Why Do Chicks Lead On?

Cristen "helps a brother out" with the not-so-obvious reasons he might not be getting dates.

Extra Credit Listening:

[VioletTheGeek]

I've been led on before. It sucks. She knew I had feelings for her (I told her), and she wouldn't just tell me that she didn't feel the same way. She always had an excuse, rather than just saying no. She let me fawn over her, do favors for her and comfort her when she was feeling down. She used me as an emotional crutch, all the while feeding me false hope that someday she'd be ready for a romantic relationship with me.

Eventually, she did tell me that she wasn't interested, and she said that she hadn't told me because she didn't want to lose me as a friend. Well, guess what? No one wants to be friends with someone who lies to them and takes advantage of their affection without reciprocating. That's just plain selfish.

So, people, just don't lead on. If you really care about someone but only as a friend, and they express romantic interest, just tell them the truth. You'll be saving them a lot of heartache in the long run, setting them free to find happiness with someone else, and you might even get to keep them as a friend.

[edwardnashton]

People lead on because
1.They are indecisive
2.Ego trip
3.Make others jealous

[pastorkevin]

I agree. Sometimes we lead ourselves on. I've learned to keep expectations low. Girl friendliness does not mean a serious relationship.

[ShantyIrishman]

I'm not a fan of the word "chicks" either, I prefer to call them "broads." 

[dynamicworlds]

Some people (any gender) also just like casual flirting for it's own sake, and don't mean for it to go anywhere. (sometimes it's similar to friends casually insulting each other as a display of friendship)
Sure, some are mean about it, but many more of them often think that the other person (like you) isn't being serious either.
Miscommunication happens.
If you're serious, say so and ask how they feel.
Also, never wait on a "maybe" (or let your heart do so) as a rule; if you do, expect it to go badly for you.

[balthorpayne]

Had an honest convo with a female friend I fell hard for years back. I honestly never believe, in retrospect, she liked me romantically, though she may have toyed with the idea. In any case at one point I asked why when I pressed for her going out with me or I told her how I felt for the umpteenth time, she never gave a clear answer or would hint at there being a chance. Her answer was something along the lines of not wanting to lose me as a friend if she said no. This is what seems to happen to most guys. We cling too damn much, simply because we always see hope. Truth is, girls, you gotta say no. Moral of the story: eventually she lost me because after years, i saw nothing was going to happen, and it all felt like a gigantic waste of time. That will piss guys off the most, is the invested time. If you lose a friend, too bad, but don't let him linger waiting for the off chance you see him differently. Sometimes we have enough friends. Dating is already annoying enough.

[cookiesaregreat]

Your take on women "Leading on" is Spot on. But I feel like "Chick" is equivalent to "Dude." We all refer men as Guys, dudes, hombre, bro, son, and the list goes on. But we should only refer to women as "Women" or "ladies?" I think Ladies need to lighten up on some things Cristen.

[KittySnicker]

I'm a girl and I DON'T have a problem with the term "chicks." I think chicks are adorable baby chickens, and so it's not the worst thing in the word to be called. I'm pretty sure "dude" actually means elephant or whale butthole but you don't see guys complaining.

[ruggedrider]

No one is saying that a Woman doesn't have a right to say No but don't trick a dude into making him think you like him to get your way. Just say No in the beginning.

[jasonwaters]

The real question isn't "Why do chicks lead on?" It's why do women feel it's OK to trade on their sexuality? I'm fine with rejection, trust me I've had plenty of experience with it. However, I'm not ok with a woman who flirts with me because she wants something from me. Yet it's the first card most women play when they encounter the slightest bit of resistance. It's a strange double standard.

[Orandu]

“Chicks” do lead on. “Women” are adults and don’t play with your feelings because they can. Just like in WarGames, the only wining move is not to play.

[rrogersyt]

There are probably more reasons than I could list here, but I think the 3 usual culprits for leading on are...

1.) Girls/Women wanting attention. (having a handful of guys texting you constantly could be an ego boost and the thought of being tied down to one guy is not what they want right now.)

2.) Boys/Men wanting attention. (being in contact with more than one woman at a time can also be an ego boost.)

3.) Leading yourself on.  --this is probably the main culprit-- (for instance, some guys try to friend a girl/woman that they wish to date because they hope that by befriending this woman she will see the "good hearted" person that they are and fall in love with them later. Then there is this weird dilemma that forms where they worry that if they ask her out, she might reject them AND not be your friend anymore so the fear of asking them out is doubly scary.)  This can be found in relationships where the guy believes that the girl is out of their "league" -as the kids would say-.

Generally speaking (in broad terms here), if you have someone who is going out of their way to be your friend (hang out with you, talk to you everyday), they are likely (but not always) crushing for you.
  

[johnhooyer]

I've had someone lead me on because she wanted the benefits of my attention. It boosted her ego, and she didn't have to actually date me. It was pretty intentional. That's pretty different from most women I've ever encountered, but there _is_ such a thing as a woman intentionally leading a man on. The same can happen with men, but men usually don't get fancy gifts from the girls that they lead on, so it's less common.

[TabMcgee]

Guys....if you are giving obvious clues that you like a woman, and she doesn't respond, she just wants to be a friend

[aldomonti]

Typical woman refusing accountability and blaming men for being lead on.

[CommanderCobra]

I swear this is the best channel on YouTube

[DINONAVIGATE]

I disagree chicks lead on because they want you attention. Not because they want to be polite and be mean to you or hurt your feelings. They feed on you.

[nicolewilliams]

One question, somewhat relating to this, that is has been burning in my mind to Cristen and all the men out there:

I am an extremely friendly person. Some men take this as interest, when, in reality, I really am just being a polite and friendly human being. As such, I get accused of leading a lot of people on. However, I have found that when I say "no" to their advances, they tend to ignore it. HOWEVER, when I bring up having a boyfriend, they nearly always back off. Why is it that my lack of consent is less of a motivation to back off than my having a boyfriend?

[Matt-ytxu]

Girls "lead on" men because that is the way our society has determined women are supposed to look for the ideal mate. Then guys are disappointed when they're let down because we're all taught to be the pursuers, and we feel like we've failed when we've been lead on, hence the "friendzone" excuse. At the same time though, I feel like a lot of that frustration also comes from a general lack of interest from the females, for the most part. Guys are EXPECTED to be the ones to approach 98% of the time. I, personally, have social anxiety, so there's pretty much no chance for myself or guys with similar confidence issues to make that final step and possibly seal the deal. So we just follow blindly until the realization that we've been "lead on". I think a lot of that blaming would go away if women would perhaps share some of that pursuing, instead of leaving it to the 98% guys and 2% women. (Those are NOT actual numbers, I'm just doing this at 2am and I'm too lazy to look up statistics). Guys who aren't comfortable being the pursuers, but are still totally nice, caring, funny guys, just go unnoticed or become bitter because of that stereotype.

[tachitari]

I used to have a close friend who had at some point developed feelings for me, but I didn't feel the same. Like clockwork, he would put together a whole situation as if we were getting closer to dating, but I never felt the same. The first couple of times I just reminded him that we were just friends and i wasn't attracted. Then he started fishing for reassurance..."Is there even a little chance?"..."You should just date me for a while and see if you'll grow to love me." It was unhealthy for both of us. We could no longer be friends.