Emi Mahmoud - No One Tells You How Easy It Is to Fall in Love or How Hard It Is to Stay There

Emi Mahmoud, featuring at Button Poetry Live, May 2017.

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[verala]

“The hardest part about watching you leave is that you can.” I am so sad but so grateful to find someone who speaks my thoughts out loud like she does.

[mallen]

"This must be how the Atlantic feels when she tastes the Pacific..." beautiful.

[paapipirate]

Nothing like slam poetry at midnight :')

[rainliketheweather]

Here's a transcription! It took a while! But thats okay, because i love this so much. ❤

the one you love sits across from you at
breakfast.
maybe it's your sister, or your
father, or the one who holds you closer
than any other person.
between you is the coffee, or your cell phone, or The Atlantic Ocean, or a pillow covered in your mother's tears.
Or your self-esteem again.
You just calm down, you feel the
truth claw its way out of your throat.
"Pass the butter, " you say, used to the part
where everyone asks how you are and you say "ok, " and they believe it.
Your survivor's guilt makes you apologetic.
"I talk a lot, sorry, "
"I think too fast, sorry, "
"I count the exits in a room as
quickly as I count the exits in a
conversation, sorry."
you try to control it, but that morning anxiety ties your lover to the bed and says "let's play."
she brings all her friends.
the trembling legs,
the sweaty palms,
the indoor voice,
your relationship.
you've only officially been awake for 15 minutes,
and you've already imagined every scenario of things that could go wrong. on this day,
there are still 20 minutes left until your alarm rings, so you imagine everything that will go wrong tomorrow.
then it rings.
when he smiles, the war packs her things
and says "I'm leaving."
the ceiling isn't inches from your face,
the walls stop closing in,
and you're back in Paris under that starless sky, you think about kissing him,
but the Imam walked in dangling salvation from the tip of his prayer beads, saying things about how God speaks
softly, and carries a big stick,
as if his sermons weren't phallic
enough already.
Then your mom brings eternal damnation
into the picture,
and temperature rises.
you're not sure if it's his eyes, or hell.
Heaven, hell, and adolescent hormones are picking you apart.
in that order.
you feel like a lie in that red dress, but you kiss him anyway,
and for a moment you can breathe without a ticking time bomb on your oxygen tank.
you recognize the irony of a Muslim with a bomb metaphor,
and pray to God the CIA can't hear your
thoughts.
the city falls away around you,
the night air feels like a summer harvest. the CIA, the Imam, and your
mother convene in the corner.
the Bible starts looking at you funny.
You kiss him again and think,
you kiss him again and think this must be how the Atlantic feels
when she tastes the Pacific.
on a breath of wind. but fear climbs down on your throat.
So he says it first, too soon, and too
quickly.
you listen anyway.
Bite down that thing you read somewhere, about how those who love first are the first to go.
when he looks at you, forget everything, spend the next eternity making up for not
saying it first.
Carry him the way the Nile carries Lake Victoria.
hold him the way a traveler hangs on to the Northstar.
Love him the way the Dead Sea loves
Mount Everest, how they enveloped the
peaks and troughs of this planet.
Let his best days sink into your worst, your worst days, into his best, and make home of this.
Every grain, every drop of water, every
body of land makes you think of him,
and you're both from the desert so you can't help but think you spent your entire
life at his mercy.
When he leaves you,
it doesn't stop raining.
you're left drenched in the desert, something you prayed for,
but with nothing to save the water.
you start to wonder if the continents ever call for each other on the cold nights,
or if Venus ever reaches for Saturn, or if the moon ever wants to come home.
I tried to forget you.
Sunk all your memories in the river,
but the waves keep tossing them back.
I want to believe that I'll see you again,
but we don't live long where I'm from. Venus is weeping in my arms.

the hardest part about watching you leave, is that you can.

anxiety ties you to the bed, the war
unpacks her things.

[cynhanrahan]

"I tried to forget you, but the waves keep tossing you back." This is a beautiful example of how our culture ties us to people who are not good for us, and we love them anyway.
Great poem, Emi.

[minarahman]

"Anxiety ties you to the bed. The war unpacks her things."

Bruh these people are so brave to perform their most vulnerable thoughts in front of an audience.
Beautiful poem and beautiful delivery.

[diamndsky]

"The hardest part about watching you leave is that you can." .. currently going through a breakup, this line somehow gutted me and healed me in the same breath. ❤️

[n.c.]

"i count the exits in a room as quickly as i count the exits in a conversation, sorry"

[danakanafina]

Whoever leaves a full text of the poem here is a saint

[khushbu_luhar]

"Those who love first are the first to go."

[hanaraihana]

"the hardest part of watching you leave, is that you can"

DAMN I FEEL IT

[alicebolen]

"The hardest part about watching you leave is that you can." Gets me everytime

[laureenlion]

"This must be how the pacific feels when she taste the atlantic on a breath of wind"
What a beautiful line♥️

[skyecalame-pennington]

So beautiful... both her and her words. Her soul resonates through her poems... wow... what a bittersweet journey... lovely

[ericamendoza]

I don't know, but I keep on hitting replay

[AntonioKowatsch]

Wow, this was heavy.
I wrote a love letter with a poem to my childhood sweetheart about a week ago. We haven't seen each other in over a decade but she responded and now we're planning a date together.
I don't think I've ever been this excited. She's the one for me. I know it.

[tramainens]

"the Bible starts looking at you funny." oh the shame and purity culture of the Abrahamic faiths. so damn relatable.

[shaziyasheikh]

When he leaves you it doesn't stop raining, you're left drenched in the desert... something you prayed for but nothing to save the water...❤️

[shelbywarren]

“The hardest part about watching you leave is that you can” this. This sums it all up perfectly.

[anxiety_disaster]

We loved each other so much
We were always there for each other
Through all of the good times
And all of the hard times
And there were hard times
But I stayed by his side no matter what
I stayed up till 4 in the morning
Just to make sure
That he would sleep soundly
Yet after all that I've done
He had an online girlfriend
For 4 months behind my back
What we had was special
But I regret so many things
I had so much anxiety around him
When we were younger...
I hid a lot of myself from him
I was so scared
I didnt want to look stupid
I wanted to look perfect
And I missed out on so many chances
There are so many things I wish I did
But was too scared to do it wrong
I didnt even try
There were so many opportunities
If I had that chance this time around
I would take it in a second
I would take that chance
I wouldn't lock myself away in fear
I wish I had another chance
All I could ever wish for
Is one more chance
To do all the things I wanted to do
But was too afraid
If I could have one more opportunity
To get it right
To be confident
To show him what he means to me
To be myself
I wouldn't hesitate