The #1 thing women want in a partner

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shot by John Lee

grip - Melissa Gasca

sound - Jason Mobley

edited by Ben Chinapen

edited by Timothy Hautekiet

gfx by Cayleigh Goodson

[shoyuramenoff]

I honestly thought #1 would be "reliable". It doesn't mean "do everything for you", it means "you can count on them to follow through and when the going gets tough". Kindness is a part of that though. Being consistent in kindness.

[MrMortis]

I'm 30 years into a relationship, and this advice seems to sync up with what I've experienced.

[xav]

Your partner should be your peace, not an extension of your trauma. love X

[jrobertlysaght]

Question: was this a study or a survey? Because in surveys we say what we think we want, or what we know we should want to maintain our self image as good people. Most people I know will say Kindness is top priority in a partner, but their actual actions and choices seem to indicate they really value other things more.

[mariogirod]

I’m always a bit skeptical about survey results for unconscious behavior. In the past this has been scientifically proven to be unreliable. For example if you ask people if it is more effective to have a sign asking them to do something or a poster showing somebody else doing this thing, most people will answer that the sign will be more effective. However put to the test in reality the poster is much more effective. Just shows the difference between how we think or would like things to work and how things actually work are not the same. So actual observation of behavior is a much more reliable scientific method.

[lordsnim]

“No means no, no matter how kind you are” is a redundant and condescending thing to say to people who are actually kind – if someone doesn't take no for an answer, then they aren't genuinely kind in the first place

[Alliefrownie]

Anyone who is upset that they don't get the partner they want even though they are kind to them misses the point that it's not expected to be returned. Otherwise, it's not kindness and instead just manipulation.

[AppleGameification]

I was a bit worried but thanks for not turning this into a whole women vs men thing that so many other commenters do nowadays when they talk about what women look for.

[Whatsdogpee]

Interesting. In my own personal study, security —not merely fiscal but also emotional—is what really helps. They want to feel confident in your love so it can breed trust and accountability.

[trinaq]

I always look forward to Anna's advice. You can always count on her to tell it like it is.

[RaymondStormblssed]

"Kind to them and not necessarily everybody"

*Phew* that's a huge relief tbh

[TheAleksander]

The issue with this kind of data is that what people say in a survey doesn't always line up with how they act.
Most people won't admit to being superficial when asked about their real preferences regarding a partner because it doesn't really paint them in a favorable way.

[thynguyen]

but my father always says: “Never look at how kindly a man treats you, always look at how kindly he treats other people. It will tell you whether he’s truly kind or just … kind to you”. I’ve been living by those words my whole life.

[twobooberries]

This is true! Keeping in mind there's a difference between people who are nice because of their lack of self worth. The ones who are enablers, that tend to become codependent with their partners. Vs people who are genuinely kind. They have boundaries and are not doormats.

[missfatcat]

And I think an important distinction is that it feels like genuine kindness and not kindness with an agenda. Women know the difference.

[Arational]

Kindness has been my default setting closely followed by helpfulness, but I find that it too often is either soon taken for granted or exploited.
Divorced dad.

[oceanearth]

Proximity to someone is the predictor of a relationship being cultivated.
There needs to be a reason to interact and dating sites are not working too well. Luck is everything

[wjrasmussen]

#1 thing you need: Kindness to her. Except you have two prerequisites for that. So #3 should be kindness to her

[usernamemctypey]

I feel like this sort of ignores the main problem: "kindness" is already the bare minimum. Advice like "people value kindness in partners" is true advice, but it's not the kind of advice people who want to be more attractive to girls(or guys) are looking for. Being kind won't make you stand out positively, being unkind will make you stand out negatively. People who ask these questions usually want to hear what girls(or guys) specifically notice about people that they find attractive.

[RX]

Keanu reeves is a perfect example of this. prided himself to respect humans as they should be treated and that attracted alot of people to him.