More African Marriages Are Breaking Up Abroad. Here Is Why African Marriages failing in Diaspora

More African Marriages Are Breaking Up Abroad. Here Is Why African Marriages failing in Diaspora

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[rikayangu]

Thanks for a brilliant vlog, personally I think the problem can be our families we left in Africa( the inlaws from both sides)
For most of us who come abroad, before you leave Africa, family will tell you something like "you know how our family is, please when you reach there abroad, don`t forget your sisters and brothers' education" so you reach abroad, you still do not even know how to make money, there are already calls regarding school fees.
I think this is a big, big issue.

[bluegate]

You've said it all my dear. Life abroad is hard, different from what is obtainable here at home. If you're not willing to make sacrifices and compromise, then your relationship is likely go south. Well done for the good job you are doing.

[Ifeoma.]

Your thoughts are all valid Tochi. I have told myself that I will not pick an extra shift on a Sunday unless it is very very necessary. We need to be intentional about family time. It can never be overemphasised

[Chinweubaa]

Well said and timely. My warm regards to your Husband. We served together during our NYSC days. My family and I just relocated to the UK.

[Nkechi]

Thanks so much Tochi, you really did a great job by pointing out all these. You nailed it.

[menvicstudio]

Great points. I think home keeping and finance are the two most challenging aspects of living abroad as a family with especially young children. The way I see it, every serious couple need to sit down and have a discussion regarding how they wish to run their home abroad. I believe one spouse should lead the home front while the other spouse lead the bread winning. Then both should help out in both aspects (home and income). The person leading the home front knows that the home is their priority and the person leading the bread winning knows that making enough money for the family is their priority. For this to work though, there should be no "my money"/ selfishness and both need to be genuinely interested in working as a team. Also, trying to make all the money in the world is a family killer. Money is not everything. Your home, sanity and peace of mind cannot be equated to money.

[bukolaayeni]

You're so gentle and Patient Tochi, I believe your husband loves you more.

[bunmiroseline]

Thanks Tochi, I hope men will watch and listen to your piece, you've said it all. Nigeria men are something else, the mentality of am the head caused a lot of problems. If any man needs to follow her wife abroad, he should undergo training about what would be expected of him to do when he get there. Thank God women's interest is priorities abroad.

[ismailasuleiman]

1. Abusive spouses/Freedom/Protection of women right

-- Yes, this becomes an absolutely eye opener for an abusive spouse, realizing that it is no longer business as usual especially the way it was back home. I am more of an advocate of everybody's right has to be protected - Men, women and children. Even though the emphasis of your video is on women and children being the vulnerable ones which is ok there are also instances of men being abuse verbally, emotionally, psychologically and sometimes physically too. There are instances of women even killing their husbands/partners hence the need to protect everyone in a marriage.

With respect to freedom, the truth remains that many marry today for lots of different reasons except the right ones that is why it sometimes feels like a bondage which they want to be free from eventually. This ought not to be. Also, there are many marriages that ought not to have happened in the first but when the parties involved ignore the warning signs because of temporary emotional attachments and infatuation, they ignore the red flags only to begin to feel trapped once the emotional fog begins to clear off. I personally believe its more about individuals than environment. If marriages are rooted in godly principles and both parties individually submit to those principles regardless of how they feel, then the marriage will thrive and survive every adversity even if it is not perfect.

Please be it a woman or a man, you have absolutely no business being married if you are not ready to sacrifice, be patient, endure and kill your ego/pride.

2. Chores

In my opinion, i think there is absolutely nothing wrong in how house chores are being handled in African likewise the way it is being handled in Europe. What is wrong is when you have a working wife and you still expect her to come home and take care of all the house chores and also take care of the kids. The moment you both decides that your wife or partner should work, you have by implications put yourself up to share the chores with her. A man must support and compliment his spouse on all front including house chores especially if she works too. If you don't want to support your spouse in the area of chores, then be ready to absolve her from all form of paid employment or work. You must be ready and willing to be the only one providing for the family, and you must never nag her or complain about it. You must also be ready to meet all her needs. This was the way it was back home during the times of our parents. Decision such as these must be mutually agreed to by both parties right even before the marriage or in the marriage and must not be forced on the other.

3. Money

This is a very important subject . Whatever work for both parties is what should be adopted. The most important thing is this, money decisions must be mutually agreed on by both parties. They must also be comfortable with their decision. They must be sincere, open and true to each other in this regards otherwise it won't work. What works for "Family A" might not work in "Family B". There must be constant and periodic reviews of their money issues to accommodate their new and current realities.

4. No pressure to stay married

The truth in my opinion is this, there is nothing right or wrong about being married or staying single. That a society doesn't pressure one to remain married especially in an difficult or challenging marriage or partnership doesn't mean they are absolutely right likewise a society that preaches endurance in the face of marital challenges are not also wrong. What matter most is the individual involved and the nature of the challenge. Like i said earlier, there are marriages that shouldn't have been in the first place hence their many problems. Once the foundation be destroyed, there is absolutely nothing much that can be done building upward. How marriage or partnership are initiated or born can say alot about its longevity and survival. The principles that govern such union is also key ingredient which cannot be ignored. Marriage is one the best project of God in this earthly realm and is wired to last when roles respected, principles are imbibed, love is truly understood, character is constantly being improved upon and sacrifice is sincerely being embraced.

It is not about the UK, Nigeria or anywhere else. It is more about the individuals.

Thank you.

[uviegbiyede]

I think you nailed it. Very explicit and properly explained. Thanks

[suzanagye]

Bam! Sis you are too good for me God bless you

[aanuefunnuga]

Opposite shifts has it’s advantages & disadvantages, may🙏🏽God continue to guide us and we spend “most our times at work”😞if you know you know, good👍point Tochi.

[avwerosuoghenedolor]

To my understanding, everybody (Man & Woman) should do what is right, both home and working. And love will still remain within the family.

[sarahsan]

Abroad is very difficult honestly, without being patient one might find it difficult to cope with the way of life, Good vlog, keep it up dear.

[pateljuma]

Our African Men, want always to be on top of the Women, they want everything on the table, and they restrict Women etc, unless both Women and Men start saying everybody is important in life, not ton dominate one another, and above all we are not open, every earning must be declared and you plan together but most Men do not want that, we need to support every activities Men please start learn cooking, washing etc

[omooyebolaji]

Patience and Understanding....that is the word.

[Chiquita-lqgo]

All excellent points. Also just to add another one, cheating is less tolerated abroad.

[merryshuttle]

Basic truth Tochi, you said it as it is🥰 always love you analysis and contents. I feel Communication plays a big role in every aspect.

[velocitymediavelocitymedia]

Nothing, I repeat, Nothing will ever make me to be an international student to start with. I can't depend on my wife to be paying school fees for me while I depend on her. I'll rather her go to school while I maintain the status of been a provider. Madam can have lots of money due to her high paying job, it's a plus and achievement for me. But you see that her money? I prefer my own small money. It's not a competition but a lifelong commitment. Why will a man depends on his wife's money in the first place.? Its not a matter of pride, it's my honest opinion

[ifeyinwaogoamobi]

Some of Nigeria men are chronic lazy they want to maintain African mentality that women will work, do house chores, and still feed them, wash their clothes as usual in Nigeria
How can it work
May God deliver Some of them that are lazy