from you, what society or family think it's good for you. I was that way so maybe I'm only projecting. Good grades, cute, very polite, always funny and helping others, always people pleasing, never upsetting.
I luckily spent 6 months in Italy when I was 18. It was hard - I felt like you feel now - but I came back stronger. I'm almost 50 now and I live an unconventional life doing what makes me happy not what other people think would make me happy. I learned how to figure out what I really want and who I really am during my time abroad. And I learned that I have to do this constantly because I change.

[stevega]

random thoughts from someone once been in a similar: if you try to fit in, conversations are rarely deep. that makes it hard to make friends. But I think making some new close friend is better than being 'a star' with lots of people liking you. for activity, a lot of people recommend to enjoy biking culture in germany, it's even when real 'lockdown' kicks in, this will be possible. For the food, dont be shy to ask for an experts help!! the situation is hard for you but the situation will get better. just make the most of it and keep doing things as long as you can. bye

[hallief]

I am in the same exact situation as you were. I'm in Portugal right now, and at first it was incredible, exciting and fun. Now that I've settled in, I'm falling into the same thing as you- lacking motivation for classes, binge eating, loneliness and homesickness. I'm struggling to enjoy this experience even though I know I should be so grateful for it. I'm having trouble even getting myself to leave my apartment because I just don't have to.

[HH-hdnd]

I don't think "bored of you" is the right phrase. It's more like you started as the exotic person from elsewhere on the planet and now you are a normal part of their lives and they see you every day at school.

I think all language barrier issues will diminish over time. Think about how far you've come in just 4 months of learning German - and then think about how much your language skills will improve over the next months and where you'll be at the end of the exchange.

Home sickness is always an issue especially around christmas.

Have you considered joining a sports club? Even though there's no school sports there's a lot of sports clubs - that's just how it is in Germany. I'm sure there's a sports club in your town that you can join. Yes, Covid may restrict some activities but there should still be options.

[orhildurhelga]

Im on my Exchange in Germany and just came 1 week ago and I’m already feeling very homesick and have been since I came. I didn’t know it would be this hard especially on the first days. I just wanna come home but at the same time I know I can do this. But it will take time and these kind of videos help me. Thank you ❤️

[ashleyjennings]

Also, If I had seen this video before my exchange it definitely would not have deterred me and probably would have made me feel a bit more comfortable knowing that things can go wrong but the world will still turn and there are no perfect expectations to live up to for my year. So thanks for sharing with all of the future CBYXers

[johnsherwood]

I understand your plight, having been on exchange in Germany (albeit as an adult). It’s hard to meet German friends. Their friend groups develop over years, often decades. You might consider language exchange—meeting with people who need to improve their English (they could be students or professionals), helping them, and then having them try to help you with your German. The approach is generally through conversation but you can do written exercises as well. You can meet in person or via video chat. I have a German friend here who is having some similar struggles. Hang there. Next semester will fly by and your spirits will improve as the weather gets better. For exercise, try running outside or cycling. I cycled a lot in Germany and it did wonders for my morale. Germany has wonderful cycle routes.

[gracelianggg]

I am getting ready to leave to study abroad in Spain this spring and this is the first video I’ve seen that actually talks about the hard stuff. I really appreciate your honesty and vulnerability!

[sametozcan]

Honesty is generosity because transparency for sharing your experiences can make other people live similar paths more smoothly and meaningfuly. Very insigthful and realistic, sth mostly missing on social media👏🏻

[jakeindeutschland]

This was such an honest insight into the reality of a year abroad as an exchange student. Keep on persevering and trying to find activities you like!

[kirshkid]

Im an American and moved to Germany 5 years ago for studies, and I know your struggle all too well. I felt ashamed that I couldn't speak German, so when I would speak German, it was broken and when I would speak English, you could feel that I had a hint of shame that I wasn't able to express myself in German. This self-shame lead to me feeling completely unknown because I would not give myself permission to be fully me.

It wasn't until I gave myself permission to speak English and not feel ashamed until I was able to show my true colors and make friends. Once people saw who I actually was, when I would try to speak German with them, they would be more patient because they knew the real me because I already showed who I am in English.

It is normal to feel like a completely different person when you speak another language. It happens to everyone until their language proficiency is strong enough which takes a while (I still need to switch to English if I need to externally process something).

My suggestion in a nutshell: Make friends by speaking in English to show who you are, and then practice your German with them - this way you work on your German, but are able to feel seen. It also increases your acquaintance's patients with you since they are able to see who you actually are first, and they have a better context for you trying to work on your beginner level German with them..
Also, find something you're interested in and participate in that and then repeat the first step of showing yourself in the English language and then transition to German.

[Propeller]

Hey Caroline, it is really impressive that you deal so open and honest with your feelings and experiences here. It is hard to watch your motivation fading. But it is absolutely understandable. An exchange program is always a big thing, not easy to manage. And within this COVID-19-pandemic it is even more complicated. Most people hate the restrictions, most pupils are struggling with the mandatory mask wearing. You are getting the combined negative effects of both things. Even now, getting closer to christmas, it must be hard to miss your family. But you are really strong. If you are looking for a kind of thing to do in your freetime, why don't you try to help german pupils with the english classes and homework for example? There are learning studios here in Germany, maybe this could be something for you? Attending a gym is a really good idea. Many people have the weight problems, especially during COVID-19, me too. I can give you only one advice: Act in a way that makes you feel good! You should be the most important person in that program from your perspective. I know you have good chances to finish the exchange regularly, as we can see you German improving and so on. BUT if the moment comes when you say you won't be able to handle this anymore, in that case you should stop. Without being ashamed, because there is no reason to feel ashamed. Try to enjoy the christmas time here in Germany and watch what it does with you. I cross my fingers for you, and I am quite sure you will get through this. Additionaly, you have 13.000 followers here, all of them supporting you, so you are not alone. I wish you really all the best! :)