When You FINALLY Realize They're A Covert Narcissist #narcissism #narcabuse

Is Becoming A Trauma Informed Coach YOUR Calling? Next Certification Program Begins: June 2023

I am always looking to add more value to my services -so I am soooo excited to let you know that anyone that joins DURING THE MONTH OF MAY - the Trauma Informed Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coach Training that begins in June.....

Will receive 2 months FREE Access to Thrivers School of Transformation (This is a savings of $239.97) but not only does it save you money... it also strengthens YOUR OWN trauma recovery journey.

Doing the inner work FIRST is sooo important and helpful as it allows us to be able to hold a safe space for our clients without being triggered. If we are unable to hold that safe space - we run the risk of harming others.... and that is something we would NEVER want to do!!!!

There are only 20 seats available in the class...... will you be using YOUR post traumatic growth to pay it forward and help others????

I will leave the link here for you to check it out and see if it's a good fit for you:

If you don't feel ready yet to help others and want to do a deep dive into your own recovery journey and prefer working ONE ON ONE w/ Michele utilizing the modalities she mentions in this video - here's the link for a 3 Month Deep Dive designed to help you experience lasting change:

#narcissisticabuserecovery #cptsdrecovery #complexptsdrecovery #lifecoach #emotionalhealing #childhoodtraumarecovery #thriversschooloftransformation #traumarecovery #narcissisticvictimsyndrome #complexptsd #emotionalhealth #mentalhealth #personaldevelopment #depression #anxiety #innerchildhealing #cptsdrecovery #emotionalhealth #personaldevelopment #dissociation #emotionaltrauma #shorts #cptsd #emotionalabuse

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The statements on this YouTube channel or in videos are simply opinion. Content presented or posted on this channel is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment or a professional therapeutic relationship. Content presented or posted is intended to provide general health information for educational purposes only and you should contact the appropriate healthcare professional before relying on any such information.

[rachelyeshua]

Oh my gosh, literally me. I was raised by a family of narcissists. Poked and prodded my whole life. No surprise why I wound up marrying an abusive controller. I’m a grown woman and my siblings still treat me the same way. They have only mutated into a different form of toxicity. But still nothing has changed. I still walk away from them like as though I’d just left a battle zone. Feeling the repercussions and damage they’ve inflicted on me for days, weeks, months and sometimes even years to come. I can’t stand them and want to disown them all!! I am tired of attending family functions. It’s not healthy for my mental health and well-being in the long run. They are the cancer and I need to cut it out.

[helsphoenix]

I brought my gaslighting covert narc mother to therapy and just let her talk and in the end she was adamant that she didn't gaslight and the therapist was like...actually based on your own story of events you do. Lol It was glorious. Went in one ear and out the other though.

Eventually, the therapist split us into private sessions and told me I would have to work on myself because she was never going to change, I'd just have to get myself in a good space to be able to deal with her. Mother took this splitting of therapy as a sign that I was the one with the problem, otherwise, "why would the therapist want to talk to you alone?"

I cut her out of my life 3 1/2 years ago now and don't know how I'll ever reorient my life after 40 years of being the scapegoat.

[SSR_LEON]

My ex gf is a covert narcissist.
The cycle starts with a truck load of love bombing, future plans and promises (future faking), they make you feel as if you're the best person in the world for them...and they're so blessed to have you.

Any person can fall for that, the when in relationship, after 4-5moths issues start.
All of them would be out of nowhere or very petty things like, "why didn't you reply to my story". You explain infact over explain, just to end the passive aggressive stages of silent treatment, indirect taunts.
At first you think what's wrong with them...but after multiple incidents, you ask the question, "what am i doing wrong?".
Things get worse for here, you become the bad person and everyone else becomes better than you... your needs are ignored, you're abandoned emotionally and mentally.

Then comes the, reactive abuse they will put you in such situations, say such things...you burst and this outburst is quoted in front of others...and now you're the bad person for everyone else.
Then comes the discard, they leave you....and it's very very likely for someone else. And the smear campaign starts, the indirect bullying starts.

In the end, you're fucked up!

[tomislavvisal]

After 7 years of crazymaking, I google searched "why does my partner feel a need to demean and ridicule me in front of others" ... 30 minutes later, and couple of videos like the ones you're making here (Thank you 🙏🤝), and all the dots got connected 👍👌.
Narc-free for over 4 years now 🎉🎊🎂.
Most difficult and painful, but at also probably the most important and valuable lesson of my life 🙏.

[laurengarrett]

I thought he had bipolar disorder and then a friend who is a nurse said it sounds like he is a narcissist. Then it clicked. A person with bipolar can't control their behavior but coverts act nice in front of others. That clinched it. After 3 years he finally moved out. It is so peaceful now.

[lanadavidson]

Hilarious when you said, "Did I send this in?". I had a similar response except I thought someone had been following us and observed everything that he was doing. It is amazing how they all do the same things. They must receive a handbook on how to be a narcissist!

[thegridrunner]

Great video.
We got married in 2001. By 2005, I knew I was dealing with some kind of disorder. I, too, looked at the DSM IV and several articles. Narcissism kept coming up but I knew my dad was a grandiose narcissist, it didn't line up. I found Borderline but she only checked about half the boxes so it never seemed like a good fit. I ended up abandoning my search for a diagnosis and tried to do what I could to prove I loved her and accepted her. I tried to boost her self-esteem. I dealt with the rages, apologized to end the arguments, did whatever she asked me, worked as much as I could to provide for her and our 4 kids (sole provider) and put no limits on what I was willing to do for her.
A year ago, exhausted, burnt-out and at my sanity's edge, I asked her: "What will it take to make you happy because nothing I've done has ever worked?"
She couldn't answer me. From that point on my guilt began to subside. I finally realized it was not me all these years. I used to think I was too stupid to get what she wanted from me. It turns out she never knew.
6 months ago, I Googled: "What is it called when someone apologizes sarcastically?"
Narcissism came up again. I still didn't see a correlation. Then I came across a video by Dr. Todd Grande about Covert Narcissists....
The scales fell from my eyes. I found the missing piece of the puzzle that I had been trying to put together for 17 years. Everything lined up perfectly.

Their skill at mental manipulation is almost supernatural.
One of our last arguments (which got a lot more frequent since my discovery of CoNarcs), I asked her 2 questions:
1. Is there anything you regret doing throughout our relationship?
2. Are you willing to fight for our marriage like I have had to all these years?
She couldn't answer either of them. A half hour more of arguing and I was begging her with tears in my eyes to at least acknowledge I've tried.
It took me a week to realize, I could not deal with her in a reasonable discussion because she would just continue to twist me around. A week later I demanded a divorce. I've been kicked out for a month now. The peace, though guilt-laden at times, is immeasurably healing.
You just have to walk away and refuse to engage them with any emotion. It is one of the hardest things to do but the most necessary step to escape the cycle.

[DarylSimpson]

Great video, there is nothing like a perfect marriage or relationship, I learnt that in everything there is always a solution, 5 years ago I and my wife divorced because we were having some difficulties in our marriage but we are back together, it was a really bad phase but we got through it

[angelm]

I spent years searching for why my mom was the way she was, thinking is this introversion, autism, depression, bipolar, PTSD, mid-life crisis, hormones/menopause or just a terrible person?? I learned about covert narcissism and vulnerable narcissism and everything clicked, her personality was explained and it uncovered a lot of manipulation, for example I was able to see my mom isolated us as children and manipulated us. She came from a big family that was close but we were never allowed to be a part of it, only seeing family on major holidays but we were outsiders. At my grandma's funeral I had learned about family vacations, Sunday dinners etc, it blew my mind bc we were made to believe my grandma was cold hearted and selfish. What she kept secret was my grandma was supporting her financially (she always pretended to be selfmade) and she wanted my grandma all to herself, her love and generosity while making us kids believe my grandma wanted nothing to do with us so we were actually mean to her and didn't get to form bonds 😭 ugh so many things I could go on!

[mastiffkevin]

The way I discovered my wife is a narcissist is she called me one. I had heard of narcissists before but didn’t know that much about it. So I began reading and watching YouTube videos like this one trying to find out if she was right. Once I began digging into it I soon found that it didn’t sound like me but sounded a lot like her! I found a therapist who specializes in narcissistic behavior. After talking to her, I was floored when she said “you know you’re a victim of emotional abuse right?” Since then I’ve been meeting with her and watching as much content about narcissism as I can. After the last blow up she had, I had enough! I filed for divorce. Now I’m scared at what she is going to pull through this divorce process. I know she has every intention of trying to clean me out financially. Hopefully the legal system won’t let me down. Any prayers you all have, please send them my way!

[christinehunt]

Always trust your intuition!!! Learn how to spot a manipulator/gaslighter
Pay attention to how they talk!! This is what personally saved me !

[Seeyoulater]

My wife of 8 years is a covert narcissist. In my scenario, while I was praising her to everyone in my life, at the same time she was running a smear campaign with my own, family, friends and also colleagues. My private life was exposed to my work. I was fully isolated. It is a living hell. They have no empathy and I believe are the most dangerous narc amongst all. No one believes me now including my own twin. They will eventually and even if not there is no way I am going to be with her. Working out around 2 hours a day made me stronger and made me realize that everything all these years is going out from my own house where she is enjoying making me paranoid and confusing my reality. Emotional regulation is a big thing here and it’s dangerous. It probably take me years to get back to normal. Good part is I am leaving her when I am in the best shape of my life by working out consistently for 13 months.

[georgefrazer]

Yes it takes years to figure out what is going on. They poke and poke and even turn everything around. The 'penny drops' and you 'have a light bulb moment'. Everything suddenly 'makes sense'. Naracism is a spectrum with naracist personality disorder being at the end of the spectrum. Thank you for this video.

[NikkiGRocksEver]

My ex best friend has something off about her. I watched videos about overt grandiose narcissists. She was a victim. She claimed to be an empath. She acted like a bully.

She wanted to start a business. I was emotional supportive and encouraging. She wanted me to work for her. When I told her no thank you. She changed and became meaner. She would do rage fits. She started gaslighting me. She gave me the silent treatment. She triangulated me with her other best friend who was doing the business. She was trying to control and manipulate me into doing the business.

I was concerned for her. I thought maybe she is bipolar or depressed or anxious. I did research online.

I found a video about the characteristics of being a covert narcissist. I had a huge epiphany. I felt betrayed. I have gotten rid of multiple overt narcissists and feeling empowered. Yet I had in my life a covert narcissist draining me.

I found a video multiple videos on how to get rid of covert narcissists. They are a lot more worse than overt narcissists. I made a plan to leave quietly and quickly. I blocked her and her people.

[ML]

Mine is similar to your story, but instead of a book in Barnes & Noble, it was your videos. I began researching about gaslighting, just trying to make some sense of my life and that led me down the YouTube rabbit hole, eventually hitting on female covert narcissism. Suddenly my marriage and childhood experiences were being described to me by others. Mind blown. Thank you for what you do, Michele.

[panfried]

after 20 years of confusion, her raging anger finally compelled me to search about abnormal anger, rage. Then it hit me and the fog lifted.
i was not just living with a difficult person, but there's a name for this. I was living with a covert narcissist.

It was a bitter-sweet moment. I now understood why nothing ever worked and why vulnerability, intimacy and love were not just absent, but impossible. She was just NOT capable.

Sad because change was not possible and nothing i do will make a difference. Hard choices had to be made. Abuse must stop.

[piorundip]

It took me few months to realize she was NPD

[Itsmeandthatsok]

OMG. I was researching on line, about childish behavior in adults. I seen this, in my husband, during a confrontation about his behavior and when covert narcissism came up. It was like holy Sh** !! finally an explanation to what was going on.

[jeffm]

I understand. After 30+ years of marriage, the light bulb went off about NPD. I always "tongue in cheek" treated her like a queen as a light-hearted dig. I realized that I was just throwing gas on the fire instead of my harmless pokes about how she acted. I didn't know such a thing even existed, because everyone is treated different and her flying monkeys think she hung the moon. Thank God for internet sites such as yours to educate us. The biggest hurt of all is knowing they don't really Love like a normal person and that one really hurt.

[merussell]

A few weeks back during an argument with the narc. I just blurted out “ you are a narcissist !” And he said “ Im not a narcissist “… instead of “what’s a narcissist?” That was interesting, and then I just kept digging and watching YouTube and it all became clear! Thanks for all you do!