Stop this and stop some dementia caregiver suffering

Welcome to the place where I share dementia tips, strategies, and information for family members caring for a loved one with any type of dementia (such as Alzheimer's disease, Lewy Body dementia, vascular dementia, frontotemporal dementia, etc.)

So many Careblazers don't do things they would enjoy. Or, they decline opportunities they have. They do this out of guilt, worry, or simply because their brain. keeps offering them same excuses about how they can't leave their loved one, there's no other option, etc.

Listen to this video to learn about how your hesitancy to do things you enjoy is actually hurting your loved one and to learn some ways to start challenging your brain.

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Dealing with Challenging Behaviors:

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OTHER VIDEOS MENTIONED IN THIS VIDEO:
Find out: "why you should lie to your loved one with dementia"
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In case you haven’t met me, my name is Natali Edmonds and I am a board certified geropsychologist. That means that I am a clinical psychologist who specializes in working with older adults. One day, while hiking a trail, I came up with the idea for Careblazers and I decided to see if posting videos online could provide help to the many other Careblazers in the world who don’t get to have help come directly to them in their homes. I hope that this work helps you in some way on your caregiving journey.
#careblazer #dementia #dementiacare

[hairtiecoocoo]

This message came at the perfect time. I realized I have been neglecting myself, physically and emotionally. Yesterday, I made a decision to get back to myself and I appreciate this confirmation!

[georgerogan]

After 53years of blissful marriage and a wonderful family life my wife and I had to let go of each other's hands a year ago when she had to be relocated into Memory Care with advanced Alzheimer's which was diagnosed eight years ago. We still live in the same retirement home and I am a mere elevator ride away from her. Despite severe impairment of memory, cognition and speech she is always overjoyed to see me and spends most of her time waiting for me and asking the staff where I am. Her face lights up with happiness and her hugs are prolonged. "Parting is such a sweet sorrow" as Shakespeare put it and sometimes she will ask me who I am! Nevertheless, my sole objective now is to "live in the moment" and make each moment a joyful one. How do I ration my time with her when I know it is all the happiness that she has left? How do I enjoy the freedom that I have when I am away from her? Yes, I am struggling!

[theresamcgrew]

Hi, this is my life. I’m my husband’s sole caregiver, going on 4 years. I just recently asked a family member to come over 1 day a week while I go out. It’s only to get groceries or to just look around at our local dollar store, and I do find myself trying to hurry back home. It’s nice to get away for a short time, but it’s hard not to worry too. I feel all the emotions you mentioned, I’ve neglected my own health, but I realize I have to start taking better care of me. It’s just so hard, he depends on me for so much. Thank you for your kindness and knowledge, I really appreciate your information, .

[anngardner]

So true, we're not martyrs, we're caring for loved ones but even the best of us need breaks.

[Gill]

My brother and I are caring for our elderly mother. She is very confused, bedridden but still quite lucid at times. It tears me apart and the thought of nursing her for years is scary.

[patmelise]

Thank you for this. I am guilty of not doing anything because it is just much easier to not do it, and stay home, maintain our routine, and not have to deal with making all the arrangements. It’s easier to just stay home.

[cindypatrick]

This is so very true!!!
We’re caregivers but we’re only human.
I find it very therapeutic to get up 30 minutes before my dad does so I can spend some time watering my flowers and our garden and meditating on the Bible while admiring Gods creation around me 🙂.
Also by installing a camera system inside and outside dads trailer I am able to give him his independence while being able to check on him once in a while.
That allows me time to be at my house( steps away) and do whatever I need to do.
I am fortunate to have my husband who keeps an eye on dad while I’m gone sometimes.

[dougcropper]

My challenge is to get someone to be with my wife while I am out doing something. I hate to "play that card too She is not at the point I can leave her with strangers.
And when I am away, I constantly think " I need to get back home". I do not want to inconvenience my helpers any more than I have to

[joannestupak]

I find myself saying no to outside activities because I am too tired physically to even contemplate anything extra.

[iloveanimals]

You came from heaven with this message today....thankyou 🙏🏻🥰❤️

[redbird]

Dr. Natali, I've been caring for my wife for over 6 years (Alzheimer's Dementia), and appreciate your challenge to stop falling into the 'guilt trap' of not allowing ourselves some simple pleasures. I'm very fortunate to have family close to assist in my task which is first grounded in love and a faith-based lifestyle. I view it as my duty as her husband and the vows we shared with each other, God plus witnesses over 40 years ago. My heart aches for those who have no family and/or friends close to share in this honorable yet incredibly difficult undertaking. We all must look for creative ways to find relief from the 24/7 mindset we find ourselves locked into. Unfortunately for many, we tend to get caught up in our emotions and can't get out of the way to think about ourselves and our own well-being. Thank you for your encouragement and a place of solace for myself and others who share in this noble battle for those we love and cherish. Stan

[janekreger]

Such a great message. I have shared your site with so many people. I am a paid non family caregiver but I love the family like they are family

[marycahillclc]

We went through this, this week. My hubby and I felt guilty for going to a movie without his parents. Thanks! We needed this reassurance 💕

[sandrahes]

Thank you. How can you have so much empathy with careblazers and know so well what it’s like? You are so sweet!

[thomasvineyard]

I'm in the early stages of care giving because my wife is starting to figure out that she isn't remembering like she use too. Later this month we go back to the doctor for the third time, and she is taking medicine for dementia, but she is very functional in her daily routine. You have helped a lot to prepare me for the future. Through out the week, I study about 20 hours or so to have a understanding of this syndrome that will kill her. This is real information, and should be treated that way.

[hollywalling]

One of the biggest challenges of dementia is it’s all-consuming nature. My moms PCP once asked me if I thought dementia was her biggest health concern…I said YES, because it impacts every area of her life and health. My moms dementia has been all- consuming to me as well, even as I share the day to day caring with her MC facility staff…it almost NEVER leaves my mind. And I’ve allowed my thoughts to effect my ability to enjoy life….because of worry, grief and guilt.
Thank you for this challenge to stop adding to my suffering…not only does it not help her in any way, but I know this is NOT what she would want for me.

[victoriajohnson]

Thanks for the reminder! Living is the best way to honor your loved one. Especially if it is a parent who gave you that life to live!

[loripatton]

I constantly deal with feelings of guilt about self care, especially as my loved one is near end of life. It is also hard because most of our family members are out of state and the ones nearby are not available for caregiving support.

[meaquindinho]

I forgot suffering was optional. Thank you for reminding me. I just found your channel, so happy I did.i really need this help.

[nancymills]

I’ve been a caregiver for 40 years: my mother, my husband and now my father. After my husband’s passing I experienced ‘caregivers collapse’ . It took me 5 years to get my life back. Now as I care for my father I found myself back in the neglecting myself. I spent so much time in damage control, putting out chaotic stuff, and hating life. I’ve put my life on hold so many times. I’m finding it’s hard to put myself first, but I’m learning.