5 Things Women Notice In Men

[jamesolam]

It’s important for the woman to have
done her healing work as well.

[vden]

Sarah I've found that most do not know where to start or even how to heal. They just pass the blame onto the last person and expect the next one to be the "right" one that will fit. Men and women.

[LarryEArnold]

"Is he disparaging of other women?"
No. I've taught too many of them to shoot.

"Does he become aggressive over small things?"
No. See above.

"When he reflects on his childhood...has he done the work to heal?"
Or even better, did he have a childhood that doesn't require healing. It means he had parents you would want him to emulate.

[BL-Nxus]

They notice his physical appearance first above anything else before they move on to the 5 things you have listed. 💯💯💯

[interestingtimes]

1. How tall is he? Is he tall enough that other women will want him?
2. How well dressed is he? Are his shoes expensive? Will other women be attracted to his impression of wealth.
3. Is he good looking? Will other women think he's hot?
4. Is he confident or cocky/arrogant? Many women can't tell the difference.
5. Is he taken or wanted by other women. This trumps all other factors.

[Jory]

As a guy, how does one "do the work to heal" when your (single) parent's response to disagreement with you was usually a punch, or several, to your face or throwing you down the stairs if they were conveniently close by?
I don't even know if I'd say I'm angry about it by this point, but I accept that there's probably some underlying baggage to deal with here.

[BluesStringer]

I just stumbled onto your Channel, so I don't know what biases might or might not be. I have to comment on your #5 though. Why would you expect it to be a victim's responsibility to "do the work to heal" when our society views men who need help learning coping skills as "weak" (at best) to begin with? I grew up with a single mom, which was bad enough in and of itself, but the hardest to take was having to show respect and deference to the ol' man during the 10 or 15 times I saw him face to face. I'm fairly well-adjusted. He's dead and gone, which I am neither sad about, nor is it something I dwell on. I don't think my mother had a clue how much damage the bastard did to mine or my only sister's lives though. Not that it was her fault - he was literally the criminal, never paying child support or alimony, but my mom was scared to push the issue, and for very good reason, her consequences were too severe to chance calling the cops on his dead-beat ass. The last time I saw him was when he came to berate my mother for my sister being in a hospital bed after trying to commit suicide the first time. I threw his ass out of the waiting room and never felt a moment's regret for doing it. Sis beat him to the grave by 15 or so years though, the victim in that case of the government that provided and paid for the means with which to accomplish the evil deed.

My Gorgeous wife and I will celebrate our 36th anniversary in a couple of months. I didn't allow the screwed up home I was raised in prevent me from finding, forming or maintaining a healthy, loving relationship, so Ive some "work" on myself. But man, do I get tired of hearing about how it was my *responsibility* to figure out for myself how to go about figuring out for myself how to un-learn all the pain and anger my father heaped upon me and the rest of my immediate family when a few trips in and out of Juvenile Hall was the only "treatment" anybody ever offered me.

So whether I've healed myself enough to pass your little 5-question test, I've come as far as I'm willing to "work" at anymore. And it didn't go without notice that you opened this video scolding men or women for arguing using "sweeping generalizations." Maybe you can explain how your use of generalizations is better than anyone else's. It all tastes about the same to this crotchety ol' fart.

[silentcal]

Just looked at the questions list and am gratefull

[davidvitale]

The first 4 are contingent on the 5th. Until a person (man or woman) deals with childhood hurts, abandonment and needs not being met, those tapes will provide the trigger foundation for the rest of their lives.

[aster]

A ton of small complaints over little things over time will make a man snap. Make him aggressive over a "little" thing

[meanderingmarley]

1. His looks (minimum 6')
2. His clothes (especially the shoes)
3. What he drives (paid off, of course)
4. His job (please have last 3 pay stubs available)
5. His willingness to listen to her prattle

[Hyper_Fox]

Childhood is way too complex of an issue to address on any date . That's a we've become comfortable enough to talk about that kind of thing level of relationship post beginners dates

[garyacker]

I had a great childhood hood and I don't get mad when maybe I should.

[EricMoore-zerf]

He doesn't want to get falsely accused by the woman so he has a defensive demeanor.

[SnerMerNer]

Being negative about the world indicates intelligence. Doesn’t mean you’re a bad life partner. It means you live in reality and acknowledge it for what it is.

[BeatlesCentricUniverse]

I read those 36 questions when they were originally published by the NY Times. I remember being able to answer only 1-2 questions.
In reality, even (intermittent) therapy for 20 years doesn't heal my "dad issues." Hmmm.
(edited for spelling)

[davidbowman]

Reflecting on childhood should come first, impacts everything else.

[basromd]

Sarah. Interesting viewpoint. May I suggest the areas you raise be checkpoints for healing by men?

[kingston]

See reality for what it is, NOT all good nor bad and recognize the difference.

[Catherine-bfyx]

Wow! My married gal friends say I am too picky when I pass on men like you described. I see them as red flags for the future that I am not interested in.
Thank you!